The Official Yu Gi Oh! Fanfiction University
by scrambled-eggs-at-midnight
Summary: There's been an influx of badfic in the Yu-Gi-Oh! fandom, and the characters have decided that something must be done. Here at OYGOFU, fanbrats will learn the mechanics behind writing good Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfiction... or die trying.
1. A Rather Prequelish Thing

**A/N: This is my NaNoWriMo for the year. It's also something I've wanted to write for a long time, because let's face it: there is a lot of badfic in our fandom. If you would like to submit a fanbrat—I mean, a character, please fill out the form enclosed in this chapter. (Seriously. Give me your characters. Anything from well-rounded OCs to the biggest Mary-Sue is acceptable. Please note that I'll interpret the registration forms however I see fit.) **

**Thank you very much to **_**HereWeGoOnceMore **_**for the beta and for submitting the first character, even though she has absolutely no time. Love you!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Yu-Gi-Oh! **_**The original OFU belongs to **_**Miss Cam, **_**and I'm not claiming the idea. Casey belongs to me, and Aurora belongs to **_**HereWeGoOnceMore.**_

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><p>Casey Mardoll was having the greatest daydream ever.<p>

At least, she thought it was a daydream. It felt pretty real, but she was pretty sure that Marik Ishtar wouldn't be climbing through her window anywhere but her imagination.

Then again, if it were her imagination, he would be shirtless.

Mmm. Shirtless Marik.

"Hey. Hey, you!"

Casey blinked at Imaginary Marik, who had managed to make it through the window and was now sitting on her desk.

"Well, hi there, sexy," she purred. Or tried to purr. It came out as more of a strangled whisper.

She was working on that.

Imaginary Marik raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, all right. Look, I have some questions for you."

"Shoot," Casey said, yawning. Damn, how late was it? She'd gotten so caught up in her story about Marik's little sister who saved the world and—

Imaginary Marik (who was really starting to seem not-so-imaginary) pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and stared at it.

"Uh… were you just writing a _Yu-Gi-Oh! _fanfic?"

Casey looked at her computer screen in surprise. "Well, yeah. I have this really great fic going, but I haven't updated it in, like, three days. I'm so behind schedule."

"That's nice. Here."

Imaginary Marik handed her the piece of paper. "I'm going to need you to fill this form out."

Casey took it with a frown. This was definitely not Sexy Dream Marik Ishtar. This was, like, some other form of Marik Ishtar that she wasn't sure she liked. As much.

Well, he _was_ still really sexy.

"Who exactly are you?"

Imaginary Marik looked at his watch. "Uh, Marik, I think. For now. I don't know, you fanbrats have a ton of names for us. Anyway, hurry up, I don't have all night."

Casey looked at the form, picked up a pen, and began to write.

* * *

><p><em><span>Official <span>_Yu-Gi-Oh!_ Fanfiction University Application_

**STUDENT**

**Name**: Casey Mardoll but you can call me Kaja

**Sex**: With Marik please. ;) Lol Jk. Female

**Age**: 14

**Species**: Human- probably ;)

**If human, country of origin: **America

**Brief** **Physical** **Description**: Grr I need to lose weight in my butt. But I have a nice tan! And blond hair and brown eyes.

**Do you have any fears/phobias/anxieties you feel we should be aware of**? Snakes! Ew ever since that episode where one bit itty bitty Marik. Its okay Marik I'll hug you!

**Have you ever attended an OFU**? No what is it?

**Choose ONE luxury item to take with you**: My millennium bracelet.

**RELATION TO CANON**

**Do you know anything at all about Egyptian mythology? (Besides what you "learned" from **_**Yu-Gi-Oh!**_**?)**Well I've seen The Mummy a couple of times.

**Have you read the manga**? Lol no

**Have you seen the anime?** Yes well not all of it just the parts with Marik.

**Subs, dubs, or original Japanese**? Dubs I don't like the Japanese voices

**Have you seen **_**Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series**_**?** Omg yes! Screw the rules I have money!

**To what extent does **_**Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series **_**influence your own works?** All my stories are based off of the abridged series. LK is GOD!

**Do you use dub names or sub names**? Dub

**How do you refer to the Yugis**? Yugi and Yami. And I guess pharoah for ancient Yami

**The Bakuras**? Ryo, Bakura, (or Florence lol) and… Thief Bakura? I don't know… I don't think about him a lot even though he is sexy.

**The Mariks**? Ok this is getting old. Marik and Melvin

**Favorite character(s)? Why**? Marik because he's sexy and he has such a tragic past :(

**Favorite pairing(s)? Why?** Puzzleshipping because they're so cute together! Also thiefshipping! It's canon!

**Least favorite character(s)**? **Why**? Tea OMG she's such a bitch. And she's all friendship obsessed its so annoying. Also Mai because she's a slut.

**Least favorite pairing(s)?** **Why**? Anything with Tea. I hate her.

**YOUR WRITING AND READING**

**What genres do you write/read?** Romance and humor and hurt/comfort. Also poetry.

**Have you written for **_**Yu-Gi-Oh! **_**before**? Yeah, duh its my fav show.

**Do you like slash?** Yes! Omg Marik is such an uke lol.

**What about het**? Eh maybe if Yugioh had any good girls

**What about femslash**? Is that where you turn one of the guys into a girl? Yeah, its ok.

**Genderbending**? Didn't you just ask me that?

**Do any of your fanfics actually contain Duel Monsters games**? No cuz they're boring.

**Do you have a good working relationship with your beta reader**? Lol beta what's that?

**Are you a beta reader**? No, seriously what is that?

**How long is your fanfiction dot net profile**? Um idk a few pages?

**How much of that profile is copy/paste stuff? (Be honest.)** Lol like most of it cuz I don't have anything good to say about myself.

**Do you have an OC? Describe him/her:** Her name is Kaja Ishtar and she is Marik's little sister. She wears the millennium bracelet which is a special item that was created later and it has all the powers of the other items. She can tell the future and she found a prophecy about herself that says she has to stop her older brother from becoming evil so she duels him and beats Yami Marik and falls in love with Ryo Bakura on the way.

**MISCELLANEOUS QUESTIONS:**

**Yami or Yugi?** Ummm Yugi. He's a baby panda!

**Abridged or Original Series**? Abridged!

**Which Millennium Item**? Well my OC wears the millennium bracelet so I guess that.

**Blue Eyes White Dragon or Red Eyes Black Dragon**? Blue eyes. Its so cute! I want one for a pet.

**Téa/Anzu or Mai**? Ew neither.

**Do you have opinions on Season 0**? What's that?

**Joey/Mai or Joey/Kaiba**? Puppyshipping ftw.

**Bakura—evil or misunderstood**? Misunderstood.

**Are you here for learning or for smexy Egyptian duelists**? Ahahaha do I have to answer that?

_By signing this form, I (name), verify that I do not hold the Official _Yu-Gi-Oh! _Fanfiction University or any of its staff or affiliates (a collective henceforth referred to as "OYGOFU") responsible for my injury, eventual or present insanity, death, or banishment to the Shadow Realm. In addition, I recognize that even if I try to take legal action against OYGOFU, OYGOFU's lawyers are more than capable of literally crushing me in any court on, in, adjacent to, or off Earth. By signing this form, I verify that I will complete my training at OYGOFU on pain of, well, pain. I will be unable to leave, even if I want to, because I am the one who signed (most probably without reading) the contract that said that I would stay the duration of the curriculum no matter what. Let this be a lesson to me. I hereby renounce any rights I may hold under my own country's law and give OYGOFU permission to do whatever the heck it wants with me, no matter how unpleasant it will definitely be. _

_I will not write _Yu-Gi-Oh! _fanfiction again until I have completed my training and received my diploma. (Mostly because OYGOFU will not let me.)_

_Sign here:_

_Thanks for selling us your soul!_

_Sincerely, scrambled-eggs-at-midnight (Course coordinator)_

* * *

><p>Casey didn't bother to read the fine-print (who cared?) and signed her name at the bottom before handing the form back to Marik.<p>

"What exactly is an OFU?" she asked, but Marik was already climbing out the window.

"You'll find out tomorrow," he said.

Whatever it was, Casey hoped it had internet connection.

She _had _to finish this fic.

* * *

><p>"<em>Gooooooood morning, everybody!"<em>

Casey groaned and smacked her hand around stupidly, looking for the evil alarm clock. Urgh, when had she set the damn thing to wake her up to the radio?

"_It's a sunny day… somewhere, anyway! But for us, the sky is full of great billowing clouds that are probably the manifestation of evil itself—pleasant, right? It's a balmy ninety-seven degrees Fahrenheit outside—twenty-six when you account for wind chill! Oh, and did I mention the dragons flying around my bedroom? I gotta tell you, it's kind of—"_

Casey finally succeeded in locating the alarm clock of doom and chucked it blindly away from her, hoping to get the horrible, treacherous machine of _pure evil _away from her poor, unsuspecting ears before it drove sleep away entirely. God, what time was it? She had had the freakiest dream ever, and—

Wait, had her alarm clock just said something about dragons?

"OUCH!"

Casey bolted upright in her bed—which turned out to not be her bed at all, as the sheets on HER bed were not this… this _thing _that was masquerading as a color.

And she wasn't alone.

"Where am I?" she said. "Who's there?"

"Vell, I'm not about to explain anything to you after you hit me in the face vith an alarm clock!"

Casey peered through the semi-darkness to see a glowing figure sitting across the room from her and dragging a brush through massive amounts of hair.

"What the—who the hell are you? And why are you in my room?"

The girl with the hair tried (and ultimately failed) to raise one eyebrow. "Is that vhere I am? Your room?"

"Um. Actually…." Now that Casey thought about it, this didn't look like her room at all. Where were her massive piles of stuff scattered across the fuzzy carpet? What happened to the slightly-torn-but-still-cool canopy that hung over her bed? Where were the posters of Marik hanging on the walls?

As a matter of fact, where _were _the walls? All she could see was what looked like purple mist drifting where there very well should have been solid blue-painted plaster.

"I'm not sure this is my room."

"Vhat tipped you off?"

Casey frowned. "What exactly _is _that accent?"

The girl in the corner huffed. "I am Aurora von Schroeder, a _vampyre_ from Transyvlania. Who are _you?"_

"Um. Casey Mardoll. From Michigan." Casey'd never known it was possible to pronounce a spelling variation.

"And you have no idea vhere ve are at all?"

"Not in the slightest." Casey was pretty sure that she could safely determine that this was not her room. After all, she didn't usually keep "vampyres" in her corner, and her walls were not made of creepy purple smoke, and her sheets most definitely were green and not evil-looking.

So, yeah. Not her room.

"I suggest that ve leave this room and venture out to find vhy I am not asleep in my custom-made coffin," Aurora said, tossing her hair dramatically behind her shoulder. It didn't work so well, since it was mostly a tangled mess at this point. Apparently, butt-length hair wasn't really all that practical.

Casey brightened at the thought of getting out of this room. "Okay," she said, "sounds like fun! Let's go!"

Aurora shoved her hair up into a make-shift bun, and then Casey opened the door and led the way out into a long hallway.

She was surprised to see a number of other people milling about, closing doors behind them and yawning into their hands, all looking equally confused.

"What the—?"

"_Attention, fanbrats!"_

"What was that?"

"I think it's coming from those speakers."

"_Welcome to your very first day at the Official _Yu-Gi-Oh! _Fanficton University! Hope you liked that wake-up call! If we do our jobs right, your stay here will be as pleasant as ours—meaning not at all! If you would please follow the bouncing puffballs to the auditorium, we would be ever so grateful! If you choose _not _to attend this very important meeting… well, hopefully you have enough brains amongst you to figure out that that's kind of a sucky idea. _Au revoir!"

Casey gaped. "Wait, _what_?" Then she remembered her dream from last night.

"So… it _was _real," she heard another student mutter. "Damn, and I didn't even ask for Yami's autograph."

What exactly had she signed herself up for?

Casey looked at Aurora. "So… to the auditorium?"

Aurora nodded. "I guess ve have no choice."

Together, they made their way down the hall, pushing aside confused fangirls as they went.

* * *

><p>Eggy grinned and stared at the massive crowd gathering in the auditorium. "This is going to be awesome."<p>

"Um, miss?" Roland said. "I don't quite know how to put this, but…"

"Yes?"

"You. You forgot to put on pants."

Eggy looked down. "Oh, so I did. Be back in a sec."

Roland sighed.

* * *

><p>"Okay! Attention!" Eggy shouted into the microphone (no longer <em>sans<em> pants.) There were shouts of pain as the speakers crackled. Eggy waited until everyone had quieted down, then waved at the students.

"Okay, hi there," she said. "Welcome to the Official _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ Fanfiction Academy, or, as it will be referred to from now on, OYGOFU. This is a place where all you little fanbrats are going to be given the _wonderful _opportunity to learn how to write decent—or semi-decent—or at least half-way plausible—_Yu-Gi-Oh! _fanficton."

In the audience, Casey leaned over to Aurora, whom she had attached herself to out of sheer unwillingness to be alone, and whispered, "Who the heck is this chick?"

Aurora shrugged.

"My name is scrambled-eggs-at-midnight, but that's kind of a mouthful so you can call me Eggy," Eggy continued, "and I'm your course-coordinator. Any and all complaints should be directed towards me, where they will be ignored or laughed at. Don't bother trying to complain to the headmaster, since you will probably never get to see him ever."

Eggy looked down at her notes. "Uh… this guy next to me is Roland, who I have borrowed from Kaiba to be my personal bitch—I mean, assistant. Behind me are your teachers, who are being hidden from your sight so that you won't stampede them."

"Are the teachers—?" Casey started to ask, but she was cut off.

"Yes," Eggy said, "the staff is made up of the _Yu-Gi-Oh! _cast."

There were shrieks of delight from the audience. Eggy banged on the podium until the room was relevantly quiet again. "Thank you. Now, this year is going to be very hard for you. You are going to experience torments unlike any you have ever felt before. But! Don't worry. We _will _make you into decent writers. It _can _be done!" Eggy clutched her chest dramatically. "I know this because I, too, was once a fanbrat."

"You still are," someone muttered from backstage.

Casey's head snapped up. "Did I just hear Bakura's voice?"

"Haha, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain," Eggy said. "Anyway, I _was_ a fanbrat, but I changed my ways, and you can, too!" She grinned. "Man, I love giving pep-talks. Actually, this year's gonna suck. Sorry. Now, your schedules have been placed in the rooms you woke up in. All your shit's there, too. Now flee, fanbrats, and welcome to OYGOFU!"


	2. Revenge of the Puffballs

**A/N: This is being updated so quickly because, like I said before, it's my NaNoWriMo, and the faster I post, the faster I get feedback, which is a great motivation for me to knock out my daily word count. Plus, it gives you guys more opportunites to send in characters! :D**

**English names are being used, since those are the ones I grew up hearing and am most familiar with, and old habits die hard. The exceptions to this are Ryou Bakura and the Ancient Egyptian version of Yami, who is being called Atem. This has been done for clarification purposes, as it would get really confusing to have too many characters with the same names running around.**

**Also, if you submitted a character and he/she/it hasn't shown up yet, don't worry—I'm just trying to pace my introductions. And on that same note, y'all seriously don't need to ask my permission to submit a character. XD Just send in whoever you want. Really. Thanks to everyone who has submitted someone so far!**

**Sorry this note's so long. OTL And thank you to _HereWeGoOnceMore _for the beta. **

**Disclaimer: Previous one still applies, believe it or not.**

* * *

><p>Casey and Aurora stumbled out of the auditorium with the rest of the students and started trying to find their room again. As people pushed past them, Casey still half-expected to wake up in her own bed ; there was no way something like this could be real. It just couldn't be.<p>

But… it _was _apretty cool dream.

All classes taught by the _Yu-Gi-Oh! _characters?

Sounded good to her.

Casey and Aurora made it back to their room without too much trouble by following the masses back the way they came. When she shoved open the door, Casey almost did a double-take—she had forgotten about the walls.

"Urgh," she said, making her way toward her bed. "I'm never going to get used to my walls being made of smoke."

"Look," Aurora said, pointing to the table between their beds. "Food."

Casey's stomach let out a loud rumble, and she grinned. "Well, hello there, breakfast!

The tray on the table held two egg sandwiches, a glass of orange juice, and something that looked suspiciously like a raw steak.

Further inspection revealed that it was, in fact, a raw steak.

"Ew, Casey said.

Aurora grinned. "It is nice to see that they are catering to my _vampyric _needs."

Casey made a face and pushed the bloody meat away from her eggs.

Just as she was about to dig in, Casey spotted something on her bed. "Hey, is that our schedu—gah!"

Casey slapped a hand over her eyes after taking one look at the blinding _thing _sitting on top of her comforter. "What the heck is that color supposed to _be?_"

"It's the same color as our sheets," Aurora said, gingerly picking up the eye-sore that seemed to be her schedule.

"It looks like blue had an affair with yellow and then murdered their lovechild in a dark alley!"

"... I guess that's one vay to put it."

"It's not even green! Like, that should totally be green, but it's _not! _That color shouldn't even freaking exist in the real world!"

Casey had a bad habit of slipping into valley-girl speak when she got nervous or angry. It got really annoying after a while.

"And the _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ characters should?"

When she had finally convinced herself to peel her fingers away from her face, Casey stuck out her tongue and picked up her schedule.

"Well, at least we get to go have breakfast before classes," she said, looking sidelong at her food again. "What do you have first?"

"'Canon 101'," Aurora read. _Von-oh-von_, she pronounced it. "Vhat about you?"

"Same," Casey said, folding her schedule and sticking it in the pocket of her skirt. She'd look at it later when her eyes hurt less. "I wonder who's teaching?"

"It is not of importance!" Aurora said. "I must have sustenance to continue my voefully depressing day as one of the undead!"

"Huh?"

"… Who cares? I'm starving."

"Oh."

They attacked the food with all the vigor of an undead chick and a hungry teenager.

* * *

><p><em>"Attention, students. Please make your way to your first class of the day. Tardiness will result in…unpleasant consequences."<em>

_"Sheesh, Roland, stop sugar-coating things. If y'all are late, we're going to—oh, shit, I dropped the mic. Roland, how do I—?"_

Casey winced as the speakers crackled and died. Then she turned back to the map on the wall and continued staring at it as if her life depended on it.

If that last announcement was anything to go by, it probably did.

"Where the heck is the Canon 101 classroom?" Casey asked out loud.

The map, obviously, had nothing to say in the matter.

Aurora shrugged theatrically. Casey had no idea it was possible to add so much drama to shoulder movement. "I don't know."

Casey took a step backwards to see if distance helped to make sense of the damn stubborn piece of uselessness hanging on the wall.

"Ouch!"

Casey turned around quickly to see a girl with curly hair messy enough to rival Aurora's hopping up and down and clutching her foot.

"Ack, sorry!" Casey said. "Did I step on you? Shit, did I break something?" It would be just her luck to break some random kid's toes on the first day of school.

The girl shook her hair—head, she shook her _head—_ and smiled painfully. "Don't worry about it. So, you're trying to find the Canon class?"

"Yeah," Casey said. "We're kind of lost, though."

"I have that class, too. And I'm pretty sure you're in the same dorm as me." The girl pointed at Aurora. "I recognize her hair."

Casey stifled a laugh, and Aurora sniffed indignantly. "Oh, like you're one to talk. For your informatio—"

"What's your name?" Casey interrupted, turning back to the new girl. She'd already had to listen to Aurora wax loquacious on the _tragedies _of being a _vampyre_ (apparently bad hair days and sore gums made the list) and had no intention of doing so again.

"I'm Sea. Who're you guys?"

"I'm Casey. This is Aurora."

"Look," Aurora said suddenly, grabbing Casey's arm. "Over there. Vhat's that?"

Casey looked where Aurora was pointing and almost had a heart failure due to the sheer amount of _cute _that was being forced into such a tiny amount of space.

"It's… it's a Kuriboh!"

"A tiny Kuriboh," Sea said. "Look at it—it's the size of my hand!"

"It's so—Aurora, what are you doing?"

Aurora was cowering behind Casey, which was a feat since she happened to be taller. "Don't let it come near me!"

"What?" Casey laughed. "Why? It's just a Kuriboh."

"It's… it's… so _cute!"_

"So?"

"I have a terrible fear of anything adorable," Aurora said. "I don't understand, I am a creature of the _night—_I shouldn't have to fear anything!"

Casey was suddenly glad that there was unlikely to be an influx of snakes at OYGOFU—at least, there wouldn't be as many creepy, crawly reptiles as there would be adorable puffballs.

"Well, it's not like it's going to hurt you," Sea said. "Look, I'll even go pet it."

She walked towards the Kuriboh and held out her hand. It bounced towards her, managing to look interested despite being nothing more than a puffball with eyes and feet.

"C'mere, little guy. That's right, that's a good little Kuri—"

Sea held out her hand.

Suddenly, the Kuriboh reared back, opened its mouth wide, and—

"Ahh!"

"Oh my god, it just _ate her!"_

"See! I told you! I told you it vas dangerous! Run!"

Aurora started to take off, but Casey grabbed her arm. "Get back here! We have to save her!"

The Kuriboh floated happily toward her, still making slurping sounds. Casey jumped back with a shriek.

"How? How did such a tiny little _thing _svallow a whole _human being?"_

"I don't know," Casey said, looking around frantically. Their entire hallway was deserted. "We've gotta find someone."

She grabbed on to Aurora and started to drag her down the hall. Then she paused, turned around, and grabbed the fat Kuriboh.

It hummed contentedly and let out a belch.

* * *

><p>According to the maps posted randomly on the wall, the layout of OYGOFU wasn't actually that complicated.<p>

However, each map looked entirely different, so that proved to be a problem.

"This is completely your fault."

"_My _fault? Look, you're the one who wanted to stop for snacks."

"Yes, well…."

"Well, what?"

Technically, Yami and Yugi were supposed to be teaching a class in five minutes.

Unfortunately, navigating Soul Rooms all the time apparently didn't help your sense of direction very much.

"Look, I'm positive it's this way, Yugi. I'd bet my Dark Magician on it."

"Oh, really?"

"Well, all right. I'd bet a Celtic Guardian."

"Uh-huh."

"… Maybe a Kuriboh."

"That's what I thought. Let's try this way."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Casey, Aurora, and the not-so-little Kuriboh were still racing down the hall.<p>

_This school is evil. This school is evil and horrible and Kuribohs_ _should not be_ dangerous, _dammit_!

They rounded a corner, and—

CRASH

Casey and Aurora tumbled to the floor; the Kuriboh bounced away unharmed.

"Ow." Casey sat up, rubbing her head. "What'd I just hit?"

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?"

Casey looked up and peered into the face of Yugi Moto.

_This school is amazing. _

"Uhhh…"

"Oh, hey, it's a mini Kuriboh!" Yugi plucked the bloated Kuriboh out of the air and petted it. It purred.

"What have you been eating?" Yugi asked it, poking its…well, Casey _thought _that was where its stomach would be. It was kind of hard to tell.

"It's been eating students!"

Aurora was on her feet, trembling and pointing at the Kuriboh. "It opened its mouth, and—"

"The students it ate didn't happen to call it a 'L-I-T-T-L-E Kuriboh,' did they?" Yami asked, coming to stand next to Yugi.

_I think I just died and went to heaven, _Casey thought.

The Kuriboh seemed to glare at Yami, who waved it away. "Relax, you. Aren't you full enough already?"

"Sea called it a… she said…," Aurora tried. "And then it… it…."

"Yeah, they tend to do that," Yugi said with a  
>laugh. "For some reason, they really don't like being called that." He turned to the Kuriboh. "Okay, you," he said, poking it again. "Cough up the fanbrat."<p>

The Kuriboh glared at him.

Yugi glared right back.

Casey thought she was going to die of the cuteness. Beside her, Aurora trembled.

Finally, the Kuriboh gave up. With a grumble, it opened its mouth and made a terrible retching noise.

Sea tumbled out, coughing and covered in slime.

Ew. Kuriboh spit.

"Oh god," she moaned. "Oh god, I just got eaten by a little Kurib—"

"DON'T!"

"…Dammit. Now we have to get her out again."

* * *

><p>Once they had succeeded in saving Sea for a second time, Yami and Yugi sent her down the hall to get cleaned up. Then they turned back to Aurora and Casey.<p>

"Now," Yugi said. "Where are you guys supposed to be heading?"

"Canon 101," Casey said, staring after Sea.

"Great," Yugi said. "That's where we're headed, too. Follow us, please!"

"If we ever find the classroom," Yami muttered.

"Um… is that it?" Aurora said, pointing at a door clearly labeled "Canon 101."

Yami and Yugi looked at each other. "Um. Oops?"

When the four of them entered (Yami looking like he owned the room, Yugi waving cheerfully, and Casey and Aurora slinking in behind), most of the students had already been seated.

Casey and Aurora were spared the embarrassment of having the class's attention on them, since most of the students were too busy gaping at Yami and Yugi to notice.

"Hi there!" Yugi said, setting a laptop down on the desk at the front of the room. "I'm Yugi—"

Half the fangirls swooned.

"—and this is Yami—"

The other half followed suit.

"—and we're going to be teaching Canon 101." He paused. "Uh, can we stop with the swooning, please?"

"Sorry," a few students mumbled.

Yami rolled his eyes. "Let's get started. While Yugi's pulling up the lesson, let's begin the class."

Yami folded his arms and glared at the students. "Beginning with the basics. What does _Yu-Gi-Oh! _mean?"

Casey's brain blanked. She had never bothered to figure that one out.

Someone in the front row raised her hand. "Doesn't it mean 'King of Games'?"

"Correct," Yami said. "It's also a play on Yugi's name: Yugi means "game," or "play," and the "oh" part signifies royalty—hence, King of Games."

"The original Japanese series was called "_Yu-Gi-Oh!: Duel Monsters," _Yugi said."It was shortened to "_Yu-Gi-Oh!" _for the English dub." He hefted a stack of papers onto the desk. "Yami, can you help me pass these out, please?"

When the papers reached Casey's row, she almost had a heart attack.

"A test?" someone said. "On the first day of school?"

Yugi pulled a stop watch out of his pocket. "It's time to see how much you know. You may begin."

Casey stared at the test.

_How do you punctuate and capitalize_ Yu-Gi-Oh!_'s title? [Note: If you get this one wrong, you will be fed to a Blue Eyes White Dragon. Re-read the question if you're having trouble.]_

_How many seasons of _Yu-Gi-Oh! _are there?:_

_Name as many characters you can, in order of appearance:_

_Name all of the main _Yu-Gi-Oh! _villains:_

The questions went on and on; Casey had no idea how many there were.

She groaned and began to write.


	3. How Many Ways? Let Me Count the Kuribohs

**A/N: I told myself that I wouldn't go to sleep until I finished this. And I finished it. Despite being sick. *coughs pathetically* Thank you all for your continuing support. **

**Still developing setting! Still establishing classes! Still introducing characters, so if you aren't in here yet, I'm sorry. OTL **

**Speaking of which… does anyone want to send me some fanboys? :'D I know they'd be a minority, but… well. They'd be a minority. XD I still would like some, though, if anyone out there has any.**

**(Why do I feel like this chapter that's 2k+words is short? -_-)**

**Thanks to **_**HereWeGoOnceMore **_**for the beta work, as always.**

**Disclaimer: Still disclaimed. Because that's something new.**

* * *

><p>By the time Casey and Aurora left the Canon 101 classroom, they were both exhausted.<p>

"Oh my god, I completely bombed that," Casey complained, rubbing at her cramped hand. "My fingers gave out halfway through."

"I couldn't remember the physical difference betveen season zero Kaiba and regular Kaiba," Aurora said, sounding worried. "I'm sure that vill come back to haunt me."

"How many different names for Marik did you put down?"

"How many did _you?"_

They wandered down the hall with the rest of the students, who were all still complaining animatedly about the test. Casey thought she saw a now-Kuriboh-spit-free Sea among the crowd.

"We should probably see what we have next," Casey said, sighing as she dug around in her pocket for her schedule. "That is, if I can even read this."

"I have 'Logistics: Writing Realistically'," Aurora said."Vhat about you?"

Casey peered at her schedule and squeed in delight. "'The Abridged Series 101'," she read. "'That Goddamn Parody'." She paused. "Wait, what?"

The found a map, located their respective classrooms, and parted with a wave. Casey watched Aurora leave with a sudden panic, but quickly crushed the feeling and focused on the fact that she got to go sit in a class based on her favorite show on the internet.

Maybe the Abridged characters themselves would even be there!

Casey took off down the hall happily, ignoring the angry shouts directed at her whenever she skipped into someone.

This was going to be the best class ever.

Casey poked her head into the TAS 101 –why was everything labeled "101"?—classroom and looked around, automatically trying to spot someone that she knew.

Then she remembered that she only knew two people in the entire school and made her way sheepishly toward an empty desk.

"Excuse me," someone said just after Casey had sat down,"can I sit here?"

Casey looked up to see a girl with long brown hair, tanned skin, and…

Wings?

As soon as Casey made eye contact, the girl yelped and covered her face with her hands. "Ack! Don't look at me!"

"Oh, sorry," Casey said, looking away quickly. "Um. Why?"

"Never mind," the new girl said with an exasperated sigh."Sometimes when people look at me I freeze up and turn to stone."

"I know the feeling," Casey said sympathetically.

"No, I mean I literally turn to stone. I'm a Weeping Angel—I can't move at all if people are looking at me. It gets _so _awkward."

"A Weeping—aren't those from _Doctor Who_?"

"Um… maybe?"

"Can I look at you now? My neck is starting to hurt."

"Yeah, you should be good."

Casey turned back around.

"Eeep! Watch the wings!"

"Sorry!"

When the girl finally managed to fold her giant wings back behind her seat (dropping feathers as she went) she turned to Casey and stuck out her hand. "My name's Scar."

"Like the guy from _The Lion King_?"

Scar huffed. "_No. _Like Nadine Scarlet Xena."

"… Still think it sounds like _The Lion King_," Casey said.

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

"My name's Casey Mardoll," Casey said. "So, Weeping Angel?"

"Yeah, but not all the time. I put down Weeping Angel/Winged Humanoid on my admission form, so it kind of changes randomly. Yesterday, I looked in a mirror."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. I had to wait for my roommate to turn me around before I could move again."

Casey opened her mouth to reply, but before she could do anything the door slammed open, and anything that Casey was planning on saying dissolved in a rush of fangirl hormones.

"Hello, fanbrats," Marik Ishtar said.

"Marik, stop posing for them," Bakura said, following him into the room. "Their brains are already made of mush—you don't need to further the damage.

Was she drooling?

Casey wiped her mouth.

"This is _Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series_ 101," Marik said, leaning up against the front desk. "I'm Marik—but I'm sure you figured that out—and this is Bakura."

"We're here to tell you about that goddamn parody made by some guy on the internet that destroys any credibility our series ever had and distorts our characterizations for the sheer purpose of amusing you stupid fanbrats."

"Also known as _Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series_," Marik said helpfully.

Someone in the back raised her hand.

"Yes, mortal, what is it?"

"Do you guys not like the Abridged Series?"

"_Well_—" Bakura started to say, but Marik cut him off.

"We aren't against it completely," he said, glaring at Bakura as if daring him to say otherwise. "It's good for publicity, and some of the jokes are pretty funny." He grinned. "I particularly like part that compares Bakura to… what was it?"

Bakura looked at him murderously. "Don't even, Marik."

"Kitty!" half the fangirls screamed.

"I hate you so much," Bakura muttered.

He only succeeded in fanning the fire that was fangirling.

_Try saying that ten times fast_, Casey thought.

"Excuse me," someone said.

Casey turned around to see Sea (minus the Kuriboh spit) sitting in the back, looking confused. "Um… what exactly _is Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series_?"

Most of the room gasped. "You're kidding, right?" someone said.

Sea folded her arms. "No! I have no idea what it even is!"

Bakura looked at her like she was his new hero. Then he seemed to remember that she was a fanbrat and therefore not worth the dirt on his shoes.

Such as it was.

"'_Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series,'" _Marik read off of his laptop. "According to Urban Dictionary, it's 'a series that was basically _Yu-Gi-Oh_! in 4-10 minutes, except less gay.'" He paused. "Wait, _what_?"

"A guy on the internet took the first episode of the original _Yu-Gi-Oh! _series, shortened it, and re-wrote the dialogue to be more amusing and point out the inanity of the entire thing," Bakura said. "It got popular, and he continued. He now has reached god-like status among fans. Does that answer your question, mortal?"

"Little Kuriboh _is _God!" someone suddenly shouted.

"Oops," Marik said, just as a miniature Kuriboh shot into the room with its mouth wide open and swallowed her whole.

Sea screamed and hid under her desk, and someone else shouted, "What is that _thing?"_

"That," Marik said, "is a mini-Kuriboh. They eat fanbrats."

The students stared at him.

"Oh, relax," Marik said, rolling his eyes. "They cough them up eventually. You give them indigestion."

"Why's it so small?"

"Well, it's not technically a real Kuriboh," Bakura said."We're not entirely sure, but we think that they show up when one of you lot spells a character's name wrong."

"I think this one here's Baruka," Marik said. "Nasty little buggers. Cute, right?"

The class gaped at him.

Marik shrugged. "To each his own, I guess." He bopped the Kuriboh on the head... Casey thought. Where did a Kuriboh's head end and its body begin? "Get out of here, you."

Baruka bounced off happily.

"That brings us to the main focus of this class," Bakura said."The miniature Kuribohs dislike being associated with _Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series. _If you don't want to get eaten, _don't _refer to them by the creator's old YouTube handle."

"Who was the creator?" Sea asked.

"LittleKuriboh," another student said.

Bakura rolled his eyes as another mini-Kuriboh zoomed into the room and gobbled the fangirl up.

"How did it get here so fast?" someone whispered.

"They're always lurking somewhere," Bakura said. Casey could have sworn she saw evil purple smoke rising out of the floor around him.

It was kind of creepy.

"Next person who says that name is being sent to the Shadow Realm," Marik said.

"They'll be stuck inside a Kuriboh, you idiot," Bakura said.

"Well, they can go to the Shadow Realm when they get out."

"Your logic never ceases to amaze me."

"Anyway," Marik said,"we're not saying that there's anything inherently wrong with _Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series_, so please don't do something stupid like start shouting about why it's the greatest thing in the world."

He glared at a student in the front row who had been getting angrily out of her seat. She sat back down sheepishly.

"Okay, let's get this over with," Bakura said. "I have much better things to do than teach stupid brats pointless things." He pointed to a girl with long red hair. "You. Girl in the stupid-looking sweater."

The girl pointed at herself and her fluffy pink sweater."Me?"

"Yes, you moron. What's your name."

"Rena May."

"Do you like _Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series?"_

"Yeah," Rena said. "Of course I do."

"Right. Why do you like it?"

"I think it's funny," Rena said.

"And why is it funny?" Marik asked.

"Uh… it has good jokes?"

"Obviously, otherwise you people wouldn't be so obsessed with it," Bakura said. "_What _makes the jokes so amusing?"

"They're… kind of true?" Sea offered from her position under the desk. "I mean, I wouldn't know but… _I don'tknowit'saguesspleasedon'tfeedmetoaKuriboh!"_

"Someone get her out of here," Bakura said, rolling his eyes. "Find the brat therapy."

Marik pulled his dueling deck out of his pocket. "Revival Jam, get out here."

Marik's Revival Jam blobbed its way out of the card and hovered in front of him expectantly.

"Take this kid to the counselor's office," Marik said, pointing to Sea. "Maybe Boring Me can talk some sense into her."

"_Boring Marik?" _Scar mouthed at Casey.

Casey shrugged.

Sea crawled out from under the desk and followed the Revival Jam hesitantly out of the room, peering anxiously behind her.

"Continuing," Marik said. "The jokes are true to some extent, but that's not what we're getting at here."

"I don't know, I think they have your personality down quite well, Marik," Bakura said.

"Fuck off, Bakura," Marik said calmly.

"See?"

"Does anyone _else _have something to add?"

The room was silent.

Marik sighed. "The jokes are _original. _Correct?"

There were nods around the room.

"Now, as many people have failed to realize, once a joke has been used _over nine-thousand _times—just like that one right there, and if you don't get it, go find yourself an Internet—oh, wait, we don't have Internet here. I guess you can just sit and wonder until after class, when you can find someone who's not me to explain it for you—it stops being funny. It just does. It's like reusing the same evil plan over and over again: eventually, your opponent realizes what you're doing and is no longer surprised." He looked pointedly at Bakura.

"Are you implying something, Marik?"

"No."

"But LK reuses his own jokes all the time," a girl said.

"Name?" Marik asked.

"Stephanie."

"Right. Stephanie. Have you ever told a joke before?"

"Well, sure."

"Have you ever told the same joke more than once to different people?"

"Yeah?"

"Okay. Now pretend that some people heard your joke and went around telling it over and over to everyone they met until it was no longer original at all."

"So… it's kind of like plagiarism," Casey said. She blushed. The majority of her fanfics used Abridged Series quotes.

"It's exactly like plagiarism," Bakura said. "It's fine—I suppose—if you want to throw in a reference here and there. It's even okay if you want to base the characters' personalities on those used in the Abridged Series. It's just plain annoying to tell and re-tell LK's jokes over and over again. The people who are reading your writing have most likely already heard the jokes from the original video—they don't need to hear them again from you."

The students took a minute to mull that over. _Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series: _okay. Stealing all the jokes from _Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series: _not okay.

Casey was going to have to re-think _so _much plot.

She could tell from the looks on some of the other students' faces that they were thinking along the same lines.

"I still hate that goddamn parody, though," Bakura said.

"Cry about it," Marik advised. "Fanbrats: write me a three-page paper on the merits of making up your own jokes. If you don't know any, well, you'd better figure some out fast. This is due next class."

The class groaned.

"Oh, quit whining," Bakura said. "I didn't beat the Pharaoh by complaining about all the homework my stupid host got."

"You didn't beat the Pharaoh at all," Marik pointed out.

Bakura waved a hand and grinned. Casey suddenly found herself thinking that that smile was a lot less awesome and a lot more… evil.

"Details, Marik. Details. And if they fail, they can spend tomorrow afternoon brushing Kuriboh minis."

Casey gulped and started searching for a pen.

* * *

><p>Casey's next class was called "Egyptology for Fanbrats." Shockingly, its name didn't contain any numbers between 100 and 102.<p>

"Now," Ishizu Ishtar said, addressing the students. "Who can tell me something about the _real _Ancient Egypt?"

"I can," Thief King Bakura muttered.

"Oh my Ra, I love you, Bakura!" a student named Destiny Love screamed. She leapt out of her seat and launched herself at him.

The Thief King jumped back and brandished his Millennium Ring at her. The crazy fangirl vanished in a flash of smoky purple.

Casey suddenly felt glad that she had resisted the urge to do the exact same thing to Marik in her Abridged Series class.

"Where did you send her?" Ishizu said, rolling her eyes.

"To Kaiba's class. He can feed her to a Blue Eyes."

"Fine, but when he comes complaining about his time being wasted, you can be the one to talk to him. And put my pencil back."

The Thief King grumbled and dropped Ishizu's pilfered pencil back on her desk.

"Anyway," Ishizu said. "Who knows something about Egypt?"

A student who Casey remembered being introduced to sometime during the Abridging 101 class named Kokoru Vincent raised her hand. "Both men and women wore makeup," she said with a grin, looking at the Thief King.

"Well, I was thinking something a bit more _relevant_," Ishizu said, "but yes, that's true. The ancient Egyptians believed that eye makeup held healing powers. Thick black eyeliner also absorbed light and acted as protection against the hot, bright sun."

"That explains Marik," someone muttered.

"What else?" Ishizu asked.

"They built the pyramids?" Casey offered dumbly.

"Indeed," Ishizu said. "They Egyptians built the pyramids as tombs for their deceased kings and queens. Anything else?"

"There weren't actually any Milennium Items," Stephanie said.

"Good," Ishizu said. "That brings us to the point of this class. We'll be covering the differences between _Yu-Gi-Oh!'s _Egyptian history and mythology and _your _Egyptian history and mythology. This class will mainly focus on the parts of Ancient Egypt that are not mentioned in _Yu-Gi-Oh!—_ your Canon 101 class will cover _Yu-Gi-Oh!'_s history. Any questions?"

Kokoru, a self-proclaimed mythology nerd, raised her hand again. "But aren't you two more familiar with _Yu-Gi-Oh!_'s history? How come you're teaching this?"

"For the most part," Ishizu said, "_Yu-Gi-Oh! _doesn't really tamper with or touch on actual history. The exceptions to this are, of course, the Millennium Items, the Nameless Pharaoh, and the Egyptian God Cards. You won't find Duel Monsters of any sort in the real ancient Egypt."

"So, pretty much the entire plot?" someone whispered.

"So, technically," Ishizu continued smoothly, "we are qualified to—Bakura, get your hands _out _of that student's purse!"

The Thief King glowered. "Well, you're not giving me much to do, woman. I need some way to entertain myself."

Ishizu pursed her lips. "And they wonder why I requested someone with _actual self-control _as a co-teacher," she muttered to herself. "Atem would have been fine. Or Set. Set would have been great."

The Thief King grinned and tucked a kid's wallet into his pocket.

"… Here's the curriculum for this course," Ishizu said, passing out a stack of papers.

"Can someone _please _tell me what this color is?" Casey said as soon as the stack reached her row, holding the horrible-looking paper as far away from her face as possible.

"That's bellow," the Thief King said, smiling horribly."It's half yellow and half blue, but without being actual green." He paused."We think that Yami Marik created it."

"That makes so much sense."

"Doesn't it?" the Thief King said, and snatched the paper out of her hands.

Ishizu whacked him over the head with a rolled-up copy of the school's newspaper. It was printed on bellow paper.

"Ow," Bakura complained.

"Shut up and pass out papers."

"Stupid."

Several fangirls swooned at the Thief King's pout.

"Oh, grow up," Ishizu said to them.

The Thief King stole her newspaper.


	4. Bellow Jell O: It's a Thing Now

**A/N: This was supposed to be up soooo much sooner… but my beta suddenly got terribly busy. I almost caved and posted it without editing, but then I sent it off to _Cameron Kennedy_, who did a wonderful job. ^^ Thanks again, darling.**

**To all of you that were concerned, I am now over my death-blargh cough. :) Thank you for your well wishes, guys, and I'm sorry I haven't been replying to reviews. D: **

**On another note, I hope that everyone who celebrates it had a great Thanksgiving. And everyone else… I hope that your Thursday the twenty-fifth was spectacular, too.**

**You all need to go look up drop bears. Right now. **

**Disclaimer: See chapter one.**

* * *

><p>"—And that is how I met your mother," the Thief King finished. "Any questions?"<p>

The students stared at him dumbly.

"… Weren't you supposed to teach us something about Ancient Egypt?" Kokoru said.

The Thief King waved a hand. "Details. Anyway, Ishizu told me to do something useful when she left to go predict tomorrow's weather or something else of little importance. I just put the idea that I am your father into your heads, therefore ensuring that you will not try to write me into your fan-created stories featuring unnecessarily crude and inaccurate sex scenes." He nodded. "Sounds useful to me."

Casey raised her hand. "How can you be the father of _everyone _in this classroom?"

The Thief King grinned. "I get around."

The students were saved from having to come up with a response by the loud rendition of the _Yu-Gi-Oh! _theme song, as sung by a chorus of Kuribohs, that served as the bell signaling the end of class.

"Homework!" the Thief King said as the students rose from their seats. "Steal something from your roommate and bring it in to me tomorrow. Ten extra-credit points if it's valuable!"

"I think our teacher is a bit insane," Casey said to Stephanie as they left the classroom, checking their pockets to make sure that all of their valuables were still there.

"Maybe a little."

"What's your next class?" Casey asked, pulling out her bellow schedule. "I have 'Introduction to Platonic Love, You Morons.'"

"Same here. Walk to class with me?"

They made their way down the hall, skirting around Duel Monsters that seemed to be roaming the school freely. Casey gaped at a Dark Magician as it floated by. "Dude, what's up with the holograms?"

"I'm pretty sure they're not holograms," Stephanie said, pointing to a Watapom that was gnawing on someone's head.

"Why are all the cute Duel Monsters so _evil?"_

"It's always the cute ones," Stephanie said.

"Apparently."

They pushed past a group of Scapegoats and headed towards the Platonic Love classroom.

"I wonder who's teaching this course," Casey said as she pushed open the door.

"Figured it out," Stephanie said, pointing to Yami and Yugi, who were talking animatedly about something at the front of the room.

"Don't they already teach a class together?" Casey said, grinning. Oh, the implications.

"… Are you mentally puzzleshipping?"

"It is quite possible."

"Okay, everybody. Take a seat, please," Yugi said. "This is the Platonic Love class, so if you aren't supposed to be here, I suggest you leave and find your actual class."

A few students in the back row grumbled and filed out the door.

Yugi waved cheerfully at them as they left. "They'll probably be attacked by a Watapom now. They make great hall monitors."

Some of the students shuddered.

"All right," Yami said. "Platonic love. Who can tell me what it is?"

"Friendship!" Rena May shouted.

"Er, right," Yami said, backing away from her a bit. "Yes, platonic love is basically love between friends."

"A more thorough definition is 'an intimate companionship or relationship— a spiritual affection,'" Yugi said, reading from the dictionary. He looked up. "Now, who can tell me why this is relevant to _Yu-Gi-Oh!_?

"Friendship!" Rena shouted again, even more enthusiastically.

"Do I need to go find a Watapom?" Yami asked.

Rena cowered in her seat.

"Yami," Yugi said calmly, "don't terrorize the fangirls."

"Isn't that our job?"

"… Moving on," Yugi said, snapping the dictionary shut and hopping up to sit on the desk. "That… rather _enthusiastic _answer is right. One of the main things _Yu-Gi-Oh! _focuses on—besides the card games—is the power of love."

"Like the Heart of the Cards, or the love that we have for our friends," Yami said. "For example: I love Joey. He is an excellent friend of mine. That does not necessarily mean I want to… partake in dubious activities with him."

Some of the fangirls gasped.

Yugi rolled his eyes. "The point is, you can love someone without being _in love _with someone."

"Are you 'in love' with Yami?" one of the more daring fangirls asked.

Yami spluttered. "Wha—that's—"

"No comment," Yugi said smoothly.

Some of the fangirls snickered.

"No, really," Yugi said. "That's seriously not a confirmation or a denial. According to school rules, I'm not allowed to tell you anything about my personal relationships because it gives you guys the wrong idea—and I can definitely see what they meant now."

"If we said that we were in a relationship," Yami said, "half of you would storm us out of anger, and the other half would storm us making that strange noise… what was it called, Yugi?"

"'Squeeing'," Yugi said.

"Right, that."

"So, we really can't tell you anything," Yugi said cheerfully. "Though, why we'd want to do that in the first place, I wouldn't know."

He paused and looked at the fangirls. "Why aren't you taking notes?"

Yami pulled up a projection from their laptop. "This is a list of some of the different kinds of relationships. Please sort them into two categories: 'platonic' and 'romantic.'"

"But there are like, five hundred words on there!"

Yami raised an eyebrow. "Well then, you'd better start working."

Casey made a mental reminder to find more notebooks.

"I have so much homework, it's not even funny," Casey complained as she dropped down into an empty seat for lunch.

Aurora barely looked up from her raw hamburger. "Don't remind me."

"What's for lunch?" Casey asked, looking at the cafeteria line.

"Hamburgers. And eggs."

"Eggs? For lunch?"

Aurora shrugged.

"I think it's the course-coordinator's fault," Scar said. She was sitting next to Aurora and eyeing her own plate distrustfully. "I'm not sure whether or not I should eat this. Does anyone know who made it?"

"I heard it was Yami Marik," Rena May said. "Does this Jell-O look bellow-colored to anyone else?"

"Heh, bellow Jell-O."

"Why aren't you sitting with Kokoru?" Casey asked Rena. "Aren't you two roommates?"

"Yeah, but she scares me," Rena whined, looking nervously at Kokoru's table. "She keeps doing this maniacal-laughter thing."

They all looked over at Kokoru, who was staring up at the teachers' platform, making goo-goo eyes at Yami Marik.

He didn't appear to notice her, as he was too busy slipping something into Yami's Jell-O.

"Hey, guys," someone said. "Can I sit here?"

"Hey, Sea!" Casey said, pulling her down into a chair. "How was therapy?"

"It was… interesting," Sea said, staring at her plate. "Nice Marik's the counselor."

"Nice Marik?"

"Marik from the end of Battle City," Sea said. "You know, after he forfeited the duel with Yami to beat Yami Marik."

"Ohhh," Casey said, sighing dreamily. Mmm, heroic-Marik. Sexy.

"So, have your Kuriboh fears been reduced at all?" Aurora asked.

"Well, Marik says that my fear is natural, and that I shouldn't try to repress it. Bottled emotions are a recipe for disaster." She appeared thoughtful. "I guess he's right. I mean, I _did _get eaten by a Kuriboh. That would traumatize anyone, right?"

"Definitely," Rena said. "You gonna eat your Jell-O?"

The rest of the table stared at her.

"What? It's not half-bad, once you get used to the weird burning sensation."

"Um. Rena?"

"Yeah?"

"You should probably go see the nurse."

"… I should, shouldn't I?"

"Oh my god," Sea said, "Yami Marik just dumped an entire bowl of bellow Jell-O on Kaiba's head."

They watched Kaiba stand up, flick a chunk of Jell-O off of his trench coat, and calmly deck Yami Marik in the face.

It was utter chaos from there.

"Food fight!" Joey and Tristan screamed.

Most of the students immediately started tossing their half-eaten lunch. Up on the teachers' platform, Casey thought that she saw the course-coordinator throw a handful of potato chips at Marik's head and then duck behind Ishizu when he turned to glare at her.

Above everyone's heads, Kuriboh minis floated happily, gobbling up flying chunks of jello and eggs.

Casey hid under the table and started working on her Canon 101 homework.

* * *

><p>"Duel Monsters," Seto Kaiba snapped later on in class, "is not a game."<p>

He held his hands behind his back and paced his way slowly down the aisles of desks. His trench coat fluttered menacingly behind him.

"It is a commitment—a test of skill, strength, and desire to go farther than anyone else has ever gone before. It is a complex structure of rules and lines. There are times when it is okay to bend and break those rules and lines."

He fixed the students with a freezing glare. "And there are times when bending and breaking those rules and lines will lead you to failure."

"So… you're telling us to screw the rules?"

"There's a mini Kuriboh sitting right outside this doorway, fanbrat. Do not tempt me."

"So Duel Monsters is a game," Duke Devlin summed up, playing disinterestedly with a pair of dice.

"I _just said—_"

"Boring," Duke said with a yawn. "Why can't we teach these kids something cool? Like Dungeon Dice Monsters."

They were in the "Rules for Duels" classroom, which Casey had assumed was going to be a boring class. Everyone knew that nobody wanted to watch _Yu-Gi-Oh! _for the card games.

Well, there were a _few_ students who seemed to care—but they might have been staring at Kaiba with rapt fascination because of his sexiness instead of his knowledge of the card game.

It was really hard to tell at this point.

Kaiba hefted a stack of books and dumped them into Duke's arms. "Because, one: Duel Monsters and Dungeon Dice Monsters are the same damn thing—"

"Now wait a—"

"And two: is KaibaCorp. invested in Dungeon Dice Monsters? No it is not. Therefore, it is of little importance. Moving on."

"… Have you always been this full of yourself? Oh, wait. Yes. Yes you have."

Casey sighed. She'd never really focused much on _this _particular pairing, but maybe….

"Ew," the boy sitting next to her said, looking at Casey and sounding scared. "Oh, god, you're not picturing what I think you're picturing, are you?"

Next to him, looking bored and very-much transparent, another guy named Gregory said, "Oh, grow up, Jonathan."

Being the only two boys in the school (at least, that anyone had noticed yet) they had ended up rooming together out of default.

Neither of them was very happy with the arrangement.

"Shut up, ghost boy."

Gregory reached out and shoved a transparent hand through Jonathan's forehead. "Gee, original."

"Oh my god, you touched my _brain!"_

Gregory opened his mouth to say something extremely obvious, but snapped it shut again when he noticed Kaiba standing over his desk, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Are you quite finished making unnecessary noise in my classroom?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good," Kaiba said, turning around smartly and heading towards the front of the class again. "You'll do well to remember that even ghosts can die in this school, Mr. Gregory."

Jonathan snickered.

Gregory responded by sinking through his own chair and popping up under Jonathan's feet.

"Ack!"

"I am going to turn around," Kaiba said, staring at the chalkboard, "and you are both going to be _in your seats_ with your mouths closed. Correct?"

"… Yeah."

"Uh-huh."

"Now," Kaiba said, spinning around and glaring at the boys, who were sitting still with their hands folded neatly on top of their desks, "the books that Duke is passing out are copies of the official Duel Monsters handbook. You will have this book tomorrow and every class for the rest of the school year, or I will not hesitate to feed you to my Blue Eyes White Dragon."

The class gulped and looked out the window, which a Blue Eyes had been flying past since the beginning of the period.

It was a _lot _less cute in person.

Several mauled fangirls could testify for that.

"Any questions?"

If there were any, everyone was too scared to ask them.

"Good. Shut up and listen."

The students complied.

"Duel Monsters," Kaiba began, "was created by Maximilian Pegasus. Of course, there is a _theory _out there that states that the game was originally played in ancient Egypt, but in this class, we're talking about _facts, _not _theories. _Today, the game exists in your world as well—though none of you have managed to create the holographic version yet." Kaiba scoffed, looking like this disappointed him immensely._ "_The rules we will be teaching you are the ones used in your tournaments. They are derived from the original game played in our series._"_

"_Who knew that you could make a game sound so boring_?" a student named Angel scribbled on a notebook, which she showed to Casey when Kaiba wasn't looking. Angel was another one of the "special" students—students who claimed to be something other than human. She had put down Angel/Authoress as a species when filling out her application form, so she had huge wings that got in the way of everything and the tendency to have to write down anything she wanted to say.

"Tell me about it," Casey whispered back, yawning into her hand.

"Eventually, you will all receive a booster-pack of Duel Monsters cards," Kaiba continued, "but for now we're going to talk about the mechanics of the game. Devlin, stop lounging around and get up here."

Duke strolled up to where Kaiba was standing, ignoring the death glare being sent his way. "Right. Rules of duels. Who knows 'em?"

"You have to get your opponent's life points down to zero," someone said.

"Cool. What else?"

"You use… cards?"

"This is pathetic," Kaiba said. "Homework is to study the first two chapters of the Duel Monsters official guidebook. There will be a test next class. Dismissed."

"Two whole chapters," Casey complained to Aurora on the way out. "God, does he know how much reading that is?"

Aurora didn't answer; she was too busy checking out Gregory. "He is dead, and I am undead," she said. "It vould never vork!" She sighed. "So romantic."

"What?"

"… Never mind. Vhat class do ve have next?"

"Um… I've got basic sex ed." Casey made a face. "Oh, come on. That class always sucks."

"I heard that Yugi teaches that class," Aurora said, still staring at Gregory, who was using his ghostly-advantage to walk through students and get to class faster. It failed when he turned solid half-way through and crashed into Jonathan, who started chasing him down the hall.

Casey groaned. "Oh, great. We'll probably be the ones who end up teaching _him _everything."

"I don't know," Aurora said. "I heard that his class vas… very descriptive."

"How many classes does Yugi teach, anyway?"

They entered the classroom, where Yugi was sitting at the front desk, talking to—

"Ew, it's that bitch, Téa," Casey said, heading to a desk in the back. "Is she here to friendship-speech at us?"

"What's wrong with friendship?" Rena May said, pouting as she entered the room.

"Death to friendship!" Kokoru responded, pumping her fist in the air.

Rena sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't know what to do with you."

"You can gift-wrap me and send me to Yami Marik," Kokoru said.

"Yeah, well maybe I—wait, what?"

"Mwahaha."

"Do you have a cough or something? You've been doing that all day."

"Take a seat, guys," Téa said, calmly ignoring the hisses coming from most of the fangirls.

"Right," Yugi said once everyone was situated. "Raise your hand if you've had to take some kind of health class that covers sexual education."

The majority of the class raised their hands.

"Now, how many of you have taken a health class that covers sexual intercourse between two people of the same gender?"

The hands went down.

"Okay, now how many of you have ever _written _two people of the same gender having sex with each other?"

More hands shot up. Casey joined them, feeling slightly sheepish.

"Excuse me," someone said. "Yugi?"

"Yes?"

"Do you… are you even aware of what sex _is?"_

Yugi rolled his eyes. "If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that today…."

"You'd have a lot of dollars," Téa said, grinning.

"Okay, pop quiz," Yugi said. "By show of hands: who here likes 'slash' fiction?"

A few hands went up.

"… Is that like slasher movies?" Sea asked.

Yugi sighed. "Slash as in… well, I believe that you people generally call it 'yaoi'."

"Ohhhhh," most of the class said.

"And how many of you like het?" Yugi said.

"… What's that?" a girl named Fleur asked.

Before Yugi could answer, Kokoru said, "It's disgusting, that's what it is! Ew! I mean, seriously. Keep your perverted dreams in your freaking _heads, _people!"

Most of the class looked at her like she was insane.

"Kokoru?" Yugi said.

"Yeah, what?"

"You… are aware that 'het' is short for 'heterosexual.' Right?"

"Um."

"And that heterosexual means 'different sex?'"

"… Oh."

"So you've pretty much just completely dissed straight people," Gregory said cheerfully.

Kokoru blushed. "Oh," she said again. "Uh. My bad?"

"It's all right," Yugi said. "It's actually a common… well, okay, it's not _that _common of a mistake, but still. It happens. People confuse their terms all the time."

"Obviously," Gregory said, chuckling at Kokoru.

"Shut up," Jonathan said.

"Are you in _every single one _of my classes, or what?"

"So," Téa said cheerfully. "Sex. Let's talk about it."

She went to the computer and pulled up a projection labeled, "Sex: What Goes Where?"

The students gulped.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, down the hall….<p>

_Logistics: Writing Realistically, _Joey Wheeler scribbled across the chalkboard. "Hokay, time for learning," he said, wiping his hands on his jeans.

"You mean you're finally going to let me teach you something?" Tristan asked. "Well, it's about time!"

"Shut up! I was talking to them!"

"Do you think these guys are really the best characters out there to teach this class?" Elizabeth Frost whispered to Ebony Smith.

Ebony shrugged, keeping her eyes glued to the screen of her cellphone under the desk. "Must… find… service. Need… technology… need… service. Must… find… service…."

The class had been going on for about twenty minutes, and no one had learned anything so far. Mostly because Joey and Tristan kept getting distracted by the mini-fridge they had set up in the corner.

"Hey, gimme back my hotdog!"

"Naw, I don't think I will. Why don't you teach the class, and I'll eat this hotdog?"

Eliza sighed and twiddled her thumbs on her desk.

* * *

><p>"Finally, the last class of the day," Casey said to no one in particular, dropping her books onto an empty desk in the mostly-deserted Writing for Fanbrats classroom. "Who the heck knew that a school devoted to fanfiction could be so grueling?"<p>

An Australian girl named Krystal Marie nodded, taking the next seat over. "Seriously. My brain is exhausted."

"Did anyone else get mountains of homework from Kaiba?" Chrysanthemum Sintario (who thankfully allowed everyone to call her Chrys) said.

"Yep," Casey said. "How much do you guys have to read?"

"The whole Duel Monsters handbook."

"Ouch. How come?"

"Someone told Kaiba that his trench coat was tacky. He got pissed."

"Brutal," Casey said, shaking her head.

The door opened with a bang, and a man (Casey thought) with short red hair and a scowl stormed into the classroom. "Take a seat, fanbrats," he snapped. "And if you're not in the right place, scram."

"What crawled up his butt and died?" Kokoru mumbled, dropping into a seat.

"I heard that. Take a detention."

Kokoru grumbled and sunk lower into her chair.

"My name is Alister," the man said.

"Oh," Casey said softly in surprise. Now she recognized him—he was in one of LittleKuriboh's videos!

"…You're from season four, aren't you?"

Alister rolled his eyes. "_Yes. _I swear, the number of times I've been asked that today…."

"Well, no one really watched season four," Kokoru pointed out. "LK kind of tabooed it."

"I hate that man so much," Alister mumbled to the ceiling. He turned back to the class. "Now. I'm supposed to be teaching you all how to write. How I'm supposed to manage that is beyond me, but I haven't given up on anything yet, even a lost cause, and I'm not about to start today."

He glared at his watch. "I'm _also _supposed to have someone in here teaching this class with me, but he is yet again proving himself to be unreliable and, and – "

The door slammed open again, cutting Alister off.

"Did'ja start class already? Without me? Aw, I'm heartbroken."

"Hello, Valon," Alister sighed.

Valon waved. "Howdy. Sorry I'm late, but me and Joey got into a bit of a disagreement in the hallway, and—"

"Save it," Alister snapped.

Valon rolled his eyes dramatically. "Sure thing. Hello, fanbrats."

Krystal raised her hand. "Are you really Australian?"

"Uh… yes?"

Krystal grinned. "Meet any drop bears lately?"

Valon sighed. "Tons of 'em. Been knocking the little buggers out of my hair all day." He pointed a gloved finger at her. "I'd look out if I were you. You never know where they might be hiding."

"Yes, Valon," Alister said, "we know you're a stereotype. Can we please get back on subject?"

"Hey! I am not a stereotype!"

Alister rolled his eyes. "Please. You couldn't be more stereotypical if you'd walked out of Hetalia."

Valon groaned. "Aw, great. Now we're going to have to go run and close up another crossover plot hole."

"They're actually great for riding motorcycles through."

"Card games on motorcycles!" half of the classroom screamed.

Valon and Alister climbed up onto the desk as the room was swarmed by mini Kuribohs.

"You think they would have learned by now," Alister remarked.

"Blimey," Valon whispered.

Then a drop bear fell on his head.

* * *

><p>The class stumbled out of the room, picking bits of Kuriboh fuzz off of their clothes.<p>

"That's it," Casey said. "This school is insane."

"What tipped you off?" Rena mumbled, staring dejectedly at her Kuriboh-spit-covered boots. "Dang it, and these were brand new, too."

"Cheer up, guys," Kokoru said. "It's dinner time!"

"Finally," Casey said. "I'm starving. I barely ate anything at lunch."

"Neither did anyone with half a brain."

They entered the cafeteria and sat down at a table with Sea, Aurora, Eliza, and Ebony, the latter with her face still in her cellphone.

"Is she still trying to get reception?" Casey asked, staring at Ebony.

"I think she's in denial," Eliza whispered back.

"Wait, wait! I have a bar! I have a—oh, never mind. It's just a bellow stain."

"Excuse me," Eggy said into a microphone up on the main stage. Or, tried to say, since her voice gave out halfway through the first word as she dissolved into a coughing fit. "Oh, fuck this. Roland, you talk."

"Is the course-coordinator wearing… pants with birds on them?"

"I don't think we should ask."

"Attention, students," Roland said, taking Eggy's place. "Before we begin dinner, there are several things that need to be attended to. First is the list of school rules that you are going to be expected to follow during your time here."

Roland pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and cleared his throat. "Rule number one: there is to be no glomping of staff. Rule number two: there are to be no card games played in the halls in between classes."

The majority of the staff grumbled.

"Rule number three: you will not, under any circumstances, attempt to molest a Kurib—all right, who wrote this one?"

Yami Bakura and Yami Marik pointed at each other.

"Rule number four: Seto Kaiba's private jet is not to be used by—"

Yami Marik threw a handful of bellow jello at his face.

"Oh, it is so on, bitch!" Eggy screamed, jumping out of her chair. Then she started coughing again.

Rafael stood up and attempted to manhandle Yami Marik off the stage. He ultimately failed when Yami Marik pulled out his Millennium Rod and turned the dining hall into a portal to the Shadow Realm.

"Kick his arse, Rafael!" Valon yelled.

Then another drop bear fell on his head.


	5. One or Two Night Time Adventures

Edit: Reposting this as well due to some derpy formatting. *headdesks* I despair, ya'll. Sorry for the inbox spam.

**A/N: Lost most of the chapter the first time around. Grr. FF.N's not letting me answer reviews, but thank you for them all the same. :D Also, if you submitted a character recently, please note that I am very, very behind in my updating schedule, but not so much in the actual writing of the chapters—meaning, if the person you submitted doesn't show up 'till chapter eleven, don't be surprised. **

**Speaking of submissions, I'm going to be setting a deadline very soon, since too many characters are just going to get really hard to keep track for me and probably everyone else. If you don't make the deadline, don't worry, as there will always be next semester. :) **

**Finally, thank you very much to CK for her speedy editing skills. :D You are the wonderfulest kind of wonderful.**

**Disclaimer: See chapter one**

* * *

><p>Kaiba managed to wrestle his way out the back door of the dining hall, grumbling to himself and brushing food off of his trench coat. It was like these people thought he had time to waste on them or something. It wasn't like he had enough to do without trying to make lesson plans, grade papers, and, oh, yeah, <em>run a multi-billion dollar company—<em>now he had to take part in their ridiculous _food fights _as well?

Honestly. The maturity level of this school needed some serious reassessment.

Kaiba unlocked the door to his classroom and set his briefcase down on his desk, pulling out his cellphone.

"Mokuba, bring me a sandwich or something. I have work to do."

_"Sure, bro. Do you want mayo?"_

"… I think you know the answer to that question, Mokuba."

"_Right on it, Seto!"_

Ten minutes later, armed with a ham and cheese sandwich (hold the mayo, extra pickles, and don't you dare skip the honey mustard), Kaiba sat down to check the stock market.

Ah. The stock market. There was nothing quite as relaxing as sitting down with his favorite laptop and—

"Oh, rich boy! Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

Kaiba groaned and resisted the urge to slam his face against the desk.

"Come on, moneybags! I'm not getting any younger here!"

Kaiba clenched his jaw. Must. Not. Punch. New. Computer. "What do you want, Wheeler?"

"I have a proposition that you can't refuse!" Joey said, poking his head into the classroom. "Wanna hear it?"

"No," Kaiba said.

"Aw, come on— hey, is that honey mustard?"

Kaiba slapped Joey's hand away from his sandwich. "Down, mutt. And get out of my classroom."

"But I've got the perfect way to insure that your students to _all _their homework—no questions asked."

Kaiba's fingers paused over the keys. "… I'm listening."

Joey grinned and held up three fingers. "I got three words for you, Kaiba. Strip. Duel. Monsters."

"… Get out."

"Well, fine," Joey said, shrugging nonchalantly. "I'll just take my little idea over to someone who can actually appreciate it. Like… say… Duke Devlin." He grinned. "And I think that Yami and Yugi might want to get in on it, too."

Kaiba sighed, long and low. He drummed his fingers slowly against the desk.

"… Dammit. Fine. Let's do this, Wheeler."

* * *

><p>"Did anyone actually catch what those rules were?" Casey asked as they left the chaos that was the dining hall.<p>

"Nope," Sea said, "but I think that Kokoru just shoved someone's face into a bowl of pudding.

They stuck their heads back through the door to watch.

* * *

><p>"I play… one card face down, and end my turn."<p>

"Ha. You're going to have to do better than that, Wheeler. I'm attacking your life points directly with my Blue Eyes White Dragon!"

"Not so fast, Kaiba! You just activated my trap card, which mirrors your attack right back at you!"

"… Dammit."

"Ha! Take that!"

"Oh, shut up and draw, mutt."

"Admit it—I'm awesome."

"I'll admit you're awesome when you admit that socks count as two separate items."

"In your dreams, rich boy."

* * *

><p>They finally managed to drag Kokoru out of the dining hall—once most everyone else had already given up on trying to throw the cream of mushroom soup and had retreated to their dorms to nurse their wounds and pick pieces of crushed crackers out of their hair—by pretending that Yami Marik was signing autographs in the hallway.<p>

Never mind the fact that Yami Marik had been dropping corn down Odion's shirt at the time.

Besides, Eggy had just grabbed the microphone (after dumping one last glass of punch on Roland's head) and was starting up an angry rant at the remaining staff about how if they were going to get into food fights, they should at least try and take out some freaking students instead of each other."

"Come one, Kokoru! You're never going to get a decent picture at this angle, anyway."

"But… but… look! He has his shirt off!"

"He's also covered in tuna casserole. Tuna casserole does not equal sexy."

Kokoru seemed to consider this.

"Dude," Casey said. "No."

"Oh, come on," Rena snapped, pulling Kokoru out of the room. "Honestly."

Kokoru pouted, tucking her camera back into her bag. "You never let me have any fun."

Casey and Aurora followed them back to the dorms. "You think they'll ever stop arguing?" Casey asked.

Aurora shrugged. "I suppose. Sometimes. Vhen they're busy doing other things."

Casey rolled her eyes.

They finally reached their room, and Aurora groaned in frustration, dragging her fingers through her tangled, messy hair. "I am never going to get these peas out They're all mixed in with the carrots! Vhy did I go for the mixed vegetables?"

"Hey, it could be worse!" Casey said. "_Always look on the briiiight side of liiiife—!"_

Kokoru glared at her. "Stop singing."

Casey patted her head in sympathy, waving to Kokoru and Rena as they disappeared into their own dorm room across the hall. "Sorry," Casey said sheepishly. "_Life of Brian" _aside, you can have the shower first if you want it."

Aurora responded by stalking into the bathroom and slamming the door shut. Casey her the lock close with a solid _schuuk. _

She shrugged, dropped onto her bellow-colored sheets, and pulled out a magazine.

* * *

><p>"I do believe that I just knocked out a quarter of your life points, Yami."<p>

"Ha. Look who's wearing the leather pants in this room now!"

"Watch it, Joey. The fangirls aren't the only ones who have to worry about Kuribohs."

"Yeah, yeah. Pass the potato chips."

"Don't try to hide it, Joey—they can smell fear."

"All I can smell is your crappy cologne, Devlin."

"Your sister liked my cologne just fine—"

"Don't even—"

"—last night."

"You're so dead. I summon Winged Kuriboh!"

"Why do you have that card?"

"I have no idea."

* * *

><p>Casey reread the same page of her magazine for the eighth time and glared at it in frustration. "Why are all the articles in here about card games, Kaiba's massive amounts of money, or ads for Kuriboh grooming services?"<p>

She looked at the clock. It was getting rather late… and she still had noodles behind her ears.

She got up and went to pound on the bathroom door. "Aurora? Hey, are you almost done in there?"

_"Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, caught in a bad romance—!"_

Casey backed away from the door. "… Never mind, then."

She grabbed a pen and piece of scrap paper and scribbled a note to Aurora.

_A—_

_Going to steal Kokoru and Rena's shower. If I'm not back soon either Kokoru kidnapped me or Marik finally came to his senses and decided to ask me to elope with him._

_—Casey_

Then she grabbed a towel and a pair of pajamas and headed out the door, humming as she went.

_"Oh-oh-oh-oh— _dammit!"

* * *

><p>"Did you even know they <em>made <em>Blue Eyes White Dragon- print boxers, Yami? 'Cause I sure didn't."

"… Strip Duel Monsters was a really dumb idea."

"You're just saying that because you're losing. I think it's going quite well."

"Yeah, says the guy who still has both his socks."

"Duke, stop looking at Yami's cards."

"Hey, I'm up against three international champions here—I need _some _kind of help!"

"Like you have any qualms against getting naked."

"That's not the point! Dignity, Wheeler. Dignity."

"You gave that up with your pants. Play a damn card."

* * *

><p>"Hey, anyone home?" Casey said, knocking on Kokoru and Rena's door.<p>

Rena poked her head out. "Yeees?"

"Can I borrow your shower? Aurora's hogging all the hot water."

"Well, with that hair, I can see why." Rena held the door open. "Come on in."

Casey waved to Kokoru, who was sitting on the floor. "'Sup?"

Kokoru raised a hand in greeting. "Don't use the lemon shampoo."

"… Why?"

"It attracts Kuribohs."

Casey shuddered. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

"Just looking out for you, bro."

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later, noodle-free and smelling freshly of strawberries (not lemons), Casey dropped down on Rena's bed, toweling off her hair. "I want to go back to my room and sleep, but I don't really want to listen to Aurora singing "Poker Face" or something right before bed."<p>

Rena paused in painting her nails. "Aurora sings Gaga?"

"Apparently."

Rena stifled a giggle.

"Ew," Kokoru said, still on the floor, playing with a Kuriboh plushie. Almost everyone had tried to get her to get rid of the damn thing—Sea had practically gone into a catalytic shock when she saw it—but so far Kokoru had refused.

"Hey, don't dis Gaga."

"You _would _like her."

"You _wouldn't."_

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Is everyone here to use up my hot water?" Rena whined, folding herself off of the bed. Her _My Little Pony_ pajamas rustled as she moved.

Casey decided not to ask.

"Hey, guys!" Elizabeth Frost said, once Rena had opened the door. Behind her Sea gave a nervous wave.

"Hey, what's up?" Rena said. "Why are you out of your room?"

"Because, _mother," _ Eliza said, "we're going to sneak into the staff section!"

"… Wait, what?"

Eliza held up a camera. "I wanna get a picture of Ryou! He's so cute." She sighed dreamily.

Casey frowned, peering over Rena's shoulder. "Not to be a stick in the mud, but isn't that kind of a bad idea? It _is _off-limits to students."

Eliza waved a hand.

"Dude," Casey said. "Remember the Kuribohs."

Sea poked at her roommate's shoulder nervously. "I don't know, Eliza, maybe she's right. Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

"What about you, Kokoru?" Eliza asked. "You in?"

Kokoru considered. "Can we go see Marik?"

Eliza shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

Kokoru whooped. "Count me in!"

Rena sighed. "I guess I should come keep an eye on you."

"Casey?"

"Well…" Casey said.

Sea looked at her pleadingly.

"Oh, fine," Casey said. "I guess I wouldn't mind getting to see some teachers."

"All right!" Eliza said, pumping her fist in the air. "Let's do this!"

"Do you have a map?" Casey asked.

"Right here," Eliza said with a grin. "To Narnia!"

"What about Narnia?" Kokoru said.

"Figure of speech, bro."

"Ohhh. What?"

Eliza rolled her eyes. "Let's just go."

"'Kay."

* * *

><p>Back in Casey and Aurora's room…<p>

"_Don't be a drag, just be a queen, whether you're broke or— _Oh, darn. There goes the shampoo._"_

_…_

"… Oo, lemons."

* * *

><p>"Okay, so the map says we have to make a left."<p>

"What? No, that leads to the auditorium. The staff section's in the other direction."

"But the map _clearly _says—"

"The map's wrong, dude."

"Okay, you've been here, like, a day. The map's been here its whole freaking life. Who do you think knows the school better?"

"Uh, guys?" Sea said, pointing to a sign on a door. It read, _Staff Section: No students allowed (which means get the fuck out, fanbrat.)_

"… Okay, so maybe the sign's been here longer than the map has."

They pushed the door open.

* * *

><p>Down the hall, a Kuriboh-mini stopped. It smelled fangirls.<p>

More specifically, fangirls that were roaming the hallways when they weren't supposed to.

It made its way through the staff section, feeling very much like that one cat in that book series about the guy who couldn't kill a baby with shiny green magic.

The Kuriboh's world made so much more sense than anyone else's—it was quite sad, really.

A midnight snack sounded good right about now….

* * *

><p>"Your move, Joey."<p>

"… Can I skip?"

"No, you moron. What do you think this is, 'Truth or Dare?'"

"We should totally play that next."

"Shut up, Duke."

* * *

><p>"Urgh, it sure is dark in here."<p>

"Oh, hey—I think I found a light switch!"

"Don't pull—!"

_ZAP_

"… That. Never mind."

"Aw, man. Now it's ever darker in here than it was before!"

* * *

><p><em>ZAP<em>

"Whoa, what was that?"

"I think the power just went out."

"Shit. Anyone got a—oh, thanks, Yami."

"The Millennium Puzzle—ancient Egyptian artifact _and _light source!"

"Wonderful. Two for one."

"Shh, guys! I think someone's coming."

"Great. Maybe they can save me from you dweebs."

"You're wearing nothing but your underwear, Kaiba. Don't bet on it."

"… Whoever it is is gone. Let's just keep playing."

* * *

><p>"Hey, I found a door!"<p>

Casey pressed her ear to the wood and listened.

_ "No, Kaiba—you can't count your bellybutton ring as an article of clothing."_

Casey gaped.

_"You used your _Duel Disk, _Wheeler. Shut up and shuffle."_

She couldn't help it—the fangirling instincts kicked in.

"Squee!"

"… Wow," Kokoru said as Casey gripped the doorknob. "I've never actually heard anyone make that noise before."

"Kaiba… Joey… bellybutton rings…" Casey looked like she was about to swoon.

"… No comment."

"Nope."

"None at all."

"Can we go find Marik now?"

* * *

><p>"Shut, up, shut up—there's someone outside the door!"<p>

"I've had just about enough of this," Kaiba said, standing up. He was somewhat less threatening minus the trench coat.

"Blue Eyes White Dragon—go take everyone standing in the hallway into custody. Deposit them in the Shadow Realm or something. I'm through."

"You think he's only sayin' that 'cause he's about to lose?" Joey said.

"Beats me. Should we tell him he's wearing nothing but that necklace of his?"

"Naw—savor the moment, Yug. Savor the moment. Joey Wheeler: one. Money Bags: three hundred. Things are looking up for me!"

* * *

><p>Casey woke up choking on dark purple smoke.<p>

"Ugh," she said, clutching her head. "Where am I?"

"Shadow Realm, I think," Kokoru said, sounding excited. "Ooh, I've always wanted to come here! It's wonderful!"

She breathed in deeply and coughed out smoke. "Yay, it really _does _taste like lung cancer!"

"You're a piece of work," Rena mumbled.

"Man, I just wanted a picture," Eliza complained. "Now we're stuck here."

"Well, look on the bright side," Sea said cheerfully. "No Kuribohs!"

(Back in the staff section, the mini Kuriboh glared, and the Blue Eyes White Dragon looked smug.)

"Hopefully Aurora will notice I'm missing and save us," Casey said, sitting down. "Until then… anyone want to play checkers?"

"We don't have a board. Or actual checkers."

"We can play _invisible _checkers!" Rena said.

Kokoru sat down. "This is gonna take a while."

* * *

><p>Aurora finally shut off the shower and wrapped a towel around her hair.<p>

"That was relatively quick," she said, walking back into the room.

As she was drying off, she noticed the note Casey had left on her pillow.

"Huh," she said after she had read it.

Then she went to bed.

* * *

><p>"Maybe we should think of this as a lesson, guys," Sea said some time later.<p>

Everyone else paused their game of invisible checkers and looked at her.

"Maybe… maybe we should stop stalking people," Sea said quietly. "Maybe we should move on."

Everyone looked at each other.

"Nah."

"Stalking is just another form of love," Kokoru said firmly.

Rena rolled her eyes. "It really, really isn't."

"FANBRATS," a voice said suddenly, vibrating through the shadows.

"Who else heard that? I'm not going crazy, am I? Help! I don't want to be insane!"

"You're already there, bro."

"Okay, who's there?"

"I AM ZORC NECROFADES—RULER OF ALL THINGS EVIL."

"Does this mean you're going to eat us?" Kokoru said fearfully.

"WHAT? NO. IT MEANS THAT I AM YOUR KING."

Casey looked at the other four girls. "Well, I don't know about them, but I'm from America, and we don't really do the whole—"

"SILENCE!"

"'Kay," Casey said meekly.

"HAVE YOU MORTALS LEARNED THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS? ARE YOU PREPARED TO ATONE FOR YOUR SINS? OR ARE YOU PLANNING ON STAYING IN MY REALM UNTIL THE END OF TIME?"

"Oh, is that what this is about?" Casey said. "Because in that case, definitely learned."

"Yep. All learned out."

"Friendship! And, and morals! And… stuff."

"… Are you _really _the king of evil?"

"YES," Zorc said. He managed to sound tired.

Well, being the king of all things nefarious would do that to you.

"Dammit," Kokoru mumbled. "I wanted that job."

"TRUST ME, FOOL. YOU ARE NO WHERE NEAR WORTHY OF THIS MOMENTUS JOB. NOW, ARE WE ALL GOOD HERE? BECAUSE _JERSEY SHORE _STARTS IN TEN MINUTES AND I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU GOT THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIVING ROOM."

There was a sudden flash of light, and the five of them were dumped unceremoniously back in Rena and Kokoru's room.

"Holy shit," Casey whispered, grabbing onto one of the beds. "Holy _shit."_

"Is it over?" Sea asked, peering through her fingers."

"I think so. What the heck was that all about?"

"I'm not sure," Casey admitted. "But all this moving around in the Shadow Realm is making my head hurt."

"Reminds me of the time I got kicked out of my church," Eliza said thoughtfully. "Only with more evil monsters and Blue Eyes White Dragons and—okay, never mind."

"… How the hell do you get kicked out of church?"

Eliza shrugged. "They really don't like Ultimate Frisby?"

"Weird."

"Yep."

"… I'm going to bed." Casey stood up, stretching. "Well, that's at least ten years of nightmare fuel," she said. "What do you guys think?"

"Fifteen," Rena said. "Seto Kaiba's bellybutton ring."

"Can I please, please, _please _mention that in class tomorrow?"

"Not if you don't want to get nommed by a Blue Eyes, you can't."

"Goodnight, guys," Sea said, heading for the door.

"Hey, Sea, wait!" Kokoru said. She rummaged around in her bed, pulled out her Kuriboh plushie, and tossed it at Sea's head."

"Ahh!" Sea yelled, cowering. "Helphelphelp!"

"Kokoru, that was mean!" Rena said. "Look, Sea, it's just a plushie—it's stuffed. It doesn't even _have _a mouth, see? Nothing but fluff—?"

"I remember when those things used to be cute," Casey muttered. "Night, y'all."

She left the room and tiptoed down the hall to where her own dorm was.

"Psst—Aurora!" she whispered, rattling the knob. "Aurora!"

Nothing.

Casey groaned and turned around, heading back the way she came.

"Can I sleep in here?" she asked when she reached Kokoru and Rena's room again. "I'm locked out."

"Hah, sucks to be you."

"Shut up, Kokoru. Sure, you can stay. You don't mind bellow sheets, do you?"

"Not at this point," Casey sighed.

"… Do you think anyone will believe us if we tell them about this tomorrow?"

"Probably. This place is absolutely crazy."

"If I leave here insane, I'm so suing."

"Can't," Kokoru yawned. "'S in the contract."

Casey didn't answer—she was already asleep.

* * *

><p>Back in their dorm room, Aurora snored on, oblivious.<p>

* * *

><p>"… Fucking… Pokemon… one more… freaking… level. Oh, hey there, Kaiba. Fancy seeing you here."<p>

"… I'm here for my pants."

"I thought that was the case. So, I'm holding them hostage."

"Wheeler, you can't hold _pants _hostage."

"Can and am. Fifty bucks, moneybags. Pay up or never see your tailored slacks again."

"… I'll give you thirty."

"Forty five."

"Thirty five."

"Forty, or they're going to the Watapom waiting outside."

"… Deal. Fine. God, Wheeler."

"Hey, it could have been Mokuba."

"_Mokuba _did not have to be custom-fit to lay right with my trench coat."

"And your bellybutton ring?"

"… Shut up."

* * *

><p>"<em>Casey. I just wanted to tell you that… I love you."<em>

_"Oh, Marik," Casey said, clutching her chest with watery eyes. "Do you really mean it?"_

_"Yes," Marik said, grabbing her hands. "Yes, I do." He dropped down on one knee. "Casey Mardoll… will you marry me?"_

_"Of course!" Casey said, pulling him to his feet and flinging her arms around his neck. "Of course I will!"_

_"'Kay, great," Marik said abruptly, shoving her off. "By the way, you have a worksheet to finish, a paper to write, three chapters of a book to read, and shit from your roommate to steal. Good luck with that._

_Dream Marik vanished in a puff of purple smoke, leaving Casey grasping at air. "Wha—?"_

Casey jerked awake. She looked around and saw Kokoru and Rena sitting up with identical looks of shock on their faces.

Casey rubbed a hand over her eyes. "Aw, shit."

"Did anyone else just get visited by dream Marik?" Rena hissed.

"Oh god, I forgot all about the homework," Kokoru moaned.

"It must be something freaky rigged by the school," Casey said, grabbing Rena's digital clock. "Forget your homework, and the teachers remind you. So you have no excuse not to get your shit done." She sighed. "It's four o'clock in the morning. Breakfast is at seven."

"That gives us three hours," Rena said.

They all stared morosely at the clock.

"… Can I borrow your Duel Monsters book?" Casey asked finally. "Mine's in my room, probably being drooled on by Aurora."

Rena tossed it to her. "Knock yourself out. I'm starting on the Platonic Love stuff." She shoved her feet into a pair of fuzzy slippers firmly, as if preparing herself for the worst. "Homework, here we come."

"Time to crack the books," Kokoru said. "Well, book. I mean, there's only one between us, so…."

"What happened to _your _textbook?" Casey asked.

"Blue Eyes got it."

"D' you think we can use that as an excuse? Like, Blue Eyes ate my homework?"

"More like Kuriboh," Rena grumbled. "I'm just waiting for one of those things to eat my Abridging stuff. They have no self-control."

"Uh, guys?" Casey said, pointing at the clock.

They sighed and got to work.


	6. Consequences of That Thing Called Fun

Edit: This and the next chapter are being re-posted due to me being an idot and misspelling a character's name. -_- Sorry, bunnyrave1! It's fixed now. :)

**A/N: THANKS, EMILY, FOR GETTING THIS THE FUCK BACK TO ME.**

**Haha. Betas. Anyway, guess what? I did it! On November thirtieth, I reached fifty thousand words! Yay me! Which means that character applications are officially CLOSED. But don't worry—if you have fanbrats left, I'll gladly take them next semester. :D (If you sent in a character before this chapter was posted, then I got him/her/it, and he/she/it will be making an appearance eventually. Remember when I said that I'm really behind in the whole editing thing? Yeah, that… still applies. And it's not even all my beta's fault.)**

**I have so much gratitude for you dudes. It's not even funny. There's no way I could have made it through November without you. (And my bitty laptop, and lots and lots and _lots _of tea, and YouTube, and crappy pop songs… but mostly all of you. ;D) So much love, guys. So. Much. Love. *tosses Kuribohs***

* * *

><p>The sun rose quietly over horizon, just beginning to tint the sky a warm pink. The birds chirped merrily, shaking fresh dew from their wings as bunny rabbits frolicked happily with wayward Kuribohs that had slipped through plot holes to breathe in the fresh, clean air.<p>

And then a freight train rolled by, the birds shrieked and fell out of their trees, the Kuribohs got lost, and an overly-cheerful course-coordinator welcomed the school to another day of hell.

_"Goooooood morning, OYGOFU!"_

Casey groaned, scrubbing tiredly at her eyes as the morning announcements blared over the alarm clock radio. "Is there any way to turn that off?"

"Nope. We tried it yesterday morning—it just screams until you leave the room."

_"It's Eggy here with your daily wake-up call-slash-news report! Today's weather is just like every other day's weather except different! Isn't that wonderful? Now we have Kaiba with sports!"_

_"…."_

_"Come on, Kaiba, say something! Anything! Seriously!"_

_"… Fucking card games. Now get out of my room."_

_"This would be longer, but I am too lazy to write a news report! Sooooo, here's our very own Kuriboh Choir singing annoying Christmas songs until your ears bleed or you come down to breakfast!"_

"Did you guys finish everything?" Casey asked as "Christmas Shoes" blared through the speakers.

"Yeah, for the most part," Kokoru said. "I kind of bullshitted the end of the essay, though."

"Dude, I bullshitted the entire thing. You're fine."

"I wonder if anyone would notice if I went back to sleep and skipped class," Kokoru said, looking longingly at her bed.

"Well, you can try it," Casey said. "They might sic a Jiggly Puff on you, though."

"Isn't that Pokémon?"

Casey shrugged. "Same thing." She stretched and started to gather up her homework. "I'm going to go get dressed. That is, if my roommate will let me into our dorm."

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks," Casey said. "I still need to steal a hairbrush or something from her for the Thief King's class, so I'm kind of counting on her for this one."

Casey made her way down the hallway to her own room. She banged loudly on the door.

"Aurora, get your pasty undead ass out of bed and let me in!"

Aurora opened the door, looking groggy. "Vhat?" She blinked. "Oh, Casey. Vhere vere you last night?"

"_Well, _I went to take a shower in Kokoru and Rena's room, but then Eliza and Sea showed up and asked us to break into the staff section with them, so—"

"Never mind," Aurora said, shaking her head. "I have decided that I don't vant to know." She frowned. "But do tell me vhy you didn't come back to the room vhen you vere finished vith vhatever it vhas you vere doing."

Casey took a minute to digest all of those "V"s. Then she glowered. "Vell—I mean, _well, _I tried to, but you were completely dead to the world—no pun intended—and I couldn't open the door. What's even up with that? I thought that vampires were supposed to come out during the night?"

"Technically, ve are. However, it seems that someone… missed that detail."

"What, so you don't have to sleep during the day?"

"No," Aurora said. "The opposite, actually. I fall asleep as soon as the sun goes down. Nothing can vake me up."

"That's just weird."

"I guess they didn't vant it messing vith their schedule."

The finished getting ready for classes and headed down the hall to breakfast.

"Hey, guys," Sea said when they reached the table. "Saved you a seat."

"Did you finish all of the homework?" Casey asked as soon as she sat down.

"Yeah," Rena said tiredly, grabbing two plates from a floating Kuriboh that was acting as a waiter and handing them to Casey and Aurora. "It took me ages, though."

"Really?" Angel asked from a few seats down. "I mean, it took some time, but I didn't have _that _much trouble finishing it."

"Well, we were… kind of tied up last night."

"Ohhh, do tell!" Gregory said, rising up through the table.

"Gah!" Fleur said, yanking her eggs away from him. "Don't _do _that!"

"Sorry," Gregory said with a grin. He sat down next to Aurora, who promptly turned a bright shade of… well, not so much a _bright _shade of pink, but as close as Aurora was ever going to get to a color that wasn't pasty white. "So, where did you all run off to, then?"

"We—"

Casey started to tell her story, but was stopped by a loud screech.

Most of the students yelped in pain and slapped their hands over their ears.

"Sorry, everyone," Ryou Bakura said into the microphone. He was immediately surrounded by Kuribohs protecting him from swarming fangirls. (Casey thought that she saw Eliza among them.)

When the Kuribohs cleared (either eating the fangirls on the spot or dragging them off to the Shadow Realm), Ryou cleared his throat. "Let's try that again, shall we?"

More fangirls swooned at the Britishness.

"Ah… Oh dear, I never was any good at public speaking."

"Here, let me handle this," Valon said, grabbing the mic. "Thanks. Now, just so you all know, the first meeting of stereotypes anonymous will be this afternoon, so if you feel like showing up, great. Secondly, we received a few reports of students trying to break into the staff section."

Casey shrank down into her seat.

"Just letting you know now that if it happens again, you are _not _going to get off easy just because Zorc would rather watch reality TV than deal with you. That's all."

"Someone snuck into the staff section?" Eliza said innocently. "Gee, I wonder who that was."

Casey kicked her under the table.

"Ow!"

"I wonder if I could go to that meeting," Krystal said thoughtfully.

"Who knows?" Scar said absently, staring at her plate. "Man, I think that Kuriboh pilfered some of my sausage."

Gregory looked at the food longingly. "I miss eating."

"You can't even taste the food?"

Gregory glared. "What is this, Harry Potter?"

"Well I was just _asking, _jeeze."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, up on the main stage, Yami and Bakura were immersed in a heated argument.<p>

"You can't just use the Shadow Realm however you feel like, Bakura!"

"Says who?"

"Says me! The King of Games!"

"What the bloody hell do card games have to do with the Shadow Realm?"

"Listen to yourself, man! Have you even watched our show?"

"Not the parts _you _were in."

"My point still stands, Bakura," Yami said, folding his arms. "You _cannot _use your dark powers to make thunder crack and lightning flash every time someone says your name."

Bakura pouted. "Spoilsport."

"Hey! Yugi!"

"Kaiba, for the last time—I am not Yugi," Yami said tiredly, turning towards him. "What do you want?"

"Do you remember the duel that we had last night?"

"Oh, the one where we took off—"

"Yes, yes, that one."

"What about it?"

"I challenge you to a rematch!"

Yami rolled his eyes. "Kaiba, as much as I would _love _to strip with you—"

Bakura choked on his orange juice. (Spiked with evil! Evil orange juice!) "Wait, what—"

"That's not what I meant," Kaiba said hastily. "I want to challenge you to… something else."

"You mean something that's… not a card game."

"Yes."

Bakura laughed.

"Kaiba, you do know what you're implying, right?" Yami said slowly. "You're not… you haven't been drinking, have you?"

"Dammit, Yug—I mean, Yami, this is serious!" Kaiba slammed his hand down on the table, causing several heads to turn. "I want to beat your ass at something else! Well, I'll still beat your ass at card games, but this time, I want to do something different!"

Yami frowned. "What did you have in mind?"

"I propose we have… a bake-off."

"A bake-off."

"Yes."

Bakura opened his mouth. "That is the _stupidest thing _I have ever—"

"I accept!" Yami said. "Meet me in the kitchens after dinner, Kaiba, and we shall duel! I mean, bake!"

Kaiba spun on his heel. "I will regain my dignity, Yami. Be prepared to lose."

"Yeah, yeah. Shove it, Kaiba."

* * *

><p>"To Canon 101!" Casey said after breakfast, pumping her fist in the air. Then she yawned. "Dammit, I'm exhausted."<p>

"That's what you get for sneaking around the school at night," Destiny said cheerfully, skipping along behind her. "Without even taking me with you, you jerk!"

"Where the hell did you come from?" Casey asked. "I thought the Thief King banished you or something."

"He did! But then he realized that he actually loves me and wants to marry me, so he let me out!"

"… Zorc got sick of you and kicked you out of his living room, didn't he?"

Destiny pouted. "No!"

"Man, is that how annoying we all are to people on the internet?" Casey asked under her breath.

"I'm going to go run of and be perky and sparkle and stuff!"

"Yeah, you do that." And Casey had thought that she herself was cheerful.

"Bye, Casey-chan! Have a kawaii day!"

"… Oh god."

* * *

><p>"Today," Yugi said in Canon 101, "we're going to begin covering the plot of season one."<p>

"But first," Yami added, "can I just mention how terrible your test scores were? Seriously, I'm not even sure how you came up with half of the answers you did. The number of you that didn't know the name of _Yu-Gi-Oh!_'s creator was astounding. And most of you got the title wrong. I don't know how that even happens, since it was _right on the page, _but—"

"Thank you, Yami," Yugi said. "I think they get it."

"Just making sure."

"Moving on," Yugi said. "Season one. And before anyone asks, we're not covering season zero."

"Why not?"

"No idea," Yugi said. "When I asked, Eggy said something about green hair, rules, and the screwing thereof. So, no season zero."

"… All right, then," Yami said. "Those of you who wish to know more about season zero will have to visit Ye Olde Internet when you get back to civilization."

"We can tell you that it was never dubbed in English," Yugi said. "The show itself was the original _Yu-Gi-Oh!, _but 4Kids never dubbed it because they thought that it was too violent. The show that most people are familiar with was originally called _Yu-Gi-Oh!: Duel Monsters—_4Kids shortened it to _Yu-Gi-Oh! _for the English dub. Season zero doesn't do much for the plot anyway; it was kind of like a test run, almost, and it basically goes a little more into Shadow games and how I got the puzzle. Any questions?"

"You just told us all about season zero," someone pointed out.

"Moving right along!" Yugi said.

"Season one—also known as the Duelist Kingdom arc," Yami said.

Yugi grabbed a piece of chalk and started writing on the board. "Protagonists," he said as he wrote. "There's me, Yugi Mouto, and Yami, first of all. Then our friends: Joey Wheeler, Téa Gardner, and Tristan Taylor are the three who stuck by us the entire time, but Ryou Bakura was there, too, as well as Mai Valentine later on. My grandpa was there, too—actually, he was kind of a plot point."

"What about Kaiba?" Sea asked. "Where does he fit in?"

"Well, I consider Kaiba a friend," Yugi said, smiling. "Buuut, for the purpose of season one, he was more of an anti-hero."

"He was kind of a jerk," Yami said, "but he wasn't exactly _evil._"

"Which brings us to our next point," Yugi said. "Antagonists."

"Mostly it was Pegasus," Yami said, "but Yami Bakura also shows up and pretty much acts as a background antagonist for the rest of the series, up until season five. Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood served as minor antagonists for a little while, too. Granted, we beat them rather easily, but they still helped for character development."

"I love Rex," Fleur sighed. "And Weevil, but not as much as Rex."

"Ew," Chrys said.

"Don't dis my boys!"

"Hey, up here," Yugi said, waving. "Yeah, still teaching."

The class shut up.

"Thanks," Yugi said. "Anyway, those are some—but not all—of the characters that do something important in season one."

"There are about a million characters total in _Yu-Gi-Oh!" _Yami said, "and that's not even counting the Duel Monsters. However, we're only going to make you memorize the ones that have recurring parts. You're welcome."

"Now we're going to watch the first episode of the season," Yugi said. "Pay attention, because you will have a quiz. Anyone who gets less than seventy percent will have to help Pegasus clean out his art closet."

With that incentive, the students prepared themselves for some serious note-taking.

* * *

><p><em>Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series<em> 101 ended up being kind of a disaster.

Apparently, sticking two villains in the same room and telling them to teach a bunch of fangirls about a series that they were all obsessed with didn't work as well as someone thought it might have.

For one thing, they tended to get horribly distracted.

"And another thing! Your evil plans suck! You took four whole seasons to carry out one plan—and then you failed! Horribly!"

"Oh, like you had any bloody idea what you doing all through season two. And then you got kicked out of your role as the supposed 'evil villain' by your own subconscious. Yep, you're quite the mastermind."

"Sixteen-year-old versus five-thousand-year-old tomb robber—who the hell do you think has the upper hand, here? And I _still _lasted longer than you did!"

"Yes, because you _gave up." _

Casey sighed and dropped her chin onto her hand. "Mm. Thiefshipping."

"Shut the hell up, fanbrat," Marik said, absently, still glaring at Bakura.

Casey grinned and whispered to Ebony, "But they didn't deny it!"

Ebony didn't answer because, predictably, she had her cell phone out.

"Dude, you're not going to get any service," Casey said.

"I can always try, dammit!"

* * *

><p>The rest of the day actually progressed relatively smoothly. In fact, only three people Casey knew got nommed by Kuribohs, and the amount of homework she got was relative to the size of a truckload rather than a school-bus-full-of-screaming-little-kids-load, so that was uplifting.<p>

The only real problem came during Writing for Fanbrats.

It wasn't _really _her fault, Casey told herself. After all, she had been up all night doing homework, and she was pretty freaking exhausted.

Never mind the fact that she was up because she was busy breaking school rules.

"Miss Mardoll," Alister snapped, "if you're going to use my class to sleep, maybe you can use a detention to do the work that the rest of your classmates are busy doing right now?"

Casey jerked her head off of her desk. "Wha—? Oh, sorry, I must have dozed off."

Alister rolled his eyes. "Yeah, obviously. Detention, after dinner."

"Jesus, Alister, do you ever take that stick out of your ass?" Valon said, playing with a wombat.

"Where the hell did you even get that?"

"eBay."

"You did not get a wombat off eBay."

"Well, how do _you _know?"

Casey sank down into her seat, biting her lip. She had never had a detention before in her life! Well, okay, there was that one time, but the teacher in charge had spent the whole time playing video games under his desk, so it wasn't like she really had anything to worry about, and Casey was too young to die anyway, did they know what they did to girls like her in prison, they—

"Hey, are you okay?" Kokoru whispered. "You look like you just saw Grandpa Mouto fresh out of the shower."

"I got a detention," Casey whispered frantically. "What am I supposed to do?"

Kokoru rolled her eyes. "Relax, girl. It's not that bad."

"Really?"

"Naw. You just spend some time with the course coordinator, is all."

Casey's head thumped back onto her desk. "I'm doomed."

"We can make that another detention tomorrow, if you'd like, Miss Mardoll."

"Dude. Alister."

"Watch it, Valon. There's a drop bear over your head."

"What? Where?"

"Kidding."

"… You bitch."

* * *

><p>Casey looked nervously at the clock all throughout dinner. She couldn't even concentrate on her bellow mashed potatoes, which the rest of the table was getting quite a kick out of.<p>

"Dude, look at this!" Sea laughed. "I can make a space ship out of my potatoes!"

"That's nothing," Scar said. "I can make Zorc."

"Seriously? Lemme see!"

"Hey," Eliza said, poking Casey in the side. "Why so glum? Are your potatoes not radioactive enough?"

"I got a detention," Casey said, picking at her peas. "I'm afraid it's going to be terrible, since this school is so… well…."

"Evil?" Eliza supplied.

"Yeah, that."

_"Well, look on the bright side," _Angel wrote in her potatoes. _"At least you get to spend more time with one of the teachers."_

"Kokoru said that the course coordinator was in charge," Casey said.

They all looked over to where Eggy was carefully sculpting her potatoes into a life-sized replica of Yami Marik.

"Yeah, you're kind of screwed," Eliza said, thumping her on the back. "Good luck."

"You inspire so much confidence in me."

"I try."

* * *

><p>Kaiba looked at his watch and tapped his foot impatiently. Yami was two whole minutes late—and as an OCD patient, Kaiba found this completely unacceptable.<p>

"Sorry I'm late," Yami said, shoving the kitchen door open. "I had to go across town."

"Why?"

"I had to save the world," Yami said, waving a hand. "No biggie."

"Whatever," Kaiba snapped. "Grab an oven and let's go."

"You're on, Kaiba."

As Yami pulled on an apron, Kaiba let a smirk slide onto his face. What Yami didn't know was that Mokuba Kaiba happened to have a sweet tooth that had taken over his entire mouth and enslaved his molars in a perpetual pastry-eating cycle.

Meaning, Kaiba knew how to bake a mean strawberry cheesecake.

Yami may have been the King of Games, but Seto freaking Kaiba was the King of Everything Else. And that included baked goods.

"We'll set the timer now," Yami said. "May the best pastry chef win."

Kaiba tied his apron firmly. "Oh, I'm sure he will."

* * *

><p>Eliza slapped Casey on the back. "Dinner's over, girl. To detention you go."<p>

Casey groaned. "Can I just… not?"

"_It'll probably be worse if you don't go," _Angel wrote.

"True," Casey said with a sigh. "Okay, here I go."

"If you don't come back, can I have your shit?"

"Wait a minute," Casey said, staring at the slip of paper containing the details of her detention. "This says I'm supposed report to… the _kitchen? _At _midnight?_"

Angel pulled the paper out of her hands, read it, and drew a question mark.

Eliza peered over her shoulder. "Huh. That's weird. Maybe they got the time wrong?"

"I don't know," Casey said doubtfully. "For some reason, I don't think so. Our course coordinator is kind of…"

"Strange? Weird? Insane?"

"Pretty much."

"Well, I guess there's not much you can do, then," Eliza said. "Until then, we're going to go play Kuriboh ball until lights-out. Wanna come?"

"What's Kuriboh ball?" Casey asked, following her out of the cafeteria.

"It's baseball… but with Kuribohs."

"Ohhh."

"Genius, right?"

* * *

><p>Yami stared at the mixing bowl with a rather panicked expression on his face.<p>

He had absolutely no idea how to bake.

Like. At all.

He glanced over at Kaiba, who was already hard at work.

This was going to go over _so _well. Kaiba was never going to let him live this one down.

Yami reached under the counter and pulled out a cook book. He opened it hesitantly.

Well, you were never too old to learn—five-thousand-year-old spirit or not.

* * *

><p>"Hit it here, Casey! Come on, smack that Kuriboh! Be a man!"<p>

"But… I'm a girl," Casey said, looking nervously at the Kuriboh floating impatiently in front of her.

"Whatever, just hit the damn thing!" Jonathan yelled.

Casey took a deep breath, whispered, "Sorry!" to the Kuriboh, and swung the bat with all her.

_WHOOSH_

"Holy hell, she actually hit it," Jonathan said, watching the Kuriboh sail over his head.

Casey took off around the bases. Gregory caught the Kuriboh in his hands, then swore when it went straight through them.

Eliza picked it up and lobbed it at Rena. "Catch!"

But Casey was already rounding second base. She reached third, gasping for breath, as the rest of her team cheered.

"Way to go, gal," Krystal said, slapping her a high-five.

Casey grinned. "Thanks."

"Okay, someone grab a new Kuriboh," Jonathan said. "This one looks a little worse for wear."

The Kuriboh glared at him as if to say, "No shit."

A girl named Luca stepped up to bat. "I don't think I can do this," she said nervously.

"Oh, come on!" her roommate, Leran, yelled from the benches.

"But, but, I'm scared of it!"

"You're scared of everything! Just hit the darn Kuriboh!"

Luca hit the darn Kuriboh.

Casey grinned and took off running again. This was a lot more fun than PE ever was.

"Look out! Low-flying Kuriboh!"

Casey looked up just in time to see a Kuriboh sailing right toward her face.

"Oh, damn," she said.

Then the Kuriboh hit her, and she passed out.

* * *

><p>"Time's up, Yami," Kaiba said. "It's time to see who will claim the title of King of Baking!"<p>

Yami looked nervously at his cake. "All right, fine. Who's judging?"

"Free food, bitches!" Eggy said, walking into the kitchen. "I gotta be here anyway, so I might as well have some fun."

She grabbed a fork and stabbed Yami's cake. "Hmm… not too dry… good chocolaty flavor… I like it!"

Yami smiled thinly and kicked the empty cake mix box further under the counter.

Eggy headed over to where Kaiba was standing. "Okay, Kaiba, what have you—ahh! Cheesecake! It's a cheesecake!"

"Yeah, and?"

Eggy shook her head and backed away. "Bad incident with cheesecakes. I can't be near them. Yami, you win by default because I am not touching that thing with a ten foot pole 'kay thanks bye!" She bolted and hid under the table.

"Ha!" Yami said. "Yes! Bow before me!" Then he coughed. "Um. I mean. Good show."

Kaiba smacked himself on the forehead.

* * *

><p>Casey woke up to see a short girl with brown hair hovering three inches away from her face and peering anxiously at her.<p>

"Gah!" Casey shouted, jerking back onto a pile of pillows.

The girl backed up with a cheer. "Yes! I did it! Master Mahad, the fangirl is awake!"

"That's nice, Mana," someone called from the back room. "Give her a potion and send her on her way."

"Er, I'll skip the potion, thanks," Casey said to Mana.

Mana shrugged. "Suit yourself. So, how do you feel?"

"… Like I got hit in the face with a Kuriboh."

"Ha," Mana said. "Fancy that."

"So… where am I?"

"You're in the infirmary," Mana said. "I'm the nurse—well, okay, the _assistant _nurse. But I do more than Mahad does anyway!" She hefted her spellbook onto the bedside table and started flipping through it. "Hm, let's see. I think… yep, this one will do nicely."

"What will do?" Casey asked, straining to look at the spell book.

Mana waved a finger. "Ah-ah, no peeking!" She closed her eyes, pointed a finger at Casey, and said, "Abracadabra!"

She paused for a minute, then cracked one eye open. "… Are you still there?"

"What?" Casey said. "Yeah?"

"Darn," Mana sighed. "I knew that one was a phony. Anyway, here's a pass to go through the halls—it's after lights out, so you'll need one if you don't want to get picked up by Mokuba or a Watapom."

"It's after lights out?" Casey cried. "Crap, what time is it?"

"Uh… eleven forty-five," Mana said. "You were out for—"

"I have to go!" Casey said, flinging the sheets off. "I have a detention in— actually, on second thought, can I just stay here?"

Mana snapped her fingers, and Casey disappeared.

"Ha! I knew I'd get it someday!"


	7. In Which Plot Happens Sort of

**A/N: Updates, updates, so many updates are needed. D: I'm terribly sorry about the lateness of this. And just so we're clear, all this shit's still going on in like, November still. *dies* This has been sitting around on my laptop for-freaking-ever. God, I'm so behind.**

**Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all of your love. *hearts***

**Disclaimer: See previous.**

* * *

><p>Casey stumbled as she landed on solid ground. She took half a step, tripped, and face-planted on the tiles.<p>

"Ow," she muttered, getting up on her knees and looking around. Seeing as the room was full of ovens, refrigerators, sinks, and a couple of Baby Dragons munching on leftovers, she assumed that she was in the kitchen.

"That looked like it hurt," someone said.

Casey scrambled to her feet, whipping her head around to see who was there. She spotted the course coordinator sitting on a counter, kicking her feet. She had her hair tied back, and it looked like someone had taken a paintbrush to her pair of frayed jeans.

(Seeing as the jeans were covered in smiley faces, and that they were all upside down, it had probably been the course coordinator.)

"I almost forgot I was supposed to meet you down here," Eggy said with a grin. "Then I got hungry and went to get a snack, and then I was all like, 'Oh, hey, I gotta go see a student!'" She raised the mug she had in her hands. "Plus I needed more tea."

Casey clutched her bellow detention slip nervously and bit her lip. "Uh…."

"Relax, I'm not gonna eat you or anything," Eggy said. She hopped off the counter and pointed to the table. "Sit."

Casey sat.

"Eggs?" Eggy asked, offering a plate.

Casey took the eggs hesitantly. "Why… um, why do we have eggs for every meal?"

Eggy took a brief break from buttering her toast. "Do you really need to ask that?"

"Sorry," Casey said, poking at the eggs. She took a bite. They weren't actually that bad.

Well, except for the fact that they were bellow.

Yeah, that was weird.

"Cool, right?" Eggy said, sitting down and dumping all her eggs in between two slices of toast and layering on ham and cheese. The ham was also bellow. Casey tried to avoid looking at it.

"See, I was like, 'Hey, green eggs and ham, right? Well, why not _bellow _eggs and ham?' And so I tried it, and it worked. Which is cool, because the last time I made any kind of food that wasn't the color it was supposed to be—intentionally, anyway—it was blue ramen noodles and I made them with lemonade. Only you couldn't really see the lemonade 'cause it was clear, so I added blue food dye." Eggy stopped so that she could take a large bite of her sandwich.

Casey blinked, startled by the sudden silence. "So… uh…."

Eggy waved a hand. "Gimme a minute. I have to do the important shit first. Why're you in detention?"

"I fell asleep in class," Casey said.

"Whose?"

"Alister's."

"Ha. He's a bitch," Eggy said. "I like him, though."

She pushed her plate aside and folded her arms. "'Kay, done grilling you."

"That was fast," Casey said, starting to rise from her seat. "So, can I—?"

"Ah, ah!" Eggy said, waving a finger. "Sit down, I'm not done with you."

_Dammit, _Casey thought. "What else do I have to do?"

"Well," Eggy said, looking at the clock, "it's about twelve-ten right now. I have to keep you for an hour, which means that we can sit here awkwardly or we can sit here awkwardly _and _have a conversation. Take your pick."

"Um. Conversation?"

"Good choice," Eggy said. She drummed her fingers on the table. "Okay, tell you what. I'll tell you something about me, you tell me something about you, and we'll see where that takes us."

"All right," Casey said. "Uh… I like to write?"

"Yeah, I'm assuming, since you're here," Eggy said. "'S cool, though. I like writing. What else d'you got?"

"Uh… "

"You know what, let's make this easier," Eggy said. "I'll start." She tapped her chin. "Hm. I like to paint. I have two cats. I play the piano and the trombone, I suck at math, aaaaand… I think _Yu-Gi-Oh! _is the dorkiest show ever, which is why I love it."

"You think it's dorky?" Casey said, feeling slightly offended on behalf of her favorite show.

"Well, sure," Eggy said. "I mean, come on. It's totally unrealistic, the plot is sketchy, and 4Kids made the whole thing worse." She grinned. "But that doesn't mean I don't love it. I love it _because _it's dorky. And hey, some of the characters can get pretty deep. It's all perspective, yanno?"

"I guess," Casey said.

"Hey, fun fact," Eggy said. "When I first watched it, I was like, ten. Then I found _Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series _and started watching that. It made me want to watch the original series again, except I just wanted to see my favorite characters, so I kind of skipped most of the card games and pretty much all of season four."

Casey nodded. She could relate to that. "I still haven't watched season four. It's the one no one likes."

Eggy looked at her reproachfully. "You should watch it. It's actually quite good. I ended up watching all of it in the end—and you know what? Some of the card games are even kind of riveting."

"Yeah, but… they're so long," Casey said.

"Eh, yeah, but once you actually pay attention to them, you'll be surprised at how much you start to care."

"Well," Casey started to say, but she was cut off by a giant yawn.

Eggy grinned. "Sorry 'bout the time, but it kind of fits. You know—scrambled eggs… at midnight?"

Casey looked at her blankly.

Eggy rolled her eyes. "It's my pen name."

"Ohhh," Casey said. "Where did that come from?"

"A book I read in middle school," Eggy said. "It kind of stuck. It was a pretty good read. Unremarkable, but the romance was actually really good, for being about a couple of teenagers."

"What's your real name?" Casey asked.

"Can't tell you that," Eggy said.

"But why not?"

A Kuriboh floated by, and Eggy stacked their plates on its head. It warbled at her, and she rubbed its side. "Thanks, bro."

The Kuriboh responded by tipping backwards and letting the plates fall into its open mouth.

"So cute," Eggy cooed.

The rest of the detention passed pretty unremarkably, given the circumstances. Eggy kept getting up to refill on tea, but for the most part, the conversation was pleasant.

At one point, Casey felt the need to ask, "Why are you doing this?"

"What, the tea thing? Because honestly, I can't really—"

"No, I mean… OYGOFU," Casey said awkwardly. "Why?"

"Something to do," Eggy said, shrugging. "Plus it was… kind of a challenge. And I like fixing things, especially writing shit." She grinned. "I don't look it, but I'm totally a nerd."

"You _kind _of look like a nerd," Casey pointed out.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Eggy said, looking at her jeans. "What can I say? I watch _Yu-Gi-Oh! _for Chrissakes."

"Then… I guess that makes me kind of a nerd, too." Casey had never classified herself as a nerd before. It felt kind of strange.

"Dude, you're at a _fanfiction _university. If that's not nerdy, I dunno what is."

Eggy looked at the clock again. "Hey, whaddaya know—it's twelve-fifty-nine!" She winked. "I like you, so I'm gonna let you out early."

"Gee, thanks," Casey said. She started to leave, then said, "Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Can you… maybe do something about the Kuriboh problem?"

Eggy looked at her in surprise. "What problem?" A Kuriboh came and settled itself on her head. "I mean, they're kind of our mascot."

_That explains it, _Casey thought. "Well… they are kind of eating students."

'"_Learning through pain'_ is the motto of all OFUs, and I'm not about to break the tradition," Eggy said.

Learning through pain?

Casey really wasn't surprised.

"Oh, one more thing," Eggy said.

"Yeah?"

"What's your name, anyway?"

Casey had the sudden urge to facepalm.

* * *

><p>"How did it go?" Aurora asked as Casey shut the door behind her and went to flop on her bed.<p>

"It was weird," Casey said. "The course coordinator is a loony."

"Like Yami Marik loony?"

"No," Casey said into her pillow. "Just kind of… spacey."

"Vhat happened after the game?" Aurora asked. "You vere out for a vhile."

"The nurse is Mana," Casey said. "I don't think she has any idea what she's doing."

"Remind me not to get sick, then," Aurora said.

"Did you just use sarcasm?"

Aurora looked suspicious. "It vas more like verbal irony."

"Oh, Aurora. I'm so proud of you," Casey sniffed.

"That's nice, I guess. Come help me with this Canon homework."

"Dammit!" Casey said. "I forgot all about the homework!" She looked at the clock. "One-fifteen. Urgh. I wonder what they do to you if you don't finish all your work."

"Probably have you fight to the death with a Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon," Aurora said.

"… Maybe I can do half of it and they'll give me just _one _Blue Eyes."

"One Blue Eyes is still enough to tear out your spleen," Aurora said. "Or obliterate you in one blast."

Casey glared at her and pulled out her homework. "Fine, be a pessimist."

"I am a creature of the night," Aurora said dramatically. "I live in a state of constant depression."

"What's up with that, anyway?" Casey asked. "I thought you fell asleep as soon as the sun went down."

Aurora pointed to the pile of Styrofoam cups sitting at the foot of her bed. "Coffee."

"Coffee overrules your biology?"

"Apparently so."

"Nifty."

* * *

><p>Three hours later, Casey was asleep, dreaming peacefully of a Kuriboh-free world, when a sudden shrieking alarm jerked her awake.<p>

"Wuzzat?" she said groggily, bolting upright. She immediately covered her ears. "Ow, Jesus, what is that noise?"

"I don't know," Aurora said through the darkness. "Is there a fire?"

_"All students and staff please report to the auditorium," _Roland's voice said over the loudspeaker. "_Repeat, all students and staff, please report to the auditorium." _

Casey and Aurora stumbled out of their beds and out the door, trying not to bump into sleepy students who were just shuffling out, or any of those who were already rubbing their eyes and starting to talk anxiously.

"What's going on?" Leran said, catching up to them. She was dragging Luca behind her, who had her hands clamped over her ears and looked like she was about to start hyperventilating.

"We have no idea," Casey said, looking at Luca. "What's wrong with her?"

"Fear of loud noises," Leran said, shaking her head. "Come on, Luca, you're fine."

"Butbutbutbut—"

"Seriously. Chill."

They reached the auditorium and grabbed a couple of seats close to the main stage.

Eggy was standing on the stage in a pair of blue pajama pants and smiley-print fuzzy socks that did not match her grim face at all. She was having a whispered conference with Yami and Yugi, while Kaiba stood by and pretended that he wasn't listening.

"Hey, guys," Scar said, slipping into a chair. Angel followed closely, clutching her notebook tightly.

"Hi," Casey said, still watching the stage. "Do you have any idea what they're talking about?"

"Nope," Scar said. "But my guess is ninjas."

"… Ninjas?"

"Sure," Scar said. "It's always ninjas when stuff like this happens."

"Just what kind of book were you reading before you went to bed, Scar?"

"Actually, I was busy staring at a wall," Scar said. "Again with the mirrors."

Casey winced sympathetically.

"_I wonder if we'll ever get the chance to sleep through an entire night again," _Angel wrote.

"Good point," Casey said. "How do they expect us to keep up with all their work if stuff like this keeps happening?"

"I don't know," Leran said, "but I think we're about to find out the issue." She pointed to the stage, where Eggy was messing with the microphone. "Look."

"'Scuse me," Eggy said. "Can I have your attention, please?"

The auditorium got significantly quieter.

"Right. Students. Teachers." She looked around the room. "Something really bad has happened."

Eggy took a deep breath. "There's been a murder at OYGOFU."

Everyone started talking at once.

"Oh my god," Casey breathed. "Jesus, who was it?"

Eggy raised her hands. "Calm down—just… everyone, calm down, okay? The victim was a student named Kokoru Vincent."

Casey slapped her hand over her mouth.

"However," Eggy continued, "she's going to be just fine."

"Fine?" Rena shouted hysterically from a few rows down. "Fine? She's _dead!"_

"Thanks to advanced Kaiba Corp. technology," Eggy said, glancing at Kaiba, "we'll be able to revive her in a relatively quick manner. Until then, everyone needs to be on lookout. We have no idea whodunit, and the sooner we find out, the sooner we can convict whoever is responsible."

Rena sat down, breathing hard.

"Now," Eggy said, "here's what's going to happen. I need staff members patrolling the students' quarters at all times during the night. You can take shifts. Students, you can't leave the dorms after-hours. I know you couldn't do this before anyway, but now we're really enforcing it. This isn't a matter of Kuriboh attacks," she said, looking serious. "This is a matter of life or death."

The students took a minute to mull that over. Then Jonathan shouted, "How do we know you're not making this up?"

Some of the students started to mutter, but Eggy raised her hand again. "Girl Scout's honor?" she tried. "Look, that's kind of a stupid question. Anything and everything can happen at this university, and this is real. And we're playing better-safe-than-sorry here, so get back to bed, _stay_ in bed, and keep your eyes open until we find the culprit. Good? Good. Dismissed."

As Eggy left the microphone, the students rose from their seats, talking anxiously and stealing glances at the staff members, who were standing together and seemed to be formulating a plan of action.

At least, that's what Casey hoped they were doing.

"You heard the course coordinator," Roland said into the mic. "Go back to bed."

Everyone filed out, and Casey ended up walking next to Eliza.

"What do you think?" she asked. "Do you think maybe it was one of the teachers? Like one of the villains or something?"

"Who knows?" Eliza said. "I wouldn't put it past some of them.

"And we have to go to class with them tomorrow," Casey realized with dawning horror.

"Well," Eliza said. "This blows like a cheap whore on a Friday night."

"… That's comforting."

"Tell me about it."

* * *

><p>Breakfast the next morning was subdued, with everyone discussing the situation in secretive whispers. People kept stealing glances at Rena, who was staring at her oatmeal with an almost shocked look on her face.<p>

"D'you think she'll be okay?" Casey whispered to Stephanie. "I mean, she is Kokoru's roommate."

"I thought they hated each other, though," Ebony said.

"Well, technically," Casey said, "but you can only hang around with someone for so long before you start to get along—or at least get used to the constant fighting." She paused. "Like puppyshipping."

"Oh," Ebony said. "Huh."

"Don't worry, I'm sure she'll be okay. Remember, Eggy said that they were going to revive Kokoru," Stephanie said. Being one of the oldest students at the university, she often tried to be the logical one. Being surrounded by fourteen-year-olds kind of left her no choice.

"I hope so," Ebony said, shivering a bit. "I would hate to think of what would happen if they couldn't bring her back."

"They've brought students back before," Casey pointed out. "Remember the Blue Eyes? It eats people all the time."

"I think this might be different," Stephanie said. "The Blue Eyes is kind of part of the school, or at least the _Yu-Gi-Oh! _universe. Whatever got Kokoru might not be, so the rules might be a little different."

"Gosh, I hope not," Casey said. "Then we'd all be screwed."

"How come?"

"Think about it—what if one of us is next? I didn't exactly sign up to die here."

"Neither did Kokoru," Stephanie said grimly.

They lapsed into silence, poking awkwardly at their breakfast.

Finally, Casey dropped her fork in frustration. "God, I wish it had been a ninja."

"Huh?"

Casey shook her head. "It would have been cool if it were a ninja. This is just damn depressing."

"Everything is better with ninjas," Ebony admitted.

"Maybe it was a ninja," Casey said. "He could have gotten into the school without anyone knowing because he has ninja powers."

"This conversation is getting kind of stupid," Stephanie said. "Let's talk about something else, okay?"

"Like puppies," Casey said.

"What?"

"It's a general rule," Casey said. "When things are getting awkward and you need a subject change? Puppies!"

"Puppyshipping?" Ebony said.

"Sure, we can go with that."

Stephanie looked over at the staff table. "I wonder what the teachers are even planning on doing. Are they just going to teach regular classes like everything is okay?"

"What else can they do?" Casey said. "I mean, the worst think we can do is, like, panic or something, right?"

"I guess," Stephanie said. "It just seems wrong, I guess. I mean… a student _died._ Doesn't that _bother _anyone?"

"Well, give them some credit," Ebony said. "Half of these guys save the world on a regular basis—they're probably used to it."

"Still," Stephanie said. "I feel like someone else should be doing something a little more… productive."

Casey looked at the two of them and leaned in closer, dropping her voice. "Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?"

"That these pancakes need more syrup?" Ebony said. "Because if so, then yes. Yes I am."

"I think we should do a little investigating of our own."

"… Well, okay. But can it wait until after breakfast?"

"… Sure."

"Thanks."

"We'll do it during lunch time. That way, we can't really get caught for doing anything _wrong, _since we won't be skipping class or anything."

"But can't we get in trouble for snooping?" Stephanie asked.

Casey grinned. "That's why we won't get caught."

"Gee, never heard _that _one before."

"Shut up and eat your pancakes."

* * *

><p>"So," Seto Kaiba said, walking into the infirmary. "What am I wasting my technology on today?"<p>

"Save it, Kaiba," Yami said. "A student was murdered last night—"

"Yeah, yeah, and you're playing hero, and I'm expected to help. As per usual."

"Kaiba," Yami said. "You can't honestly—"

"Can and will," Kaiba said. "Don't think that I'm automatically going to start caring just because I've been forced into working with you."

"Guys," Yugi said. "Come on. Don't do this right now. Settle your differences when we're not dealing with life or death situations, okay?"

"Sorry, Yugi."

"As much as I don't care," Kaiba said, "fine."

He walked over to where Kokoru's body was lying on a hospital bed. "When was she found?"

"Last night," Yugi said sadly. "In the library."

"What the hell was she doing there?"

"Looking up black magic," Yami said, rolling his eyes. "They will stop at nothing to impress their lust-objects."

"Can you save her, Kaiba?"

"Possibly," Kaiba said, "but it'll take a lot of work that you had better be damn grateful I'm doing." He pressed a button on the side of his collar. "Mokuba, get me my equipment. And then I want you to write me up a report on the girl's death. For the records."

"What are you having him do that for?" Yami said. "We already have it recorded."

"You think I want him sticking around here to watch his older brother resurrect a dead body? I don't."

"Wow, he really does care."

"Shut up."

* * *

><p>"Okay," Casey said, standing in the hallway just outside of the cafeteria. "Everybody know what you're doing?"<p>

Ebony, Stephanie, and Rena, who they had convinced to come with them, nodded.

"Great. Operation _Whodunit_? is a—"

"What'cha doing?"

Casey jumped and spun around. "Jesus H. Christ!" she shrieked, clutching her chest. "Dammit, Destiny, you almost gave me a freaking heart attack!"

Ebony groaned at the sight of her roommate. "Destiny, go… bother a Kuriboh or something. We're busy."

"Are you guys going exploring?" Destiny said. "Ooo, sounds like fun!"

"For your information," Rena said, crossing her arms over her fuzzy sweater, "we're going to find out who attacked Kokoru."

Ebony stomped down on Rena's foot. "Shut up!"

"Ow! Sorry, jeez!"

Destiny clapped her perfectly manicured hands. "Ooo," she said again. "A mystery! Like Clue, only with less fat old guys!"

"No, it's really not," Casey muttered.

Destiny blinked her big, crystal blue eyes and tossed her shiny blond hair. "Well, I just so happen to have connections with the staff."

"You do not," Stephanie said, rolling her eyes.

Destiny pouted her perfect lips. "Yes, I do! The Thief King is my husband."

"_No, _he is _not—"_

"And I can do anything I want, so there!"

"God," Casey said, gaping. "You're such a Mary-Sue."

Destiny twirled a highlighted strand of hair. (All natural, of course.) "What's that? Is it pretty?"

"Oooh yeah," Casey said, rolling her eyes. "Definitely."

"Well, good!" Destiny said, flouncing. "So, do you want my help?"

"Uh…"

"Er…"

"See, the thing is…"

"Look!" Ebony said, pointing randomly. "Something shiny!"

"Ooo, where?"

Ebony, Rena, Stephanie, and Casey took off running in the opposite direction.

* * *

><p>Yugi Motou sighed to himself and left the infirmary, leaving Kaiba to do his work. He had kind of hoped that he wouldn't actually be caught up in anything that required him to help save someone while he was here.<p>

So much for that.

At least there were no card games involved.

Yet.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't even notice the three students rounding the corner at breakneck speed.

At least, he didn't notice until they all barreled into him.

"Ouch," he said, sitting up and rubbing his head. "That's going to leave a mark."

"OhmygoshI'msosorry!" one of the girls said, yanking him to his feet. "We didn't see you!" She flapped her hands anxiously. "Oh my gosh, are you hurt? Did we break anything? Oh my gosh, did we just kill the King of Games?"

"Jesus, Rena, calm down," one of the other girls said. "He's obviously fine."

"Ahahah, yeah," Yugi said. "Yep, I'm okay. Really."

He frowned at them. "Wait, shouldn't you four be at lunch? What are you doing all the way over here?"

"Er…"

"She has a headache," one of them said, pointing to the girl in the furry sweater who had been freaking out a moment before. "We're taking her to the infirmary."

"Sorry," Yugi said apologetically, "but the infirmary's closed. Unless it's a real emergency, I'm afraid you're just going to have to—"

"Okay, she doesn't actually have a headache," one of the girls blurted out. "But, see, my roommate, she... I mean we…." She stopped. "We just want to see her, is all."

"And avenge her death," one of the girls piped up.

"Not helping, Ebony."

Yugi looked at them thoughtfully for a minute. "Well, I think that's very noble of you," he said.

"Just hear us out! We—wait, what?"

"I do," Yugi continued. "Wanting to help a friend? Trust me, I understand all about that."

"Then can we go?" Fuzzy-Sweater-Girl demanded.

"I'm sorry, girls," Yugi said. "But Kaiba's doing all that he can right now to bring your friend back. And I know that I'm not exactly the best person to tell you this," he said with a chuckle, "but I think that you guys should leave this one to the professionals. It's… a little over your heads."

The girls looked at each other. "Then…" one of them said, "when will we be allowed to see her?"

"I'm not sure," Yugi said. "I'll talk to Kaiba. In the meantime, I think you guys should go to lunch." He waved down the hall. "Come on, I'll go with you."

Stephanie, Casey, Rena, and Ebony fell behind him, feeling slightly disappointed. "Well, that failed," Casey muttered.

"Maybe we can try again tonight," Stephanie whispered, looking at Yugi.

"I don't think so, guys," Rena said softly. "Maybe he's right. Maybe we should leave this one to the guys that actually know what they're doing."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"I don't know," Rena said, "but our friendship will—"

"Here she goes," Ebony said, rolling her eyes.

"Down, girl," Casey said. "C'mon, let's put the soap-box away now."

"Meanies."

"Don't even go there, Ren."

* * *

><p>In Introduction to Platonic Love, Atem was having a rather difficult time.<p>

Why did they ask him to sub, of all people? He didn't know a thing about this stuff. He was a pharaoh, not a teacher, dammit.

"Um," he said. "Er…"

The students stared at him blankly. Except for the ones that were too busy drooling.

Yeah, he probably should have worn a shirt today.

"I'm Atem," he began. "Yami and Yugi are… a bit tied up at the moment, so—"

"How do you get your abs to do that?" one of the students interrupted.

"I'm sorry?"

The student grinned. "With all due respect, your highness? Yum."

"… We're just going to watch a video, okay?" Atem said. If he could figure out how to work the confounded television set, that was.

Seriously. Technology.

What the hell was up with that?

"You're supposed to put it _in _the DVD player. Not on top of it."

"… Do your homework, fanbrat."

* * *

><p>"Okay," Kaiba said. "That's all I can do." He stepped back. "Face it, Motou: Kaiba Corp. technology was not designed with…" He gestured to the student. "With this in mind."<p>

Yami sighed. "Are you sure there's not something else you can do?"

"Positive," Kaiba said, beginning to pack his equipment. "I'm done."

"What are we supposed to tell the students?" Yugi asked.

"Dammit, Yugi, how about that I can't, oh, I don't know, _reanimate the dead_?"

"Did someone say reanimate the dead?" Yami Bakura asked, poking his head through the door.

Yugi looked thoughtful.

Yami noticed and shook his head. "No, Yugi."

"Well, why not?"

"Maybe because he's _evil incarnate?" _

"Oh," Yami Bakura said. "I'm flattered, really."

"How do I put this gently?" Yami said. "How about, 'Piss off, Bakura?'"

"Please, Yami," Yugi said.

"Well—"

"I'll do it," Bakura said. "For a price."

"What do you want?" Yami said. "My Puzzle? My soul?"

"Fifty bucks," Bakura said. "And whatever's in the kid's wallet."

"… Deal."

"Yami!"

"What? You wanted his help, not me."

Bakura rolled up his sleeves. "Let's see what we're working with, then."


	8. Why Logic When You Have Card Games?

**A/N:****This is the last you're getting out of me until next week because of midterms and a trombone duet that I am not prepared for. XD Enjoy while I run off to play my horn, memorize French verbs, and study American History until my eyes bleed. :D Thank you all for your wonderful, wonderful words!**

**(Cameron Kennedy, I am sending you mental plot bunnies right now. They are devouring the stuff you hate and planting the seeds of brilliance in everything else. *love*)**

**Disclaimer: See previous.**

* * *

><p>"D'you have any Watapoms?"<p>

"Go fish."

"… Man Eater Bugs?"

"Nope. Go fish."

"Huh, that's weird. We're out of cards."

Leran threw her cards down in frustration. "This is stupid."

"Well, what else are we supposed to do?" Luca asked, frowning at her Duel Monsters. "And don't throw my cards!"

"My hand was a bunch of Kuribohs , Luca. Why do you even have those?"

Luca blushed. "I think they're cute."

"You didn't think they were cute when one of them _ate you._ Speaking of which…" She took a deep breath. "Hey! You! Kuriboh-guy! Can you cough us up already?"

Unsurprisingly, there was no answer.

"Rats," Leran said.

Luca began to shuffle the cards again. "You know, the game was going quite well until the Kuribohs got fed up with being used as baseballs. I think we actually could have won."

"Shut up and deal."

* * *

><p>"Today's topic," Ishizu said in Casey's Egyptian Mythology for Fanbrats class, "is the Millennium Items." She sighed. "Do you remember the part where I said that this class was going to cover actual Egyptian history as opposed to <em>Yu-Gi-Oh!<em>'s Egyptian history?"

The class nodded.

"Well," Ishizu said, "we were going through the Fanficiton dot Net archives, and Yami and Yugi decided that this was something that should not be put off any longer than it absolutely has to be. Because it didn't fit in with their lesson plan—you're all still on season one, after all, and the Items aren't fully explained until season five—they asked me to cover this unit. I agreed."

She paced the room slowly, hands folded calmly behind her back. "So, we'll be postponing our history for a few lessons to cover plot. If you have any complaints, please direct them to the nearest Kuriboh. I'm sure it'll be happy to listen—after it swallows you, of course."

The Thief King, who had been fiddling with his own Item, looked up.

"Are we covering all the ones that exist, or all the ones that don't exist?" he asked.

"If you had read the lesson plan," Ishizu said, "you would know that we're covering both."

Fleur raised her hand. "What do you mean, 'the ones that don't exist?'"

"Ah," Ishizu said. "Let me explain by example." She surveyed the class. "How many of you have ever created a character that possesses an Item that was not one of the original seven?"

Several hands went up. Casey raised her own hand, thinking proudly of her Millennium Bracelet. She was so creative.

"Now, how many of those supposed 'Items' were called the 'Millennium Bracelet?'"

Casey looked around in surprise at the number of the hands in the air.

"I thought so," Ishizu said. "While not the only fake Item ever created, the Millennium Bracelet is by far the most popular. However," she said wryly, "I hate to tell you this, but there _is no such thing _as a Millennium Bracelet."

"Or the Millennium Headband," the Thief King said, counting off on his fingers. "Or the Millennium Earrings, or the Millennium Goblet, or the Millennium Cheese Grater."

"There are exactly seven Items," Ishizu said. "That's it. Your Mary-Sue original character does not possess an eighth Item, or a ninth Item, or a tenth Item. The sooner you come to grips with this, the better."

Angel flipped to a new page in her notebook and wrote, "_But what if you're writing an AU?" _She held it up for Ishizu to see.

"Ah, yes," Ishizu said. "The AU is not covered in my class—see Alister and Valon for that—but it is one of the most abused types of writing in the fandom. That is to say, people use it as an excuse."

"So, you lot are like, 'Well, it's an Alternate Universe, so I can do whatever the hell I want to the characters,'" the Thief King said. "And then you make up, say, my long-lost wife—" he glared at Destiny, "—and give her some trinket that you wish were a real Item so that you could possess it."

"Don't get me wrong," Ishizu said. "It _is _possible to write an extra Millennium Item into your plot. As a matter of fact, it's possible to write just about anything into your plot. However, you must be aware that it takes great skill to introduce something like that into an Alternate Universe piece of fiction and make it believable."

"Meaning, you had better have a damn good explanation," the Thief King said.

"Why are you all of a sudden taking an interest in teaching this class?" Ishizu asked. "Not that I'm complaining."

"I happen to have a very large investment in the Millennium Items," the Thief King said with a sneer. "I don't want some fanbrat mucking them up."

"That brings us to our next point," Ishizu said. "The reason why it generally is very difficult to introduce an eighth Item without having to re-hash some major canon plot points." She sighed. "Now, I know that he has been dying to have his say in this," she said, "so I'm going to let the Thief King take over." She looked heavenward. "Ra help me."

"Right," the Thief King said wickedly. "The Millennium Items."

He hopped down off the desk and began to pace the room like Ishizu had been doing before. "Let me tell you a story," he began. "It takes place in ancient Egypt, thousands of years ago. There was a pharaoh. His name was Akhenamkhanen, if I recall correctly—which I do. He wanted to protect his land from foreign invasion, as every good pharaoh should."

The Thief King surveyed the students, who were already listening with rapt fascination. Possibly because of his accent. "There was a spell found in a book—the Millennium Spell Book, coincidentally—that taught one how to harness an ancient power and use it to create seven golden Items strong enough to vanquish his enemies." He paused, as if remembering. "The pharaoh ordered the Items to be forged, and charged his brother, Akhenaden, with creating them. However, little did the pharaoh know that to create the Items, a _tiny _sacrifice needed to be made. Ninety-nine human lives."

The Thief King paused again, relishing his audience. After spending the majority of time in a piece of metal, he rather enjoyed hearing the sound of his own voice. "Akhenaden knew, but he went through with it anyway. He summoned the pharaoh's court, and off they all rode to a tiny village of thieves—for what better use to put them to?—on the outskirts of the kingdom. The villiage was called Kul Elna."

"That was your village, wasn't it?" Casey breathed.

"Exactly," the Thief King said. "The pharaoh's court slaughtered the villagers, melting their bodies and souls into one big pot of gold, filling the molds in the Millennium Stone. And one little child who got away watched." His smile only seemed to grow wider. "But then again, you know that part of the story, don't you? Gives me quite a tragic past, doesn't it? Those ninety-nine souls were what fed the seven Items, powered them— that's why they conduct dark magic. Seven is a lucky number, you know. It holds meaning in many cultures, whether as a good luck charm or something quite a bit stronger. So you see, fanbrats," he said, "that is why it would take a great deal of plot-reworking to adequately explain an eighth Millennium Item."

"Thank you," Ishizu said, "I think you're finished."

"Aw," the someone said. Casey nodded in agreement. Not only had she enjoyed listening to that sexy British accent, she had also actually learned something!

"The seven Items," Ishizu continued, ignoring them. "The Puzzle, the Eye, the Ring, the Scale, the Rod, the Key, and the Necklace."

She looked at the clock. "We'll continue this next class. You have no homework."

The class cheered.

"But there will be a quiz."

"Dammit," Casey muttered.

* * *

><p>"The Thief King sure is a good story teller," Fleur said to Angel on the way out. "And that accent is y-u-m."<p>

"_Well, he had five-thousand years to practice_," Angel wrote. "_I hope they cover why he sounds British. I mean, he's Egyptian, right_?"

"I just hope that someone will explain why everyone's name is so damn long," Casey complained. "Urgh. I mean, Akanakamakumajiourowhat?"

"_That's probably why Atem's name is so short," _Angel wrote_. "Everyone got sick of trying to pronounce his dad's name."_

"Or his uncle's. That one's a mouthful, too."

"Makes you wonder what his grandfather was called."

"Akhenamkhanenakhenaden?" Fleur suggested.

They all shuddered.

"Dude," Casey said. "I now feel so much better about my own name. Casey. Two syllables. Sheesh."

* * *

><p>"There," Yami Bakura said, stepping back from the dead student lying in the infirmary to survey his handiwork. "That ought to work."<p>

"When will she wake up?" Yugi asked, peering at Kokoru.

"Well, she'll have to take a short trip to the Shadow Realm to regain her life-force, during which she will experience horrors unlike any she has ever encountered. Then she'll have to fight her way to consciousness again, battling dark energy as well as her own mind, which thinks itself dead and will therefore be very unwilling to rejoin the land of the living, since it goes against all biological laws as well as the laws of physics. Then she will have to deal with the horrible sickness and severe pain that will come from every dead cell in her body regenerating and returning to a living state, since decomposition begins immediately following death, and she has been gone for at least twelve hours. Side effects include heartburn, nausea, indigestion, and re-death." He paused. "She may also experience a strange craving for steak."

"Um."

"She'll be back after all that," Bakura said helpfully.

"Well… great," Yugi said. "Thanks, Bakura. I think."

"So, problem solved?" Bakura said. "Because I would like my money, if you please."

"Not quite problem solved," Kaiba said, pushing himself off the wall that he had been leaning on, where he had definitely not been impressed by Bakura's manipulation of dark magic to make technology do whatever the fuck he wanted it to.

Not at all.

"He's right," Yami said. "We still have to catch the culprit."

Yami Bakura gave a long-suffering sigh. "Are you implying what I think you're implying?"

"Yes," Yami said.

"Goddammit."

"It's time," Yugi said, "to interview the staff."

"Do we really have to?" Bakura asked. "Can't we just go out to lunch or something?"

"Where would we go, Bakura?" Yami asked. "We're trapped within the confines of these walls."

"Pardon my language, but that blows."

"Indeed. Now come on, all of you. It is our duty as protectors of the school."

"Hey, I am _not _a protector," Bakura said. "I'm the opposite of a protector!"

"I'm not a protector of anything except my company," Kaiba said. "Well, and Mokuba. Come to think of it, why am I even here?"

"Just come _on, _guys," Yugi said.

"… Okay, fine, but _you _get to deal with Yami Marik."

"… Can we rock-paper-scissors for it?"

"Bring it, Yami."

* * *

><p>"So, we didn't avenge Kokoru," Casey said later on, staring morosely at the green-bean casserole she had swiped from the cafeteria. It wasn't actually green, but she was choosing to overlook that. It was hard to be miserable to bellow-bean casserole.<p>

They were walking to Writing for Fanbrats, having survived a Basic Sex Ed class without Yugi (boooring—who wanted to listen to Téa?) and Atem's failed video-playing skills in Platonic Love. They had mostly spent that class sitting in the back and eating their lunch, talking amongst themselves about how their plan would have gone perfectly if Yugi hadn't interfered.

Then Atem has threatened them with banishment to the Shadow Realm if they didn't shut their mouths, so they were being forced to continue their conversation after class.

"Well, look on the bright side," Stephanie said. "At least we know that someone's working on it. Yugi said that Kaiba was doing everything he could, so…."

"Kaiba doesn't give a crap about anyone, though," Casey pointed out. "And to tell you the truth, I'm not worried about brining Kokoru back—I think they can do that. I just want to know who killed her."

"How many mystery novels have you been reading lately?" Ebony asked.

"Shut up."

"There's nothing we can do about it now," Rena said. "And anyway, I'm sure that Kokoru knows, wherever she is, that her friends are—"

"So, does anyone else think that this bread is really, really dry?" Stephanie asked.

Rena pouted.

* * *

><p>"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"<p>

"Dammit, Yami, you're supposed to go down on 'shoot,' not after it!"

"Well, that's not how _I've _always done it."

"Did you have 'rock, paper, scissors' back in ancient Egypt?"

"As a matter of fact, Kaiba, we did. It was how we settled all of our problems. That's why our politics were so messed up."

"… Look, best two out of three, okay?"

"I'm kicking your British-Egyptian ass right back to the Nile, Bakura."

"Yeah, in the pain-med-induced dreams you're going to be having when I murder you at this game!"

"Yugi, are they always this stupid?"

"Yeah. It's best to just let them duke it out."

"Ha! Beat you!"

"Yeah, for once."

"Oh, it is so on!"

* * *

><p>"Sit down everyone," Alister said to his Writing for Fanbrats class. "Today, we're beginning our first unit, general writing, and where the <em>hell <em>is Valon?"

"I'm right here," Valon said from under the front desk. "I just wanted to see how long it took you to notice."

Alister rubbed the bridge of his nose, looking like he was on the verge of a headache. "Just get up here and help me teach."

"Sure thing," Valon said, crawling out and dusting himself off. "So. Who's taken a creative writing class before?"

A few students raised their hands.

"Great," Valon said. "That's pretty much what this is." He grinned. "Except, if you fail, you get your soul taken by the Oricalchos."

"Pleasant," someone muttered.

"Eh, it's not so bad," Valon said. "Actually, I—"

"Can we _please _get back on topic?" Alister said.

"Sorry. So, let's start with the basics. General writing." He turned to write on the board. "People write for two main reasons: to entertain and to inform. There are always other subcategories, of course—writing to persuade falls under information, for example—but these are the foundations. What does fiction do, for the most part?"

Scar raised her hand. "Entertain?"

"Good. And remember, when we say 'entertain,' we're not necessarily talking about something that makes you laugh. We're talking about anything that captures your interest and that you enjoy reading. So, if you enjoy reading really dark, angsty stuff, that falls under entertaining. You can have informative entertainment, and you can have entertaining information. It all depends on what the main focus of the piece is."

"Let's practice," Alister said. "Newspapers do what?"

"Inform," the class said.

"What about comic books?"

"Entertain."

"Advertisements?"

"Entertain!" someone shouted.

Alister gave her a funny look.

The girl shrugged. "What? You've never watched a Super Bowl commercial? Those things are hilarious."

"The main purpose of an advertisement is to _persuade_ you to buy the product," Alister said, ignoring her. "So, persuade. That's a good example of how you can have both, though. Many product ads are supposed to persuade you to buy something _using _entertainment."

"What about Alister's lesson plans?" Valon asked, flipping through a stack of papers. "Because if you ask _me—_"

"No one did ask you," Alister snapped, snatching the papers back.

"Ouch. Someone's on her period."

Alister tackled him.

* * *

><p>"Dammit, why do you keep beating me?"<p>

"King of Games, Bakura. Remember?"

"… Double or nothing."

"Oh, for the love of—"

"What, are you scared?"

"Yeah, scared that I'm going to make you cry."

"Aw, you do care. Shut the fuck up and call it."

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

"… Son of a _bitch!"_

* * *

><p>Casey shifted deeper into the armchair she had claimed towards the back of the library just after dinner, glaring furiously at the notebook on her lap as if she expected it to magically fill its pages with words and save her the trouble of having to move her pen across the paper and actually think about formulating sentences that made sense.<p>

She frowned harder.

Nothing.

Casey sighed. Towards the end of Writing for Fanbrats, Valon and Alister had assigned the class (in between punches) a two-thousand word essay on the differences between writing for entertainment and writing to inform. Casey had decided that it would probably be a good idea to actually get started with her homework at a decent hour this time and had practically inhaled her bellow soup in her rush to get to the library.

Now that she was there, though, she had absolutely no idea what she was supposed to be doing.

"Come on," Casey said out loud in frustration. "For the love of crap, just… be written already!"

Obviously, that didn't work.

"Excuse me," someone said snootily, "but you're in my spot."

"Who do you think you are?" Casey grumbled, not taking her eyes off her notebook, "Sheldon Cooper? Sit somewhere else."

"Sheldon… what?"

"Sheldon Cooper. From _The Big Bang Theory? _Haven't you ever…?" Casey looked up to see a short boy with brown hair, huge glasses and— "Good Lord, is that a pocket protector?"

"Yes," the boy said, folding his arms. "It keeps my shirts safe. And I don't watch that show—I prefer _real _science."

Casey blinked. "Well, there's another chair right there, and I was kind of here first, so…"

"I sit here every day after dinner, without fail," the boy said. "So, theoretically, _I _was here first."

Casey groaned. "Can't you sit somewhere else for one day? Seriously, I have this huge paper to write, I don't have time for this."

The boy glared at her.

Casey glared back. "I once won a staring contest with my cat," she said. "I can do this all day."

They kept staring, until finally, the boy blinked and let out a string of curses.

"Victory!" Casey shouted.

"Bloody astigmatism," the boy muttered, dropping down into the other, vacant armchair in defeat.

"Shh!" someone towards the front of the library said.

"Sorry, Rebecca!" Casey called.

"I said shush!"

Casey winced and hunkered down in her seat. "Sorry," she said again, albeit much more quietly.

The boy set his books down on the center table and stuck out his hand. "Colonel Gaylord Wauters," he said.

"Seriously?"

"It's not the weirdest name I've heard here."

Casey took his hand warily. "Casey Mardoll." She paused. "Are you British?"

"Yes," Colonel said, sighing.

"Well, sorry," Casey said. "I'm no good with accents."

Colonel let go of her hand. "What are you studying?"

"Writing for Fanbrats," Casey said, slapping her notebook. "I'm supposed to write two-thousand words here," she said. "As if they're going to count." She rolled her eyes. "I'm just going to bullshit it."

Colonel frowned. "That's not good for your education."

"Dude, we're learning how to write fanfiction. Come on."

"Well, I think it's important to try your best in any subject, no matter how... trivial."

"You think fanfiction is trivial?" Casey said. "Then why the heck are you here?"

"To be honest," Colonel said, "I've only ever written one _Yu-Gi-Oh! _fanfic, and it was by request."

"I've written, like, a gazillion," Casey said. "It's the only fandom I write for."

"Well, to each his own, I guess," Colonel said.

"Hey," Casey said, "wait a minute! I remember you now! You're that guy in my Abridged class who always sits in the back and does calculus!" She frowned. "Why the heck would you want to do that?"

"I hate _Yu-Gi-Oh! the Abridged Series_," Colonel said. "It's so overused."

Casey gasped. "You don't mean that!"

"Oh, great," Colonel said. "Another rabid fangirl."

"Hey! I am not rabid. I got shots for that ages ago."

Colonel gaped. "You can't be serious."

"It's a joke, Einstein."

"Don't you have a paper to write?" Colonel asked moodily.

Casey sighed. "Dammit, don't remind me. I don't know how I'm supposed to get two-thousand words out of this."

"That class is easy for me," Colonel said. "I'm in Honors English back home, so I pretty much did all this stuff, but I know how you feel." He looked sideways at his own stack of homework. "I have to write a paper for Abridging. Uck."

Casey tapped her pen against her chin. "You know," she said, "I happen to be pretty darned good in that class. And _you _happen to be pretty darned good in _this _class."

Colonel raised an eyebrow. "What are you implying?"

"I'll write your paper, you write mine."

"Isn't that cheating?"

"I like to think of it as 'utilizing your recourses.'"

Colonel studied her for a long moment. Then he nodded. "Deal. But if you flunk me, Mardoll, I'm finding a Kuriboh, and I'm going to sic it on your Abridged-loving arse."

Casey grinned. "Right back at'cha, general."

"Oh, ha, ha. Write my paper."

Casey grabbed a pen and got to work. A moment later, she heard Colonel do the same.

She smiled. This could work.

An hour later, Casey dropped her pen and massaged her cramped hand. "I need a break, bro. I think I have carpal tunnel."

Colonel took off his glasses and massaged his eyes. "God, why does this school give so much homework?"

"Because they hate us," Casey said, leaning back and holding out her hands for "her" paper. "Gimme. I wanna see what you have so far."

"How are you doing?" Colonel asked.

"Pretty, good," Casey said. "I'm trying to figure out if I can get away with wasting about a hundred words on something really trivial."

"Did you talk about the use of the name Steve?"

"No. Should I?"

"Why not? I'm sure you can get at least fifty words out of listing every single character that you-know-who ever renamed to suit his nefarious purposes."

"… What?"

"Just talk about Steve."

They traded papers.

_There are several main differences between writing to entertain and writing to educate, _Casey read. Colonel had nice handwriting, she couldn't help but notice.

_One key dissimilarity between entertainment and education is that when one writes to entertain, he is focused less on factual evidence and more on the style, prose, and, if one is present, the plot of his piece._

"Wow. Wordy," Casey said.

Colonel didn't look up from the paper that Casey had been working on, since he was too busy writing all over it with red pen. "Yeah, well, it takes up space." He made another mark. "Your grammar is terrible," he said. "But the overall content is good."

"I don't know who you are, but that sounded vaguely dirty," someone said.

Casey looked up in surprise. "Eliza?"

"Hey, girl!" Eliza said, dropping down onto the armrest of Casey's chair.

"That didn't sound dirty at all," Colonel protested.

"Who's this guy?" Eliza asked, looking at Colonel. "New boyfriend?"

"Wha— no!" Casey spluttered. "No, he's helping me with my writing assignment!"

"Oh, so that's what they're calling it these days."

"Eliza!"

Colonel rolled his eyes. "I'm going to go use the restroom, Casey. I'll be right back."

Eliza watched him walk away. "You know, he's kind of cute. In a weird, nerdy sort of way."

"Oh my god, like, shut up," Casey said, pressing her hands against her flaming cheeks. Dammit, she always got nervous when people mistook her for someone's girlfriend. She didn't know why, but she did, and it always fueled the fire. It was like her face completely canceled out her verbal denial.

"Sorry," Eliza said, not sounding sorry at all. "I'll shut up now. What are you working on?" she said, dropping into Colonel's vacant seat.

"I'm writing Colonel's Abridged paper," Casey said. "He hates it, can you believe that?"

Eliza clutched her chest. "How could he?"

"Was that sarcasm?"

"Maaaaybe."

"Excuse me," Colonel said a few minutes later, coming back up to them and looking at Eliza. "You're in my seat."

"Oh, here we go again."

* * *

><p>"Library's closing, guys," Rebecca Hawkins said an hour later, waving her pencil at them. "Clean up and scram, please."<p>

Casey yawned and handed Colonel his finished paper. "Well, here you go," she said. "Sorry 'bout the grammar."

"It's all right, I would have checked it over anyway," Colonel said, handing her back her own paper. "God, I'm glad we finished."

"Yeah," Casey said, packing up her things. "It sucks to get woken up in the middle of the night because you forgot to do your homework." She winced. "Speaking from personal experience here."

"Do you want to sit with me at breakfast tomorrow?"

Casey frowned. "Is that the boarding-school equivalent of a date? Because I like you, but—"

Colonel laughed. "No, I think it's just breakfast."

"Aren't I a little young for you?"

Colonel shrugged. "Would it sound creepy if I called it 'utilizing my recourses?'"

"Yes," Casey said. "Yes, it definitely would."

"Then I won't call it that," Colonel said. "So, breakfast?"

"Sure," Casey said, hefting her books. "See you tomorrow?"

Colonel nodded and waved on his way out the library.

"Shit," she muttered, even though she couldn't keep a stupid little smile from slipping onto her face. "I am officially friends with a nerd."

"Yo, you! Stop loitering in my library and go to bed already!"

"Sorry, Rebecca."

"Oh, by the way?" Rebecca said as Casey started to leave. "Don't worry if he's a little bit older." She winked. "Never stopped me."

"…What?"

"Don't worry about it."

Casey nodded and waved, preparing to leave the library.

Then she smacked herself on the forehead when she realized that she was taking advice from an eleven-year-old.

This school was getting to her head.

* * *

><p>"Who should we interview first?" Yami asked, looking at his list of staff members.<p>

"The suspicious ones," Kaiba said.

"So, Bakura?" Yami asked.

Bakura frowned. "If I killed this brat, why would I go to the trouble to revive her?"

"Well, you got fifty bucks out of it," Yugi pointed out.

Bakura snatched Yami's clipboard. "Come on. We're going to find Marik."

"Which Marik? Evil Marik, Boring Marik, or the other one?"

"The other one," Bakura said. "Evil Marik is creepy as hell, and Boring Marik tends to make me want to throw up in my mouth a little every time I talk to him."

"Ew."

"Tell me about it. I see him every day, too, since Eggy decided that I needed to have therapy in order to calm my anger. I don't know what she's talking about. Anger? What anger? I don't have anger."

"Uh, Bakura? The clipboard is splintering."

"Oh. Fancy that."

"It's… embedding its shards in your fingers."

"… Huh. Didn't notice."

"You're kind of bleeding."

"Can we stop stating the obvious and go, please?"

* * *

><p>"So. Marik."<p>

"What the hell do you want, Bakura?"

"Where were you last night at approximately twelve-twenty seven?"

"Is this about the murder of that girl? Of course it is. Because I obviously don't have better things to do than go around stabbing fanbrats."

"There's nothing better than stabbing a fanbrat, Marik. But back on topic."

"I was in my room. Sleeping. Like a normal human being."

"Really? You had gotten all that eyeliner off by then?"

"Watch it, Bakura. I can still kick your scrawny ass."

"Like you did that fangirl's?"

"For the last time, I didn't kill her. Trust me—if I _had, _I would have used something a lot cooler than a _goddamn high heel _to stab her in the back. I would have used an actual knife. Or maybe a blender."

"You would have stabbed her with a blender? That's cold, Marik."

"Would you just get out of my bedroom? How did you even get in here?"

"Thief King. Lock picker. You do the math."

"You robbed tombs, Bakura. They didn't have locks."

"Well, I always like to learn new tricks."

"… You just stole my keys, didn't you?"

"Yep."

"… Balls."

* * *

><p>"… Got any Kuribohs?"<p>

"Go fish."

"Liar. You just had a whole hand full of them."

"No, that was the _last _round—round two-hundred-twenty-eight. This is two-hundred-twenty-nine."

"Oh. My bad."

"It's okay. Got any Dark Magicians?"

"Yeah, I—oops, never mind. Thought I saw the hat. Go fish."

"… This sucks."

"Yep. Hurry up and ask my something. I want to get to round two-hundred-thirty before I die."

"'Kay. Got any Harpy Ladies?"

"… Son of a bitch."

"I kick so much butt at this game."

"Just deal the damn Duel Monsters."

"… Got any Kuribohs?"

"Go fish."


	9. Kuribohs and Grammar and Sues! Oh My!

**A/N: Aw, hell. XD This is being uploaded early because **_**someone **_***points to VB* wouldn't leave me alone about it. Luv u, bb. :D**

**If there are any mistakes, someone holler, because I didn't have as much time to edit this one. **

**Disclaimer: See previous.**

* * *

><p>"All right, everyone. Take out your essays, please."<p>

In her Writing for Fanbrats class the next day, Casey fidgeted anxiously, clutching Colonel's essay tightly. _She _thought that it was great, but if Alister and Valon didn't think so, she was screwed.

She was all set to pass it in when Alister said, "I'm going to select several of you randomly to read your essays aloud to the class, so I hope for your sakes that you did a good job."

Casey's eyes widened.

"Crap," she whispered to Angel. "I suck at reading out loud!"

Angel looked at her reproachfully. "_You think you've got it bad?" _she scribbled. _"What am I supposed to do, re-wright my essay on the blackboard?" _

"Oh, sorry," Casey said, wincing. "I forgot about that."

"Miss Mardoll," Alister said, "if you're so willing to talk, why don't you come up here first?"

Casey gulped and dragged her feet up to the front of the class. She stared at the paper. "_Please,"_ she thought. _"Please let Colonel know what the hell he's doing." _

She cleared her throat.

"_There are several main differences between writing to entertain and writing to educate," _she read. "_One key dissimilarity between entertainment and education is that when one writes to entertain, he is focused less on factual evidence and more on the style, prose, and, if one is present, the plot of his piece. For example: when one writes a piece meant to entertain, such as a poem, his prose may be more descriptive. He has the opportunity to use figurative language, metaphors, similes, _et cetera_. When writing to inform, prose is less focused on in favor of actual content. Where a poet uses every piece of punctuation to his advantage, an academic writer favors a more simplistic style that gets his point across without mincing words. That's not to say that informative writing is impassive. In fact, it can be beautiful in its own unique way, which is part of the brilliance of writing in and of itself."_

She hoped that she could only tell that half of this was word-filler because she had been there when Colonel was complaining that he couldn't think of any more elaborate ways to take up space. Casey felt her heart rate begin to slow by a fraction as she continued on, the drone of her own voice calming her slightly. She found that reading someone else's words out loud was a lot less nerve-wracking than reading her own would have been.

"_In conclusion," _she finished some time later, "_authors who write to entertain have a larger margin for creativity than those who write to inform, and those who write to inform are more constricted to specific information that they must include. No matter what an author is choosing to write about, words are power and must therefore not be treated lightly, despite the genre of the piece."_

Casey looked up from the paper. Some of the students (and Valon) seemed to have dozed off after about one-thousand words, but others, as well as Alister, seemed at least marginally interested.

Casey was just glad that it was over.

There was a smattering of applause as she handed in her paper and walked back to her seat. Sea leaned over to her as soon as she sat down. "Where did you learn to write like that?" she asked.

"I didn't," Casey said, grinning. When Sea still looked confused, she waved a hand and said, "I'll tell you later." Then she sat back to listen to Rena read her essay.

All in all, a good class.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day went fairly well, too, despite the fact that it started storming halfway through lunch and one of the sinks in the girls' bathroom had flooded.<p>

"It is officially the weekend!" Casey said at the end of the day, slamming her way out of her Logistics class, not even minding the way her soaked sneakers squeaked against the tiles.

Sea followed behind her somewhat less enthusiastically, since she was thinking about all of the homework that Joey and Tristan had just assigned.

Who the heck asked students to explain willing suspension of disbelief? Better yet, who the heck asked students to explain willing suspension of disbelief before they even knew what it was?

She was definitely in for a fieldtrip to the library.

"I still can't believe you cheated on the writing assignment," she said.

"Me and Colonel like to call it 'utilizing our resources.'"

"That's no fair," Sea said. "Your resources are better than mine."

"Sorry," Casey said with a shrug and a grin. She stared dreamily into the distance. "Now it's time for me to do what I do best."

"What's that?"

"Sleep," Casey sighed. "God, I love Fridays so much. I'm going to take Friday home and marry it, and I'll wear a nice dress and all the works, and there will be cake. So much cake."

"I'd better be invited," Eliza said, coming up behind them. "Come on, we're going outside to play Ultimate Frisby!"

"No fair," Casey said. "You'll kick our butts!"

Eliza slipped an arm around her shoulders. "Not if you're on my team, _chica_."

Casey grinned. "Well, when you put it _that _way..._ c_ome on, let's go."

"What happened to sleeping? And marrying Friday?"

"Friday will wait for me. It understands my needs."

"Wow. I wish I had someone like that."

"Don't we all. Let's go find that frisby."

* * *

><p>"This," Valon said, "is incredibly stupid."<p>

"Well, I ain't too happy about it either, so suck it up," Joey said, leaning against the door to the girls' bathroom and gesturing towards the sink. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

Valon pulled a face. "Why am I the one that has to go unclog the pipes?"

"Because I don't like you."

"Great reasoning, Wheeler. We should get you on the debate team."

"Shows what you know," Joey said. "We don't even have a debate team."

Valon rolled his eyes and shoved his sleeves up to his elbows, turning towards the sink. "Just so you know, I'm only doing this because Mai asked me to. Not because you said I had to."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever floats your kangaroo. Just unblock the sink."

Valon bent over the offending sink and peered down the drain to see what was clogging it.

"What the—? he said, followed closely by, "Bloody hell." He looked back up at Joey. "Come take a look at this."

"What?" Joey said, coming to stand near Valon and look into the sink himself. "Did you drop your wombat?"

"See for yourself."

Joey squinted down the drain. Then he frowned. "What the heck?"

"That's what I'm thinking."

They looked at each other.

The sink gurgled ominously.

* * *

><p>"Jesus, what is this, a portal to Narnia?" Casey grumbled, shoving some clothes aside in Eliza's closet, trying to find the frisby.<p>

The students had been pleased to find that their personal belongings had somehow managed to show up in their rooms the second night of school. It was a good thing, too, Casey realized. Otherwise she'd be wearing the same pair of sweatpants every day for the rest of the year.

"_Attention, students," _Roland's voice suddenly announced over the speakers. "_Please report to the auditorium immediately. Repeat, please report to the auditorium immediately."_

Casey and Eliza looked at each other, worried. "Do you think someone else got hurt?" Casey whispered, clutching at one of Eliza's t-shirts.

"I guess we'd better go find out," Eliza said.

When they reached the auditorium, they noticed Eggy, Yami Marik, Dartz, Odion, Ryou, Rebecca, and Rafael standing on the stage.

"Well, Eggy doesn't look worried," Casey pointed out. Actually, Eggy looked like Christmas had come early and then merged with her birthday to end world hunger and bring her all of the tea she could ever drink out of a self-heating mug.

"Huh," Eliza said. "Wonder why."

"Hello, Casey."

"Oh, hey, Colonel," Casey said. "What's up?"

"Nothing, really. I got a good score on that paper, though. Thanks."

"No problem," Casey said. "I haven't gotten back the writing assignment yet, but it all sounded right to me."

"Boring," Eliza said. "Look, Eggy's getting ready to talk at us."

"Hello, everybody," Eggy said with a wave. "Today is the start of one of the programs that Official Fanfiction Universities all over the world hold dear to their hearts. Today is the beginning of Grammar Boot Camp!"

She was met with silence.

"Uh, what's that?" someone shouted.

"Glad you asked," Eggy said, grinning. "Now, since we have such a large student body, we're going to split this up into two groups. She pointed to the left side of the auditorium. "Everybody over here is going to follow Rafael, Ryou, and Rebecca—hehe, alliteration—outside to partake in the wondrous thing that is grammar. The rest of you are going to stay here with Yami Marik, Dartz, and Odion to attend a totally unrelated seminar. Savvy?"

"So, where are we going?" Casey asked Colonel.

"Outside," Colonel said. "Grammar Boot Camp."

"What the heck is that?" Casey asked.

"It can't be that bad," Eliza said, "since Ryou's teaching it. To the great outdoors!"

"I hate nature," Colonel grumbled as they made their way outside. "It looks better on a text book page."

"I just don't like the words 'grammar' and 'boot camp' in the same sentence," Casey said worriedly. She wasn't all that great at English, and physical activities had never really been her strong point.

"I'm sure you'll be fine," Eliza said.

"Easy for you to say. I failed gym. Four times."

"Move it or lose it, guys!" Eggy yelled into the microphone.

"Someone take that thing away from her."

"Good luck with that. I think she has it glued to her hand."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, back in the bathroom…<p>

"Well," Kaiba said, "that settles it."

He took the sheet of Litmus paper that he had stuck down the drain and held it up to eye-level, the better to glare at its offending bright pink surface.

"What does that mean?" Joey asked.

"It means," Kaiba said, "that this sink is full of Glitter. We officially have a Mary-Sue running amok in this school."

"We have a lot of Sues, though," Valon pointed out.

"But none of them should be potent enough to produce Glitter levels this high," Kaiba said. "I want to run some tests, but if my theory is correct, we are all in great danger. Even Joey."

"Hey!"

"Danger of what?" Valon asked.

"Danger of character derailment, displaced personality, and of being seduced against our wills by this creature," Kaiba said.

"So, what do we do?"

"We find the Sue."

"Whoo! Witch hunt!"

"This is a serious—"

"Can I bring a pitchfork?"

"… Sure, Wheeler."

"Score."

* * *

><p>Ryou Bakura paced slowly down the line of students assembled on the field outside of the school.<p>

"This," he said, "is Grammar Boot Camp. It will not be fun. It will not be easy. It will be grueling, exhausting work, and the only reward you will receive will be a deeper, greater understanding of the English language." He paused. "Personally, I should think that that is the only incentive you should need."

"He's so cute," Eliza sighed quietly to Casey.

Casey was too busy watching Rafael nervously to notice. "I feel like he's going to throw someone through a building any second," she said. "Does he ever smile?"

"Pay attention," Rebecca snapped. "Now, all of you—drop and give me twenty!"

"… Dude," Jonathan said. "Like, right now?"

Rebecca glared. "Do I look like I'm kidding?"

The students dropped to the grass.

"You," Ryou said, pointing to Casey. "Please recite the formula for a complex sentence."

"Um…" Casey said, gasping for breath.

"Wrong," Ryou said. "Take a lap."

Casey groaned and heaved herself to her feet as she heard Ryou ask Colonel to recite the most common prepositions beginning with the letter A.

"Aboard… about… above…."

A Kuriboh floated by as Casey ran past it. She could have sworn it was laughing at her.

"Let's see you do twenty pushups," Casey grumbled, gasping. "You don't even have arms."

The Kuriboh settled itself on top of her head.

"Dammit!"

* * *

><p>Back in the auditorium, the students attending the seminar weren't having much better luck.<p>

Granted, they weren't doing pushups, but they _did _have to fear for their eternal souls, so it sort of evened out.

Chrys would have bet that they had planned that from the beginning.

"Welcome, fanbrats," Dartz began, "to the _real _horror of this Friday afternoon."

"Who said you got to do the introduction?" Yami Marik grumbled.

"Odion," Dartz said, pointing to where Odion was lurking in the corner.

"What's he doing here?"

"Supervising," Dartz said with a long-suffering sigh. "Apparently, they don't trust us enough to conduct a seminar on our own."

"I wonder why?" Yami Marik asked. "I mean, it's not like we've really done anything bad yet."

"The zombie kitten doesn't even count," Dartz agreed, waving a hand. "Anyway, welcome, fanbrats! This seminar is titled 'When You're Evil,' and we'll be covering just a few things about the real interesting characters in _Yu-Gi-Oh!— _the villains."

"Aren't you excited?" Yami Marik asked, grinning evilly at Leran. She shrieked and cowered down into her seat.

Marik laughed.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, while the students were being tortured and bathroom Glitter levels were being investigated, Yami, Yugi and Yami Bakura were still interviewing staff members.<p>

"This is stupid," Bakura said for the seventh time.

"We know. We have known for the last twenty minutes thanks to your incessant whining," Yami said, looking at his list. "Next up is Pegasus."

Bakura groaned. "Not him."

"Yes, him," Yami said. "And it looks like it's your turn to talk."

"Oh, fan-_fucking_-tastic."

They found Pegasus in the art room, cleaning paint brushes.

"Why, I was here all night," Pegasus said. "I'm working on a new series of Duel Monsters cards. If I'm going to be stuck in this horrid place, I figured I might as well try and get some work done."

"How many Duel Monsters cards are you going to make?"

"Oh, I don't know," Pegasus said thoughtfully. "But if George Lucas can get away with redoing the same thing six times, I don't know why I can't."

"Okay, thanks for your time," Yugi said, pulling Yami and Bakura out of the room. "Bye, now!"

"That's it?" Bakura asked. "That's all we're going to ask him?"

"Look, he kidnapped my grandpa in season one and tried to seal my soul into a trading card. Do you blame me for not wanting to talk to him?"

"Hey, I stole your shit too, and you still talk to me."

"Well, we can't have everything we want in life."

"... Did Yugi just use sarcasm?"

"I think it was more like verbal irony."

"Eh, same thing."

* * *

><p>To Ryou Bakura, sarcasm and verbal irony most definitely were not the same thing, as Rena learned the hard way when she failed to differentiate between the two.<p>

"That's not even grammar," Casey huffed as she continued her sit-ups.

"Name the conjunctive adverbs!" Ryou said.

"However, furthermore, although," Casey recited, trying to remember the rest.

"How and when are they used?"

"… With a comma?"

"Wrong! Who knows?"

"With a semicolon and a comma," Colonel gasped.

Casey gritted her teeth and did another sit-up.

* * *

><p>"Villainy is an art," Dartz said, pacing the stage dramatically. "It is a dying art, what with all of your modern laws and rules and fancy jails cells that breed common <em>criminals <em>rather than intelligent evil masterminds, but it is an art nonetheless. You have people like myself, who use nefarious means and well-thought-out plans to bring about dramatic changes and get what we want, and then you have people like him," he pointed at Marik, "who simply enjoy stabbing things."

Marik grinned. "I do enjoy a good stab."

Some of the students hid behind their hands. Leran dove under her seat.

"My, I love this job," Dartz said, smiling at the cowering students.

"They're not scared of you," Marik said. "They're hiding from me."

"Ha. I highly doubt that."

"Watch," Marik said. He turned to the students. "Boo."

"Ahh!"

Marik rolled his eyes. "See?"

Dartz snorted. "Please. I am thousands of years old. I can be ten times more scary than you."

Marik narrowed his eyes. "Oh, yeah? Prove it."

Dartz rolled up his sleeves. "I believe the term is, 'bring it on.'"

Marik pulled out his Rod, and Dartz pulled out the Oricalchos card.

Odion sighed.

* * *

><p>"Are we done yet?" Bakura asked.<p>

"Bakura, we've only talked to a few people."

"Look, none of the staff members of this school—baring myself—are smart enough to pull off murder," Bakura said. "And I was in my room reading when the fanbrat was killed, so my alibi is solid."

"You read?"

"Why is that so hard for people to grasp?"

"We still have to interview everyone," Yugi said. "For propriety's sake."

"… Gods, you are so boring, it's almost sad."

"Watch it, Bakura."

"What are you going to do, Yami? Smite me?"

"Do not tempt me."

"Why don't we split up?" Yugi suggested. "Cover more ground."

"You do realize that that always ends badly, right?" Bakura asked.

Yugi shrugged. "I've fought ancient monsters and won," he said. "I think I can take on some psycho with a knife."

"Wow. Cocky, much?"

"Can't deny the truth," Yugi said.

Bakura gaped at Yami. "When did you give this kid a backbone?"

Yami rolled his eyes. "Let's just go."

"Hey, guys," Marik said, poking his head out of a nearby classroom. "Staff meeting. Get in here."

Yami, Bakura, and Yugi followed him into the room, where the assembled staff members (minus those conducting Grammar Boot Camp and the When You're Evil seminar) were listening to Roland.

"Where's the course coordinator?" Yami asked, taking a seat.

"She's busy," Roland said.

"She's helping with Grammar Boot Camp," Joey said. He rubbed his head ruefully. "She hit me over the head with a dictionary on her way down."

"Shut up and get on with it," Kaiba snapped, leaning against the wall. "We don't have time for this."

"He's right," Roland said. "I'll be frank. Mr. Kaiba believes that a Mary-Sue has infiltrated the school—and from the looks of these tests, I'd say he's right."

"What tests?" Alister asked.

"The ones I just ran on this," Kaiba said, holding up the pink Litmus test.

"What's that?" Mai asked. "It looks like Barbie barfed on a sheet of paper."

"For all intents and purposes, she did," Kaiba said. "This is a Litmus Strip that has come in contact with copious amounts of Glitter—the primary component in a Mary-Sue's bloodstream. The higher the Glitter level, the more dangerous the Sue." He studied the strip. "Our tests are telling us that this particular Sue has a glitter level of roughly two to four-hundred. We're leaning towards lower numbers, since the Sue doesn't seem to have made herself known yet, whether that's on purpose or not. We can't really know for certain until we confront her, but we suspect that this Sue is probably part of the range known as Classic Sues, or, like Miss Valentine pointed out, Dumb Blonde Barbie Sues."

"Is that bad?"

"Definitely," Roland said. "A Sue like that definitely has the power it needs to severely damage the integrity of this school."

"Not only the school, but us as well," Kaiba said.

"Well, damn," Marik said. "What are we supposed to do?"

"Find the Sue," Kaiba said. "I have a suspicion that the murder of one of the students could be closely related to the presence of this Mary-Sue."

"Do you think the Sue's a student?" Boring Marik asked. (He generally referred to himself as Good Marik. Everyone else just called him boring.)

"Speaking of the students, how's the dead one?" Yugi asked. "Did she wake up yet?"

"Not yet," Kaiba said. "We're keeping her for questioning once she regains consciousness, though."

"We should interrogate the students," Valon said. "They might know the Sue."

"All right, then," Kaiba said, looking at his watch. "We can start right away, starting with—"

"It's too late tonight," Alister said, probably just so that he could disagree with Kaiba.

"How about tomorrow after meals?" Yami said. "We can separate them into groups—starting with the students that tend to show certain borderline-Sue qualities."

"We'll run tests on some of the more suspicious ones," Kaiba said. "I'll get Mokuba to make the necessary preparations."

"Hang on, guys," Téa said. "Can we do that? I mean, don't you think we should explain this to the students first?"

"She's right," Yugi said. "I think they deserve to know."

"And risk alerting the Sue?" Kaiba said. "I don't think so. Anyway, it's for their own good."

"I don't—"

"This isn't the time for weak constitutions, Yugi," Kaiba said. "This school is in danger, and I don't intend to lose to some brat who thinks she's better than everyone else."

Yugi sighed. "Can we at least tell the students individually before we start grilling them?"

"We'll see," Kaiba said, snapping his briefcase shut. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an investigation to conduct."

"What a douche," Joey said once the door had slammed shut.

"Yeah. D'you think he's still pissed over the whole strip-Duel Monsters thing?"

"Strip _what _now?"

"Joey, don't."

"Aw, c'mon, Yug."

"… Okay, I'm just going to leave now and pretend that I didn't know about this."

"Okay, so the other night…."

* * *

><p>"I officially do <em>not <em>love Friday anymore," Casey groaned, rubbing her back. "Fuck this, I'm totally going to have an affair with Saturday now. Friday has completely shot its chances in the face with a gun named Grammar-fucking-Boot Camp."

"You think you had it bad?" Leran said. "Dartz and Marik got into a full-out _war _in the auditorium. Have you ever gotten stuck between two evil villains going at it with dark magic? I almost lost my soul. Twice."

"Fifty pushups in a row, Ferro. Bite me."

"Who knew that Ryou was so _evil?_" Eliza whined. "He wouldn't let us leave until we could say all of the sentence formulas—backwards—and conjugate verbs while standing on our heads."

"I have, you have, they have," Casey mumbled. "She has, he has, it has…."

"_I _have the desire to go die in a hole," Colonel declared. "Goodnight, girls."

"Night," Casey said as Colonel limped off the boy's dormitories.

"Someone has a cruuush." Eliza and Lean broke into song.

"_Casey and Colonel, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G_! _First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Casey with the baby carriage!_"

"I would totally support you if you got preggers," Eliza said. "And I would be the best aunt ever, don't deny it."

"Shut up," Casey snapped, too tired to handle the teasing. "I'm going to shower and then go to bed." She paused. "And if that _goddamn _alarm clock has the nerve to wake me up in the morning, so help me I will feed it to a Kuriboh."

She slammed the door of her room and faceplanted on her bed. "God, I am so tired," she mumbled against her pillow.

"Me too."

Casey looked up. "Hey, Aurora. Were you in the seminar?"

Aurora nodded, pausing in her attempts to fix her chipped black nail polish. "I learned a lot."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes. Did you know that it is a bad idea to open Shadow portals in the middle of a large auditorium full of students?"

"Yeah, I kinda figured," Casey said.

"Vell, apparently, Yami Marik did not."

Casey winced sympathetically. "How many people got sucked in?"

"Three. It almost got me, but I held onto a chair."

"That works?"

"I guess."

"Huh," Casey said, at a loss for pretty much any other words. "I'm going to go take a shower."

She grabbed her towel and stepped into the bathroom. After stripping, she stepped into the shower, sighing in relief as the hot water hit her shoulders. Every single inch of her body was sore, up to and including parts that she hadn't been previously aware could _get _sore. She felt like someone had run her over with an elephant. Or a particularly fat Kuriboh.

She grimaced, remembering the one that had stuck itself to her during Grammar Boot Camp. It had followed her all the way back to the doors before Ryou had called it back. The darned thing seemed attached to her, for some reason. She didn't even know why. She had told the thing time and time again to just bugger off already, but it had clung to her—particularly her head—insistently. She wouldn't have been surprised if—

There was a sudden _thump _on the bathroom door.

"Aurora?" Casey called.

The was another thump.

Casey shut off the water. Casey reached for the handle on the door, wrapping a towel around herself. "What—"

She was hit in the face with what felt like a giant ball of fur.

"Ack! What the heck?" Casey shoved the squirming Kuriboh away from her face. "How the heck did you get in here?"

"It knocked the door down," Aurora said apologetically from where she was cowering on her bed.

The Kuriboh purred happily.

Casey pointed to the door. "Okay. Out. Now."

The Kuriboh pouted.

Casey tapped her foot.

Its eyes seemed to quiver.

Casey faltered.

"Oh, no," Aurora said. "No, you are not thinking vhat I think you are thinking."

Casey sighed. "Well… one night can't hurt."

Aurora groaned as the Kuriboh buried itself happily into Casey's bed. "And now it is never going to leave."

Casey rubbed her eyes and went to finish her shower. "I'm way too tired for this she muttered, grabbing the shampoo bottle. Then she peered at the label.

_Great lemon scent! (And we do mean "scent." _Not _taste. So for the love of assorted hair-care products, stop eating it!)_

"Son of a bitch."

Casey collapsed into bed twenty minutes later, too exhausted to care that the Kuriboh immediately curled itself against her side. Before Casey knew it, her eyes were closed and she was drifting off to sleep, lulled into unconsciousness by the Kuriboh's purring.

She was jerked awake again when the same Kuriboh thought it would be fun to use her head as a trampoline, knocking against her nose and causing her to start choking on fluff.

Oh well, Casey thought ruefully as she shoved the Kuriboh off of her face. It was a start.


	10. It's the End of the World as We Know It

**A/N: New chapter in celebration of the end of midterms and solo/ensamble festival. (We got a second division! :D) ****However, it also marks the beginning of my experiance with rubber bands. You can't have everything, I guess. **

**Also! We broke one-hundred reviews, guys! /dies. I love you all so much, I'm baking you all mini, microwaveable cakes. **

**Yeah. I know how to do that. **

**Disclaimer: See previous. I also don't own any song lyrics used in this chapter. (There are kind of a lot.) Or the title, come to think of it.**

* * *

><p>"<em>Happy Saturday to you, Happy Saturday to you! Happy Saturday, dear stuuuudeeeents—!"<em>

Casey reached out a hand and fumbled blindly for the radio that served as her alarm clock sitting on her bedside table. As soon as her fingers closed around it, she pulled it down to the bed and held it out to the Kuriboh blinking itself blearily awake. "Here."

The Kuriboh studied it for a moment, then opened its mouth wide and swallowed the still-blaring alarm clock whole.

Casey smiled and pulled the covers up. Revenge. It was sweet.

She hoped the Kuriboh thought so too.

Just as she was drifting back off to sleep, though, Casey heard a muffled noise coming from under the blankets. She frowned and pulled them back, but all she saw was the Kuriboh, which was looking up at her expectantly.

"Did you hear something?" she asked it.

The Kuriboh opened its mouth.

"_I'm in love with a world through the eyes of a girl, who's still around the morning after!"_

Casey gaped at it.

"Please don't tell me that Kuriboh is singing," Aurora mumbled from the other side of the room.

"… Okay, I won't," Casey said, staring at the Kuriboh in disbelief.

It belched an A flat and hummed contentedly.

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes later, Casey found herself sitting at the breakfast table, watching the Kuriboh devour her eggs hungrily.<p>

"Why don't you just get rid of it?" Colonel asked, staring at it with slight revulsion. Kuribohs were messy eaters.

"I tried," Casey said. "It keeps coming back. Plus, I don't want to get it mad—I'm afraid it'll try and eat me."

"Well, you have to do something with it," Colonel said, pushing his plate away and looking slightly queasy.

Casey tossed the Kuriboh another bacon strip. It turned towards her with adoration in its eyes and opened its mouth to serenade her for the third time that morning.

"What the hell?" Colonel said as the Kuriboh sang, "_You're beautiful! You're beautiful, it's true!_

"I fed it my radio this morning," Casey admitted. "I'm not really sure what to do about that."

They stared at it.

"I think you should figure out its name," Rena piped in. She sighed. "It's probably something cute."

The Kuriboh paused in its eating to glare at her.

"Hm," Casey said, studying it critically.

"Oh, no," Colonel said. "You can't. Once you start calling it by name, it never goes away."

"_And I'll stay with you! The walls will fall before we do!"_

"I think that's pretty much inevitable," Casey said. "I'll figure it out during Canon 101."

"Well, let me know when you get it," Rena said. "I think it's adorable."

"I don't," Sea muttered, poking furiously at her toast. "Urg, just looking at it makes me shiver."

The Kuriboh floated down towards her. "_Baby come back… you can blame it all on me!"_

"Well, technically, you weren't the one that ate me," Sea said slowly.

The Kuriboh bobbed affirmatively.

Sea reached out hesitantly to pet it.

"Oh, come on," Colonel groaned. "You aren't honestly going to keep that thing."

Casey shrugged. "I don't know, I think it's kind of nifty. Even if it does keep trying to chew my hair."

Colonel pointed at the Kuriboh. "Okay, fine, but if it eats someone, don't say I didn't warn you."

"Hey, I have an idea," Rena said. She turned towards the Kuriboh and got its attention by proffering a piece of toast that she had pilfered from Colonel's plate. Once it was focused on her, she held up both of her hands. "Okay, little dude. How many syllables is your name?"

The Kuriboh studied her fingers carefully for a moment. Then slowly reached out and bumped its front against the first two.

"Okay, two syllables," Rena said, borrowing Angel's pencil and notebook to write it down.

"You're not playing charades with a Kuriboh," Colonel said.

"How many letters?"

The Kuriboh bumped four more fingers.

"Two syllables, four letters. Now, who are you named after?"

The Kuriboh stopped to think for a minute. Then it put on the biggest frown that its little features could contain and snatched Ebony's cell phone out of her hand.

"It's Kaiba!" Casey yelled.

The Kuriboh relaxed and dropped the cell phone (much to Ebony's dismay) into a pot of jam.

As Ebony fished out her phone, Rena rubbed the Kuriboh on the head. "Great. So, four letter spelling variation of Kaiba."

They all thought about it for a minute.

"Kaba?" Casey suggested.

The Kuriboh glared.

"Baka?"

It rolled its eyes.

"Ka.. Ki… Kiba?" Colonel tried a moment later, sounding resigned.

The Kuriboh bobbed up and down happily, then gobbled up the rest of Colonel's breakfast and nuzzled against his arm.

"Okay, so Kiba," Casey said, stifling a giggle at the expression on Colonel's face. "At least we know what to call it now."

"_I _am going to call it annoying," Colonel snapped, shoving Kiba away from him.

Kiba growled and opened its mouth.

"No! Bad Kiba," Casey scolded. "No eating Colonel."

Kiba looked sheepishly down at the table and nudged Colonel's hand. "_I'm sorry I'm bad," _it sang. "_I'm sorry you're blue..."_

"Um. It's okay," Colonel said awkwardly.

"Aw, see?" Casey said. "You can get along just fine!"

"What exactly do you plan on doing with it while you're at class?" Colonel asked. "You can't just waltz in with a Kuriboh on your shoulder."

"Um… stick it in my backpack?"

Both Kiba and Colonel looked at her reproachfully.

Casey sighed. "Okay, fine. I guess he can stay in my room…."

"Oh, no, he can't," Aurora said. "I do not vant it eating my stuff."

Casey turned back to Kiba. "Can't you just roam the school with all the other lit—I mean, all the other mini Kuribohs?"

Kiba looked sad.

"You can't just stay by my side twenty-four-seven," Casey pointed out.

Kiba seemed to sigh. "_Everything I do, I do for you…."_

Casey patted it on the head. "Good boy. Who wants some more toast?"

Colonel snatched his plate away. "Not from me, he doesn't."

Casey poked Kiba. "I think Colonel needs a break, Kiba. Why don't you go find your friends?"

Kiba bounced happily on her head once, causing her to wince, and then zoomed out the room, weaving in and out of students as it went.

"Of all the things for you to make friends with," Colonel muttered.

Casey patted him on the head.

"Watch the hair!"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, down the hall, away from the jabbering noise of the cafeteria, someone was sneaking.<p>

It wasn't just your average, everyday sneaking job either, oh no. This was professional sneaking. The kind that required special shoes and camouflage clothes.

Luckily for this particular sneaker, both came in hot pink.

No one had bothered to tell her that hot pink wasn't exactly the most practical color of camouflage. It wasn't like it would have mattered.

No one she didn't want to be noticed by ever saw her, anyway.

Usually, she was all for people seeing her (and stopping to admire her hair and her eyes and her flawless skin) but today was different. Today, she had a mission. It had been assigned to her specially. In fact, her superiors (in name only, of course, because no one was better than her!) had told her that no one else could take her place on this. She was alone.

She grinned. She liked the sound of that. It had a nice connotation. The tragic heroine, left to her own devices because of tragic tragedies that were tragic. All alone in the big, bad world, with only her driving need to complete her destiny as companionship.

Maybe she should put that on her résumé.

She continued her stealthy padding down the hall, looking at her sparkly pink watch. Only fifteen minutes left for breakfast. She had to hurry.

Not that she _actually _needed to hurry, since this kind of stuff was a piece of cake for her. _Everything _was a piece of cake for her.

She sighed dramatically. For once, she would like to feel a challenge; to have something that could actually beat her.

Not.

She was quite happy with where she was, actually. She loved having people fall at her feet when she blinked.

She reached to her belt clip and checked to make sure _it _was still there. Then she stealthily picked the lock to a certain classroom in record time and made her way over to the computer sitting on the desk.

She plugged the sparkly flash drive into a USB port and watched pink lines of data slowly begin to override the system.

As soon as the virus had finished taking hold, she pocketed the flash drive and slipped out the door, relocking it behind her. She whistled merrily as she made her way back down the hall, contemplating whether or not she should stop at the cafeteria for a low-carb bagel before classes began.

Oh, why not? She deserved a treat after all her hard work.

She didn't notice the single pair of eyes watching her as she turned the corner.

* * *

><p>"Man, I am so glad it's the weekend," Casey said, starting to stand up. "I'm going to spend the whole day alternating between napping, eating, and… well, hell, that's about it."<p>

"Excuse me."

Everyone at the table looked up to see Yugi standing behind them, looking sheepish. "I'm sorry to bother you… but is there an Aurora von Schroeder or Nadine Scarlet Xena here?"

Scar and Aurora looked at each other. "That would be us," Aurora said slowly. "Vhy, is something the matter?"

Yugi looked pained. "I'm afraid you're going to have to come with me."

"Why?"

"You're wanted for questioning about the murder of Kokoru Vincent."

Casey dropped back into her seat.

* * *

><p>"This is ridiculous!" Scar shouted as Yugi led her and Aurora into a room. "We're Kokoru's <em>friends. <em>Friends don't kill friends!"

"I'm sorry," Yugi said for the seventeenth time. "I really, really wish there was another way to do this, but Kaiba said—"

"Of course this is Kaiba's fault," Aurora said stiffly. "I'll have you know, I am a _vampyre _descended from a long line of—"

"Save it, Mary-Sue," Seto Kaiba said, sweeping into the room and closing the door behind him.

"_Excuse _me—?"

"You said you were a 'vampyre,'" Kaiba said, pacing the room. "Does that mean that you need to kill people to feed yourself, you leech?"

"Kaiba, please," Yugi murmered.

"Shut up, Motou. I'm trying to conduct an investigation here."

"Vell, you don't have to be so rude," Aurora said.

"Don't tell him anything," Scar said. "This is unfair."

"It's unfair that I'm trying to protect this school?" Kaiba said. "Listen, brat. Do you really think I want to be stuck playing this awkward version of 'Good Cop, Bad Cop' with Motou over there? Do you think that this is what I usually spend my Saturdays doing? Because let me tell you, I—"

"Seto!" Mokuba said, slamming the door open. "We have an emergency. Someone's hacked into the school's main security system!"

"That's impossible," Kaiba said. "The system is set up through my own personal—"

Mokuba held up Kaiba's laptop. The screen was bright pink.

Kaiba swore and stormed out of the room. Mokuba followed close on his heels, the door banging shut behind them.

Yugi sighed tiredly and turned back to the two girls. "Let's start this over."

* * *

><p>"I don't know how it happened," Noa Kaiba said, looking anxious through the monitor of the laptop he was currently using to communicate with his stepbrother. "The virus broke through all of our firewalls without any trouble. It got past all of the security… I don't even know how it happened," he repeated.<p>

"As much as I would like someone to blame right now, I don't think it's your fault," Kaiba said, examining his own computer. "We're not dealing with any ordinary hacker. This computer has been infected with Glitter."

There was silence. Finally, Mokuba asked, "Has that… ever happened before?"

"Not that I know of," Kaiba said. "This is—"

He was interrupted by a loud screech coming from Noa's computer.

"Noa!"

Noa opened his mouth to answer, looking afraid, but his voice was drowned out by another loud noise. Suddenly, the whole screen went a violent white, and then tiny pink lines began to weave their way up the monitor.

"Noa!" Kaiba said again, grabbing the computer, but it was too late.

Noa was gone, replaced by a pulsing pink light.

Kaiba stared at the computers sitting on his desk, shocked. Suddenly, above him, the lights began to flicker.

"They've entered the main system," Kaiba realized.

He took off running out the door and down the hall. _What a way to spend a Saturday_, he couldn't help but think.

At least he wasn't being asked to save the world.

_Yet_, his brain added as he turned a corner.

* * *

><p>Casey looked up from her book as the lights above her flickered. "What the hell?"<p>

Next to her, Serena looked up from her own book and pushed her glasses up her nose. "Huh. Maybe there's a storm."

Casey looked pointedly out the library window at the bright blue sky.

Serena shrugged. "Worth a shot."

Suddenly, Roland's voice reverberated over the loudspeakers. "_All students, report to the auditorium. All students, report to the auditorium. This is an emergency. Repeat…."_

Casey and Serena looked at each other fearfully.

* * *

><p>"Damn, damn, damn, damn, <em>fuck!" <em>Eggy said, pushing past teachers to get to the main stage of the auditorium. "This was _not _supposed to happen!"

"Just calm down," Roland said, although he sounded too nervous himself for his statement to have much weight.

"I will not calm down! I've put too much work into this thing for some bitch with a Glitter problem to ruin it!"

She grabbed the mic. "All right, fanbrats, listen up."

The auditorium quieted down slightly as she spoke, anxious shouting turning to whispers and mumbling.

"There is a Mary-Sue somewhere in this school, and she is fucking with our security. I want everyone to stay in here – and when I say stay here, I mean _stay here. _We don't want anyone wandering off to play hero." She paused. "Staff, I want you patrolling the hallways. Search everywhere. Get your monsters out here if you have to, I don't care. But we are stopping this tonight."

She put the mic back and turned to Roland. "Come on. We don't play Duel Monsters, but we sure as hell know where the frying pans are. As soon as I see that bitch, I am whacking her straight upside the head."

She grabbed Kaiba's sleeve. "Keep trying with the computers. See if you can overrun the virus or someshit, I don't know, I'm not a techy person."

Kaiba nodded curtly and spun on his heel, heading out the doors.

Eggy took a deep breath. "Okay, everyone. You know what you're doing. Let's go find us a Sue."

She so didn't sign up for this crap.

Damn Sues. They always ruined everything.

* * *

><p>As soon as the door slammed closed behind the last of the staff members, the auditorium erupted again.<p>

Serenity and Duke, who had stayed behind for the time being to at least try and supervise the students, winced at the sudden increase in volume.

"I hope they'll all be all right," Serenity said.

"Me too," Duke said. "Not just for their sakes, but for the sake of the school, too. I mean, if this gets too out of hand—and I mean, more out of hand than it already is—and someone else gets hurt, this place could be shut down faster than you can say 'Dungeon Dice Monsters.' And believe me, you can say that pretty fast."

He sighed. "As much as I'd like to throw some of these brats off a high building… we can't exactly fix the problem if we kick them all out. We'd just be sending them back to create more Sues, and nothing would be fixed."

"I'd guess we'd better hope that our friends are as good at saving schools as they are at saving the world," Serenity said.

Duke snorted. "Dude, we're totally screwed then. Do you know how often any of us go to school? I mean, I think Kaiba and I were each there all of one time."

"Hey, at least you got that much. I spent most of the series either in a hospital or following Joey around."

"Well, you're not following him around now," Duke said, casually throwing an arm around her.

Serenity pushed him off. "Is now really the time?"

Duke rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know. The end of the world is such a cock-block."

"End of the school. Not really the world."

"Whatever."

* * *

><p>Down below the stage, people had mostly settled down into small groups, talking amongst themselves rather than shouting across the auditorium.<p>

Destiny was sobbing against Jonathan's shoulder; Jonathan was looking rather awkward about the whole think.

"It's so tragic," Destiny sniffed delicately, wiping at her perfect eyes that seemed to be bigger and shinier through her tears, and not at all red-rimmed or swollen. "Poor Kumoro."

"Kokoru," Rena said, absently tapping a pattern on the seat of her chair. "And you didn't even know her."

"I talked to her three whole times in that Egyptian class—we shared a special bond that could never be broken!"

She dissolved into more tears, soaking Jonathan's sleeve.

Gregory smirked at Jonathan, ignoring his pleading looks. "Having fun?"

"If you weren't dead, I'd kill you," Jonathan muttered, hesitantly patting Destiny's back. "Um. There, there?"

"Oh, you're so comforting," Destiny said. "I'm sure that if my lover were here, he'd thank you."

"The Thief King is not your lover," Casey said, rolling her eyes.

"You're just jealous because you don't understand our bond."

"Do you have a 'bond' with everyone?" Rena snapped.

They all looked at her in surprise.

"Rena," Casey said hesitantly, "are you okay?"

"No!" Rena said. "No, I am not okay! There's a Sue running around in our school, no one is doing _anything _at _all, _and, and… and I miss our friends!" She wrapped her arms around her fuzzy sweater. "Scar and Aurora—and I think they got Angel now, too, and who knows who's next— they're all probably being tortured for information about the Sue, even though they had nothing to do with it… and Kokoru! She's mean and she's crazy and I act like I hate her, but I don't really—well, okay, sometimes I do, but I've gotten _used _to her, and now she's off dead, and we haven't heard about her in days, and everyone just seems _okay _with all of this…."

Rena was shaking, her hands curled into fists around the dangly pompoms on her sweater. "I just… didn't think it would be like this," she finished quietly. "I came to this school to meet new friends… not have them taken away for no reason."

"Oh. Oh, Rena," Casey said, biting her lip and looking at the rest of the group for help. "No, don't think like that. It's not that we don't care, it's not like that at all, we just…." She trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

"It's just, what can we do?" Gregory said, leaning back in his seat. "How are we supposed to do anything more than what the _entire staff _is doing right now?"

"He's right," Jonathan said, pushing Destiny off his arm. "When it comes down to it… we're pretty much just a bunch of kids." He looked sidelong at Gregory. "Even the ones that are a couple thousand years old."

Gregory shrugged. "I died young. What can I say?"

"The point is," Colonel said, turning to Rena, "no matter how much we care, we can't exactly prove everyone's innocence _and _find the Sue _and _bring Kokoru back to life."

"I know," Rena said, looking down at her hands. "I didn't mean to shout at you."

"Hey," Casey said. "I've got an idea."

She turned to Colonel. "Can I have one of your pens?"

Colonel looked surprised. "Sure," he said, reaching into his front pocket. "What for?"

"Everyone, put your hands together," Casey said, uncapping the pen.

They complied, somewhat bemusedly. Destiny shoved her hand right in the center.

"Remember the first episode of _Yu-Gi-Oh!, _when Yugi was about to duel Kaiba for the first time?" she said. "Téa marked everyone's hands with that smiley face to remind them that even though they were going to be apart, they were still there for each other."

"So you're going to draw all over our hands?" Colonel asked.

"It's a symbol of friendship," Casey said, looking at Rena. "I mean, I hate Téa as much as anyone… but with so many of us gone, it can't really hurt, can it?"

"Well, it can give us ink poisoning," Colonel said.

"Seriously? I'm _trying _to be _supportive _here."

"Oh, okay, fine," Colonel said, squeezing his eyes shut. "Go ahead."

Casey held the pen over their hands for a moment, hesitating. "What should I draw?"

"Oh, so you're just now thinking this through?"

"Wait, I got it."

Casey's tongue poked out the side of her mouth as she concentrated, tracing over their hands carefully.

"There," she said. "Finished."

Everyone looked at their hands.

"Um… what is it?" Gregory asked.

"It's a Kuriboh," Sea said from the corner.

"It's fitting, I guess," Serena said. "I mean… they're pretty much the school's mascot."

"Thanks," Rena said, studying her own mark. "I.. I guess I do sometimes go a little overboard on the friendship thing. But I think it helps. Friends are really important!"

"And that's the Rena we know," Casey said.

"Hey," Colonel said with a frown. "Speaking of Kuribohs… where's yours, Casey?"

Casey looked around in surprise. "I… have no idea."

"Hey, where did Destiny go?" Serena said suddenly. "Wasn't she just here?"

"Maybe she's with the Kuriboh. Who cares?" Jonathan said. "At least she finally let go of my favorite shirt."

Casey frowned.

* * *

><p>She slid down the hall, back against the wall, an unconcealable grin on her face.<p>

It was just too easy.

"Everything is going smoothly," she whispered into her cellphone. Of course she had a signal here. If Seto Kaiba could do it, so could she, after all.

"_Good. You know what you are to do next?"_

Her grin widened. "Of course."

* * *

><p>"Okay," Scar said. "So this officially sucks."<p>

She and the other suspected students were sitting in a locked classroom, cut off from the rest of the school and completely clueless as to what was going on.

"_I wish Yugi hadn't just left us here_," Angel wrote on the blackboard. She was extremely despondent, as her notebook had been confiscated as "evidence" as soon as she had entered the room.

"What does it matter? They'll let us out once they realize we're innocent," an alien student named Ryan Loving said indifferently.

"Dude, do you care about anything?" Scar asked.

Ryan shrugged.

"I vonder vhat everyone else is doing," Aurora said absently. "Do you think they've found the actual Sue yet?"

"Wouldn't they have let us out by now if they had?" Scar asked.

"_Maybe they're busy?" _Angel offered. Her chalk broke and she sighed sadly.

"How come we're the only ones in here, anyway?" Scar asked. "I mean, we can't be the _only _non-humans in this entire school."

"I think they spit us up," Ryan said, sounding bored. That was nothing new, as he always sounded bored. He was always complaining that Mars was more interesting—even though people were constantly pointing out that all it was made of was dry rock.

"They probably didn't want us conspiring or something," Aurora said. She sniffed. "I still find this highly undignified. To be compared to such a creature. As if _I _would ever be a Mary-Sue."

"You know who should be in here? That Destiny kid," Scar said. "I mean, she's more Sue-ish than any of us put togeth— oh my god."

"Did anyone see Destiny get hauled in?"

They all looked at each other.

* * *

><p>"If I were a Sue, where would I hide?" Yami Marik muttered to himself as he wandered through the halls, shining a flashlight through the dark. Behind him, a miniature version of the Winged Dragon of Ra, shrunken to fit in the hallway, flapped along lazily. Really, it was just looking forward to actually getting to <em>do<em> something for once.

Marik's hand strayed unconsciously to where his Rod was hanging off of his belt loop, and he grinned, slightly maniacally. Given the fact that it was one of three copies (his two boring counterparts held the others, since having to decide who got the original just wouldn't have ended well), it wasn't exactly at its strongest, but it could still help in a pinch.

Plus, there was still the dagger on the end.

That couldn't hurt.

Well. It couldn't hurt _him. _Potential Mary-Sues were a different matter entirely.

It had been a while since anyone had actually _let _him do something aggressive, he thought, continuing his search. He was looking forward to getting to stab someone in the face for once.

Plus, he and Yami Bakura had a bet going on who could find the Sue first, and he wasn't about to lose his ten dollars.

"Here, Miss Mary-Sue. Come out, come out, wherever you are."

* * *

><p>"We have to tell someone," Aurora said. "If she is the Sue—"<p>

"But how?" Scar asked. "We're locked in."

They stared at the door. Angel tried the nob again, shrugging when it failed to open.

"There has to be a way," Scar muttered.

Suddenly, they heard a voice outside the door.

"_Here, Miss Mary-Sue. Come out, come out, wherever you are."_

"Is that Yami Marik?" Aurora asked.

"Hey!" Scar yelled through the door. "Hey, open up!"

"Don't do that!" Aurora said, yanking her back. "He'll hear you!"

"Uh, duh, that's kind of the point."

"But he's _evil."_

"I really don't think we have very many options right now, Aurora."

"Are those fanbrats I hear_?"_ Yami Marik said through the door. "Why, whatever are you doing in there?"

"We're being held as suspects," Scar said, "but we're innocent. And we think we know who the Sue is."

"Really now? Why don't you tell me?"

Scar squeezed her eyes shut. "Only if you let us out."

"Hm_." _Yami Marik seemed to consider. "On one hand, that's against the rules_."_

Without warning, the door exploded inward. Scar yelped in shock and leapt back from the smoldering wood.

Yami Marik stepped through the doorway, looking positively terrifying in the light from the flame. Behind him, the Winged Dragon of Ra loomed, its beak smoking.

"On the other hand," Yami Marik said with a feral grin, "since when have I followed rules?"

* * *

><p>In the midst of all the chaos, one determined litt—<em>miniature<em> Kuriboh sped down the hall.

It knew.

It had seen.

Even the Kuriboh knew that something like that could not be allowed to roam free. It had to put a stop to this.

Now if only it could find its way around the blasted school.

Kuribohs, it seemed, were also directionally challenged.

Kiba bounced around a corner and kept going.

* * *

><p>"Guys," Casey said slowly. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"<p>

"That it's about time we had some freaking lunch?" Jonathan said. "Because I am—"

"No," Casey whispered, leaning in close. "Destiny."

"What about her? She's annoying and has a nice rack."

"I think I know what you're saying," Colonel said slowly.

"What should we do?" Casey said. "All the staff members are out looking for the Sue—even Duke and Serenity are gone—but they've got a whole hoard of Kuribohs guarding the exits."

They looked towards the back of the auditorium, where Kuribohs were stationed all over.

"What we need is a way to distract them," Casey said.

"With what, exactly?" Sea asked.

"Hm," Colonel said. Then, "Does anyone have any lemons?"

"I've got hand lotion," Rena said, digging through her purse. "I stopped using it once I realized how much they all loved it."

Colonel and Casey grinned.

"Perfect," Colonel said. "Now we just need bait."

They all looked at Sea.

Sea looked back and forth between Colonel and the hand lotion.

"Oh, _hell_ no."

* * *

><p>Down in the infirmary, Kokoru Vincent woke up.<p>

"Son of a _bitch!"_


	11. Or Actually Maybe it's Not

**A/N: I'm going out of town tomorrow, so here's an update! But seriously, you guys are lucky I even managed finish editing this tonight, since I kept getting distracted by **_**Homestuck **_**fanfiction. Bluuuh. :P Thanks, Emily. *facedesks***

**Sorry, I'm so late replying to shit. DX**

**Disclaimer: See previous.**

* * *

><p>Technically, it should have been a dark and stormy night.<p>

At least, according to Angel's writer-brain it should have been. Mysteries _always _took place on dark and stormy nights.

As it was, Angel found herself thinking that they really needed to install more lights in this school, since it was actually quite a sunny afternoon, and there was absolutely no reason why they should have been creeping down a dark hallway with only Yami Marik's flashlight beam to save them from running into walls every three minutes.

There was also no reason as to why any single one of them should have been forced to spend any given amount of time with Yami Marik in the first place, but somehow, the laws of the universe had decided to hate them that day, leading to him being the one to find them and get them out of that stupid classroom.

Now, they were totally lost, the flashlight's batteries were about to die, and Angel was absolutely starving because a Kuriboh had eaten half of her breakfast.

Oh, and the Winged Dragon of Ra kept dropping feathers on her head.

She had never really liked birds—and no, she didn't care that this one was a dragon. It looked more like a flying chicken anyway.

Instinctively, Angel looked around. She wondered if the Kuriboh minis could read minds.

Now that she thought about it, though, there weren't any Kuribohs around at all. She wasn't sure whether to count that as a blessing or a curse, so she decided to stick it somewhere in between and group it in there with Facebook and Jehovah's witnesses.

What? The ones in her neighborhood always brought cookies.

In front of her, Scar stumbled, and Yami Marik caught her by the arm.

"Careful," he said, grinning toothily. "We don't want anyone falling behind now."

Angel shuddered and wished for her notebook so that she could write a big, fat HELP on the front page.

No one would be able to see it, but it sure as hell would make her feel better.

At least if she died, someone would know she was trying.

* * *

><p>"Can we just talk about this? Please? I mean, it's only the end of the school, right? Heheh, no big deal. Who cares? I say we all just crawl right back under the seats and—ack! Dammit, Colonel, get that thing away from me! Shit!"<p>

Sea scowled, blinking up through the lemon-scented lotion dripping down her face. "I really think that I should have a say in this. I _am _about to be Kuriboh lunch."

Casey patted her comfortingly on the shoulder. "It's for a good cause, Sea. Plus, you're the most experienced one out of all of us when it comes to being Kuriboh lunch!"

"That is just _so _comforting."

Casey pushed Sea towards the main stage. "Go get 'em, girl."

Sea squeezed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then she climbed up on to the stage and shakily motioned to the others to begin making their escape.

"Ah… excuse me."

The entire auditorium, including the Kuribohs, looked up at her.

"Um… hi," Sea said nervously, looking at Colonel, Rena, Casey, Serena, and Gregory as they crept carefully down the aisles. She noticed them grab a few more people to join their party about halfway towards the doors. So far, so good.

"My name is Sea," she said, focusing back on the microphone as she tried to keep breathing. "And I would just like to tell all of the Kuriboh's in the house that… I… love… lemons!"

As soon as she shouted the last word, she raised her arm in the air, which was the signal for Jonathan, who was sitting back stage at the near controls for the auditorium's heating and cooling, to turn the air conditioning and all of the fans on the ceiling to full blast.

There was an awkward silence from the audience as everything began to whirr to life.

Then the Kuribohs caught a whiff of the lemon scent drifting off of Sea over the artificial air.

Sea braced herself as a swarm of Kuribohs made a beeline for the main stage.

Over the impending furry death, just before the end, she managed a weak smile and a thumbs-up at her friends in the back.

"She died a hero," Casey whispered.

They slipped out the doors unnoticed

* * *

><p>"Okay," Casey said once they were outside. "Ebony, Fleur, and Krystal, take the north wing. Chrys ,Luca, Leran, and Colonel, search the south—there are four of you because it's the biggest, but it's closest to that big portal to the Shadow Realm that Yami Marik opened in the cafeteria the other day, so try and be careful with that. Don't let Zorc trick you into a game of poker, you'll definitely lose. Gregory, Stephanie, and Serena, you guys go east, and me, Eliza, and Rena will go west. Sound good?"<p>

Everyone nodded.

"Great," Casey said. "Look for the Sue, and keep an eye out for where they might be holding all of the others." She took a deep breath. "We can do this."

"What do we do if we meet the Sue?" Rena asked.

Casey shrugged. "I don't know, I hadn't gotten that far yet."

"Tackle her?" Gregory suggested.

"Sure, that works."

"Okay, we good? Then let's go!"

"Wait!" Chrys said.

"What now?"

"My shoe's untied."

"Oh… "

"Sorry."

"It's okay. You good now?"

"Yep. Damn laces."

"Okay! Let's go!"

* * *

><p>"Yami?"<p>

"Yes, Yugi?"

"Okay, I'm going to say something really, really, obvious here, so please don't get mad at me."

"What is it?"

"Searching for the Mary-Sue inside of an abandoned supply closet—especially one that happens to lock from the outside—was a really stupid idea."

"Do you think so?"

"Yep."

"Maybe I can pick the lock with one of my Duel Monsters cards."

"Yami?"

"Yes?"

"Give it up."

* * *

><p>"Man, it sure is dark," Fleur said as they wandered down the halls. "We should have brought a flashlight."<p>

Suddenly, a narrow beam of white-blue light hit her in the face.

"Ack! What the—?"

Ebony grinned, holding up her glowing cell phone. "What was that again?"

"Ebony, your technology addiction actually came in handy for once."

They continued walking.

"Dammit, I don't even know what we're supposed to be looking for," Krystal said eventually. "I mean, seriously. How the heck are we supposed to find a Sue? Can't they do whatever they want? If she doesn't want to be found, what the heck are we supposed to do?"

"Keep wandering until we find something, I guess," Ebony said, holding her phone higher and peering into the darkness. "I don't know—"

She stopped abruptly, squinting. "What is _that?"_

Krystal and Fleur looked towards where she was pointing?

"The hell?"

* * *

><p>"Of course Casey sends us off to find the Shadow Realm," Colonel said, rolling his eyes as they shoved open the doors to the cafeteria.<p>

He had to admit, it was a little depressing without all of the flying food.

"There's the portal," Luca said, pointing.

"Do you _really _think the Mary-Sue would try and hide in there?" Leran whined. "Because I don't exactly want to go traipsing through the Shadow Realm right now."

"It's always a possibility," Chrys said.

"Bollocks," Colonel said with a sigh. "Into the lion's den, I guess."

"Well, technically it's not—"

"Figure of speech, Luca."

They stared into the portal. Purple smoke billowed out and swirled about their feet, seeming to pull on their legs.

It was not exactly inviting.

Chrys gave Colonel a shove. "In you go."

"Ladies first," Colonel said.

To everyone's surprise, Luca pushed past both of them, grabbed their hands, hooked her arm around Leran's, and stepped boldly through the portal.

They stumbled through, coughing on the smoke and gaping at Luca.

She shrugged sheepishly. "What? Someone had to do it."

"I can't believe you—"

Colonel was cut short by a loud tear.

They looked down at their feet , where the ground had completely split in half.

"Fuck."

They fell.

* * *

><p>Kiba zoomed down the hall, straight towards the bright light at the end. It had always heard that you <em>shouldn't <em>go for the light at the end of the tunnel, but this could probably count as an exception.

It barreled into the girl that had been pointing at it a minute ago, knocking the light out of her hand and bouncing impatiently up and down on her chest.

"Gah! What's on me? Help!"

"Relax, it's just a Kuriboh," one of the other girls said, picking Kiba up.

Kiba squirmed impatiently out of her hands and zoomed around their heads.

"Whoa, slow down. What are you trying to tell us?"

Kiba stopped spinning and spotted a map hanging on the wall. It ran into it head first. Directions! It needed directions back to Casey so it could tell her what it saw!

Telling anyone else didn't even occur to it.

Kuribohs weren't exactly the smartest monsters in the deck.

One of the girls watched it spin around above them. "Um… you need to go outside? There's a fire? Little Timmy's stuck in a well?"

If Pegasus had blessed it with hands that reached its face, Kiba would have facepalmed.

As it was, it could only bite down hard on the one fangirl's sleeve and drag her down the hall towards where it had witnessed the Sue earlier that morning.

The other two followed in bemusement, trying to keep up with the speedy little Kuriboh.

Mini. Mini Kuriboh.

No one really wanted to get eaten here, after all—and anyway, Kiba didn't have time for a snack.

It was on a mission.

* * *

><p>"Dammit, Luca, look what you did now!"<p>

"Calm down, it's not her fault."

"She's the one that dragged us in here!"

"I was just trying to help. And anyway, I don't see _you _offering any brilliant suggestions."

"Stop it, guys. Chrys is right, it's not Luca's fault. And I think that before we start arguing about what to do, we should find a light. It's pitch black down here."

"My cellphone isn't working. I think that Shadow Realm's sucking all the battery out of it."

"YES, WELL, WE'RE WORKING ON FINDING A MORE EFFICIENT ENERGY SOURCE. SHADOW ENERGY TENDS TO GET QUITE EXPENSIVE AFTER A WHILE. THE EGYPTIAN GODS KEEP HIKING THE PRICES UP."

"Well, when you're the only supplier, I guess you can—_holy mother of fuck!"_

"WHY IS THAT THE ONLY REACTION I EVER GET OUT OF YOU BRATS? A NICE, 'HOW'S THE WEATHER DOWN IN THIS PIT OF DESPAIR TREATING YOU' WOULDN'T BE TOO HARD, WOULD IT?"

"And this is why I didn't want to go in here. But does anyone listen to me? Nooo."

"Shut up, Colonel."

* * *

><p>"<em>Is everything going according to plan?"<em>

"Yes, sir. I, like, totally got this."

"_Do not get overconfident. It is always the downfall of your kind."_

"'Kay. When do I get paid for this?"

"_When your job is complete. Have you planted the virus?"_

"Yeah. It was so easy. So does this mean I can sit back and chill now and let you people do your thing? I'm getting tired of this. I was thinking about maybe being a ninja for a while—after I get married, of course. Speaking of which, how's that coming?"

"_Your services are no longer required. Your job now is to hide. Make yourself go unnoticed. As for you other question… that will be revealed when the time comes."_

"As long as you get him to love me. We're going to have the greatest wedding ever, and my dress is going to be the most beautiful thing you have ever—"

Beeeep.

"Ugh! Well, _that _was rude! The nerve of some people."

She snapped her phone shut. "Time to hide, I guess." She yawned into her perfectly manicured hand.

"Too easy," she said happily as she made her way out of the bathroom she had snuck into to make the phone call.

The floor was still soaked, since she accidently clogged the sink it with Glitter when she was brushing her hair out in front of the mirror hanging over it, but it didn't matter to her damage-proof heels. And it was a really convenient hideout.

Now, technically, she was supposed to be hiding…

But where was the fun in that?

* * *

><p>"Sea? Sea, wake up!"<p>

Sea groaned and clutched at her head. "Ugh, where am I?"

"You're in the auditorium," Jonathan said, helping her sit up.

"But… didn't I get eaten by a Kuriboh?"

"Technically," Jonathan said, pointing to one very sick-looking Kuriboh. "That guy right there got you. But it didn't take very long for him to cough you up."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Apparently they're allergic to lotion."

Sea stared at the Kuriboh. Then she laughed, long and hard.

"Suck on that, _little Kuriboh!"_

The Kuriboh glared weakly at her. A couple of others looked up, too.

"Uh, Sea?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't push your luck."

* * *

><p>"Hey! Hey, you! Nurse lady… uh… Mana, right? Yeah, Mana, I need to—"<p>

Kokoru was interrupted by a thermometer being shoved into her mouth.

"Mrr!"

Mana tisked, stepping back. "You need to calm down. You've been dead for almost an entire week, young lady! That takes a lot out of you, trust me. They left me to monitor your vitals, so I would know. And the whole waking-up process is no fun either—but you know that, you went through it. Didn't it suck? They told me all about what you had to do and I kind of thought it was funny, because hey, you're a fanbrat, we all laugh at you, but then I thought that that wasn't very nice of me, so I got you a Kuriboh pushie—see, it's right there on your bed, isn't he cute?—to try and make up for it, and—put that thermometer back in your mouth or I will—"

"Shut up and listen!" Kokoru said. "I need to see Eggy or somebody on the staff right away.I know who—mmph!"

"There," Mana said. "Now leave that in or I will tape it to your mouth."

Kokoru tried to yank the thermometer out, but suddenly found that it wouldn't budge.

"Ha," Mana said, twirling a roll of duct tape like a gunslinger. "Magical tape, kiddo. Works every time."

Kokoru groaned and pounded her pillow in frustration.

* * *

><p>"Okay," Casey said. "Let's go left."<p>

"We went left last time," Eliza pointed out.

"Well then… how about right?"

"You have no idea where you're going, do you?"

Casey frowned. "Hey, why don't you try being in charge of the map for a while and see how you like—"

"Hey, guys?" Rena said. "Is it just me, or is the girl's bathroom leaking pink?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

Rena pointed to the bathroom door. Oozing out from under it was sparkly pink puddle, inching precariously close to their feet.

Casey leapt back. "Eek! I don't want Mary-Sue gunk on my shoes!"

Eliza walked up to it and poked it hesitantly with her foot. It dissolved part of her sneaker.

"Wow," Casey said.

"I heard some of the teachers talking about it the other day on my way to lunch," Rena said. "I think that's Glitter."

"What, now?"

Rena quickly filled them in on the properties of Glitter. "I didn't know it could dissolve shoes, though," she said.

"I'll bet this is where the Mary-Sue has been hiding out," Casey said. "It would explain why the place is so saturated in this shit."

"So, what do we do?" Eliza asked. "Just waltz in there and get melted?"

"Hm," Casey said. She stepped carefully around the puddle and reached out to grab the bathroom door's handle.

They peered inside. There was a small stream of Glitter water running from the base of the sink—seemingly the source of the leak.

"Well, the whole floor isn't covered," Casey said, stepping gingerly inside.

"Careful," Rena said. "I wouldn't get too close to that sink if I were you."

"Man, what kind of slacking have the janitors been doing?" Eliza asked, following Casey in.

"I'm pretty sure that the janitors are a bunch of Duel Monsters, so they probably kind of suck," Rena said.

"They could have at least got a mop in here," Eliza grumbled.

"Hey, guys, check this out," Casey said. She pointed at pink bag in the corner. "I think it's the Sue's shit."

They looked into the bag. "Jesus, Destiny," Eliza said. "What kind of crap do you carry around?"

"Lipstick," Casey said. "Last month's addition of _Cosmo_… what the heck? What does she have a flash drive for?"

"Eggy said the Sue had gotten into the security system!" Rena said. "Maybe the virus is on this thing!"

They all looked at it. "It's kind of tiny," Casey said.

"And pink," Eliza added.

"And pink."

"Size matters not," Rena pointed out.

Casey gaped at her. "Closet _Star Wars_ fan?"

Rena blushed. "Family thing."

"We have to get this to Kaiba," Eliza said, taking the flash drive from Casey and pocketing it. "Maybe it'll help him get the system back up."

"Okay, great, but how are we supposed to _find_ Kaiba?"

"He's probably in his classroom," Casey said, getting to her feet and pulling the other two up with her. "Careful, Rena, the puddle's right behind you."

"I wonder why it's so acidic," Rena said.

"Who cares?" Eliza said. "Let's just get out of here before the fumes get to our heads and we all become Sues.

They shuddered. No one ever intended to be a Sue… but sometimes things happened.

Casey wondered how Destiny had become a Sue.

Then she realized that she didn't really care as long as she got to punch her in the face at least once before someone carted her away.

"Come on, guys," Rena said. "I really don't want to be around if the Sue comes back."

They left the bathroom. Casey threw one more nervous glance at the growing Glitter puddle before following the other two down the hall.

"Keep your eyes out for Destiny," Eliza said. "I wouldn't put it past her to jump out at us from some dark corner. Sues have no integrity."

Rena groaned. "I'm pretty sure you just invoked Murphy's law, Eliza."

"'Anything that can go wrong will go wrong?'"

"Oh, so that's what that is," Destiny said, dropping down from the ceiling. "I always wondered. Well, not really, but that's okay. Oh, and I'm totally going to kick your butts now, be-tee-dubs."

Casey punched Eliza in the arm. "Way to go, bro."

"Um. Oops. My bad?"

Destiny grinned.

* * *

><p>Kaiba officially hated the color pink.<p>

It swam in front of his eyes as he tried yet again to delete the Sue's virus, taunting him with his own failure and mocking him into pounding more furiously at the keys in an attempt to just _get it the fuck off _of his laptop already.

"Mokuba," he said, not taking his eyes off the stupid pink lines traveling up his screen, "any news?"

"None," Mokuba said, darting back into the room. "No one's seen or heard anything about the Sue. I just ran into Joey, though, and he said that they totally lost track of Yami and Yugi."

"And?"

"Well, those guys _are _pretty good at saving everyone's behinds, Seto."

"This has nothing to do with their stupid, hokey magic," Kaiba said. "But it does have to do with our security system—a system that I designed myself, therefore meaning that it should have been impossible to penetrate—and I intend to get to the bottom of this. So Yami and Yugi can pretty much just shove it."

"Um. Seto?"

"Yes?"

"How much coffee have you had?"

"Not enough, Mokuba. Not nearly enough."

Suddenly, Mokuba was bowled over by a speeding puffball dragging three girls behind it.

Kaiba leapt out of his seat instinctively, sighing automatically in relief as Mokuba stood up and dusted himself off.

"What is this?" Kaiba snapped, glaring at the Kuriboh spinning wildly above his head. "You're supposed to be in the auditorium. It isn't safe for anyone out here right now. What do you think you're doing?"

"We're sorry," the one girl gasped, practically doubled over as she tried to catch her breath. Kuribohs could be pretty fast. "But we think we figured out who the Sue is, and we—"

"Who is it?" Kaiba interrupted hurriedly. "Is it a student?"

"Destiny Love," one of the girls said. "At least, we think. It makes sense."

"We should tell the others," Mokuba said. "I'll go and—"

"No," Kaiba said, looking up at the speeding Kuriboh. "Kiba!"

Kiba stopped zooming and looked at him.

"Kiba?" one of the girls whispered. "Isn't that the one that attached itself to Casey?"

"Kiba, you need to go and find the first member of the staff you see and relay this message." Kaiba wrote something down on a slip of paper and handed it to the Kuriboh; it ate it happily and belched.

Kaiba handed it another paper. "This one needs to go to Zigfried von Schroeder. Understood?"

Kiba bounced affirmatively, glad that it was at least able to do _something._

"Good. Get going."

Kiba sped out the door.

Kaiba looked at the three fangirls standing awkwardly in the corner.

"Don't go anywhere."

"Where would we go?" Fleur mumbled to herself as Kaiba turned and promptly began ignoring them.

* * *

><p>"So," Destiny said. "You figured out my secret identity."<p>

"Not so secret," Casey scoffed. "I mean, you're totally obvious."

"Which is why it took you so long to figure it out."

"Shut up, Sue."

Destiny's expression darkened. "That's not my name."

"It might as well be," Rena said. "You're an attention hog, you think you're perfect—you killed my roommate, for god's sake!"

"That doesn't prove anything," Destiny said. "I'm doing the right thing."

"Oh, here we go," Eliza said, rolling her eyes. "Can we just tackle her already and skip the speech?"

Destiny frowned.

Casey saw her coming first. "Oh, balls."

Then Destiny punched her in the face.

* * *

><p>It was not every day that Zigfried von Shroeder found himself being attacked by a Kuriboh.<p>

"Watch the hair!" he said as it bounced around his head. "What? What do you want?"

The Kuriboh started retching.

"Oh, dear, not by my shoes…"

The Kuriboh coughed up a piece of paper. It fluttered to the floor—dropped, really, since it seemed to be covered in Kuriboh spit—and the Kuriboh followed it, nudging it anxiously towards Ziegfried.

Ziegfried looked at it. "You are joking."

The Kuriboh frowened.

Ziegfried sighed in resignation and bent down to pick up the paper, holding it gingerly away from his suit with two fingers.

_Von whoever the hell you are,_

_Follow this Kuriboh back the way it came. There are certain things pertaining to computers that we need to discuss._

_Don't think this means I like you._

_-Kaiba_

Ziegfried chuckled. "So, he is finally admitting that he needs my help. Very well, small Kuriboh. I shall follow you back to _heir_ Kaiba's room."

The Kuriboh seemed to raise an eyebrow.

"Oh, not like that, you overblown puffball. Just lead the way."

Honestly. Those Kuribohs really needed to be kept in check.

* * *

><p>Casey gasped and clamored to her feet. "Rena, look out!"<p>

Rena shrieked and dropped to the floor as Destiny lunged for her.

"Rena! Shit, she's got a knife!"

"Oh, no you don't, bitch!"

CLANG!

Destiny collapsed to the floor. Eggy stood behind her, wielding a frying pan threateningly. Roland wasn't far behind, gasping for breath as he caught up. "Are you girls all right?"

"Yeah," Casey said, touching her nose. Her fingers came away bloody. "Ow. Dat's going da hurd in da mording."

"Looks like hurts now," Eggy said, lowering her frying pan slightly .

"What's with the…" Rena said, gesturing.

"Oh, this?" Eggy said, looking at her frying pan and grinning. "Rule of fiction, dude. Frying pan always wins."

"What are we going to do with that?" Eliza said, pointing at Destiny.

"Hm," Eggy said. She looked at Casey. "Well, this kid needs to see the nurse anyway, so… let's take her to the infirmary. We can tie her to a cot or something. Roland, do you mind?"

Roland sighed and hefted the Sue onto his shoulder.

"Awesome."

"How did you find us?" Rena asked as they walked.

"Oh, we got stopped by a mini Kuriboh." Eggy pulled a slightly-sticky note out of her pocket. "Apparently, a couple of other students figured out who the Sue was and told Kaiba. I guess he just had Kiba—"

"Kiba!" Casey said. "Is he oday?"

"He's fine," Eggy said. "Just really excited. I think he was getting sick of our incompetence. Oh, here's the infirmary."

"—and so I told him, 'No way, kid, get back to class, I totally know fake puke when I see it, and—" Mana stopped talking in surprise as they trooped through the door.

"Oh, hey, Eggy. What are you—?"

"Kokoru!" Rena screamed, launching herself at the bed.

"Mmmf! Rmm, mm mmmf—"

"Uh, Mana?" Eggy said, pointing at the magical duct tape on Kokoru's mouth.

"Oh! Sorry, I was just trying to keep the thermometer in. I guess I forgot to take it off, haha…" Mana flicked her wrist, causing the duct tape to tear itself off of Kokoru's mouth.

"Jesus H. Christ!" Kokoru shouted, slapping a hand over her mouth. "Ow! Dammit, woman!"

She caught sight of Roland, standing awkwardly with Destiny draped over his shoulder. "Oh. I guess you figured it out, then."

She looked around and finally seemed to notice Rena clinging to her. "Uh. Bro?"

"Shut up," Rena said, burying her head in Kokoru's shoulder. "Just shut up and don't talk, you stupid… stupid… oh my gosh, I'm so glad you're okay!"

Kokoru patted her on the head, somewhat bemused. "Um, thanks, I think?"

Roland cleared his throat. "Sorry to interrupt," he said, "but what should I do with—?"

"Oh, just dump her on that bed," Mana said, waving her hand. She tossed him the roll of magical tape. "Tie her up with this."

As Roland complied, Eggy twirled her frying pan around thoughtfully. "We're going to have to let the rest of the staff know that we caught the Sue… but with the power out, we can't really use the intercom."

"We'll have to wait until Kaiba fixes the system, then," Casey said.

Eggy slapped her forehead. "Duh, I completely forgot that the virus is still nomming on our security. I have to tell the headmaster!"

"Where _is _the headmaster?" Rena asked, looking up from Kokoru's shoulder. She realized that she was still clinging to her and blushed, pushing herself off of the bed and standing awkwardly with her hands in her pockets.

"God only knows," Eggy said. "It's not like he ever does anything to help me run this damn place." She sighed. "Roland, you done?"

"Yes," Roland said, handing Mana her tape back. "Are we going to see the headmaster?"

"Might as well," Eggy said.

"Who's the headmaster, anyway?" Kokoru asked.

"Erm…" Eggy frowned. "Weeeell, technically I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you all kind of helped save the school—which is totally against the rules, so it shouldn't get you any privileges, but at least we're not dead—but it's Kazuki Takahashi."

"Who?"

"Isn't that the guy who created _Yu-Gi-Oh!_?" Casey asked, remembering the Canon 101 introductory test that she had completely bombed.

"Yeah, that guy," Eggy said. "But he just sits in his office all day." She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I should probably go fill him in. Maybe he'll have something useful to say. Later, fanbrats."

Eggy and Roland started out the door, but Casey called, "Wait!"

Eggy poked her head back into the room. "What?"

"Uh… our friends are kind of still out roaming the school," Casey said sheepishly. "If you see them, could you please give them a heads-up?"

"I'll do you one better," Eggy said. "Mana, can you open up a portal to the Shadow Realm in here?"

"Sure," Mana said, pulling out her spell book. "Uh… let's see here… got it!"

There was a tearing noise, and Colonel, Chrys, Luca and Leran tumbled out of the new Shadow portal and onto the infirmary's linoleum.

Casey gaped. "How did you know where they—?"

"We keep track of all the people coming and going through the Shadow Realm," Eggy said. "It makes it a lot harder for certain people to hide when they do something wrong." She muttered what sounded suspiciously like "Bakura" and "summer homes" under her breath. "I gotta run. Catch you later!"

"What about the others?" Colonel asked from the floor. "Who else is still out there?"

"Ebony, Fleur, Krystal, Gregory, Stephanie, and Serena," Casey said, counting on her fingers. "Plus whoever's still be held for questioning."

"Hopefully their searching went better than ours did," Colonel mumbled, wincing and getting to his knees.

"What happened to you, anyway?"

"Someone decided that it was a good idea to search the Shadow Realm for Sues," Colonel said.

"Yeah, that would be you," Leran said.

"Who are you?" Kokoru asked, pointing at Colonel.

"Oh, that's Colonel," Casey said. "I met him in the library once. He did my homework."

Kokoru eyed him carefully. "Hm… say something."

"Um," Colonel said.

"He's British?

"Yes, I am," Colonel said.

"'Kay, you can stay." Kokoru settled herself back down into her pillows. "Tell me more about the Shadow Realm."

"We ran into Zorc," Luca said, shuddering. "Ugh."

"He has very strong opinions on the relationship status of Snookie," Chrys said thoughtfully.

"Damn," Kokoru said from the bed. "How much did I miss while I was off being dead?"

Everyone else looked at each other. "It might take some time to go over it all," Casey said.

Kokoru gestured widely at the paper gown she was wearing and the bed sheets tucked firmly around her waist. "Does it look like I'm going anywhere? Start wherever, but don't leave out anything good."

Everyone else sat down on the floor and took turns telling Kokoru about the week.

She was particularly amused by Grammar Boot Camp.

"Man, I'm so glad I died," she cackled.

Rena threw a pillow at her.

Casey sighed contentedly. She had missed normal life.

"Hey, gimme back my Cheetos!"

"How the heck did you get Cheetos into the infirmary?"

"Dude, I've been dead for a week. I'm hungry enough to smuggle any_thing _any_where. _Speaking of which, did you know we have a black market?"

"Casey! Stop staring off into space and tell me in great detail what Colonel's face looked like when you told him you had a pet Kuriboh."

Well. As normal as anything actually could get at OYGOFU.


	12. All's Fine That Ends Sort of Okay

**A/N: I am sick as shit right now, so you get an update that was supposed to happen on Thursday. XD**

**ALSO, HEY, READ THIS! If you sent in a character between now and the previous update, I did recieve him/her/it, but he/she/it won't be introduced until next semester out of necessity for my sanity. He/she/it is currently being saved in a file on my computer labeled "second sememster" so that I won't forget (but I will probably end up asking you to send me a PM or something when that time rolls around just reminding me that you sent someone in, because I have the worst memory ever.) ALSO for the sake of my sanity, PLEASE don't send in any more characters right now. I will gladly take any and all submissions you want to throw at me for semester number two when the time rolls around, but right now it's hard to keep track of the random ones coming in. So, wait 'till I give you the "OK," okay? :) Thank you!**

**WOW, that was a long A/N. XD Sorry. Read, now!**

**Disclaimer: Do I even need this? Really? I mean, uh, see previous. I also don't own anything owned by the PPC. Because, you know. They own it.**

* * *

><p>"There," Zigfried said, stepping back from Noa's computer. "That should do it."<p>

Kaiba scowled and watched as the computer restarted itself and slowly began to blink back to life. Noa's face appeared on the screen once more.

"Are you okay?" Mokuba asked him immediately, angling to screen so that he could see better and make sure that nothing totally important was missing from Noa's face.

Not that it would actually _hurt _Noa, but still. It would be really freaky to look at if his nose was cut out or something.

"I'm all right," Noa said. "I'm running a system reboot right now. The virus is being wiped from the network as we speak."

"As soon as you're finished, I want to get started on a new security program," Zigfried said. "The old one was obviously lacking."

"Watch it," Kaiba growled, pulling his own computer towards him and beginning to methodically check all of his files.

"I'm just saying," Zigfried said, shrugging smoothly. "We don't want another attack, do we?"

"Let's just focus on getting the power back on, okay?" Mokuba said hastily. "I'm going to run and check out the generators."

"Be careful," Kaiba said automatically.

"Sure, Seto."

Zigfried watched the exchange silently. "Well, how touching."

"Shut up and do something useful," Kaiba said.

"Like re-working your security system?"

"I kicked your ass once. Don't make me do it again."

Over in the corner, forgotten for the most part, Krystal, Fleur, and Ebony sat on the floor and tried to not think about whether or not their friends were being turned into Mary-Sue target-practice.

"This sucks," Krystal said. "I wish we could be doing something productive."

"Well, we made a list of all the reasons why Destiny could be the Sue," Ebony pointed out. "In case no one believes us."

"What do we have so far?" Fleur asked disinterestedly, drawing patterns in the dust on the floor. She thought that her Kuriboh looked pretty good. Except for the part where it didn't really look much like a Kuriboh.

Ebony picked up the list that they had written up on a spare piece of paper Kaiba had lying around.

"_Abnormally pretty," _she read. "_Stupid. Convinced that she's married to the Thief King. Random disappearances… _" She sighed. "Guys, this list is pointless. None of this could really count as evidence."

"She's good," Fleur said. "At hiding her identity, at least. But she _has _to be the Sue."

"Does she really?" Ebony asked. "I mean… maybe she's just a really nice girl who's getting a bad rap."

"Look!" Fleur said. "She's already gotten to you!"

Ebony still looked doubtful.

Krystal laid a hand on her shoulder. "Ebony. Don't you think Destiny is annoying? And does she have any faults? Any at all?"

"She's afraid of spiders," Ebony said. "And being stupid really isn't a crime…"

"Crap," Fleur said. "She's fallen."

Ebony scowled. "Look, just because you don't like Destiny doesn't mean she's a Mary-Sue! I actually think she's nice. And really pretty. And her OC is the best, I mean, really. The Thief Queen? No one has _ever _done that before! You're just jealous because you're not as original as Destiny."

Fleur and Krystal looked at each other.

"Crap," Fleur said again.

* * *

><p>"Follow the yellow brick road," Gregory hummed. "Follow the yellow brick road. Follow the, follow the, follow the, follow the, follow the yellow—"<p>

"Would you shut up?" Serena muttered.

"Well, I could," Gregory said, sinking through the floor and popping up behind her, making her shriek. "Or I could not."

"Would you two cut it out?" Stephanie said, peering at the map. "We've been wandering around here forever, and you are not helping me read this dumb thing."

"Why do we even have maps if none of them work?" Serena asked, leaning up against the wall. "Man, I'm tired. And hungry. When's lunch?"

"Is that really all you can think about right now?" Gregory asked. "Food?"

Serena glared at him. "Easy for you to say—you don't even have a stomach!"

Gregory looked affronted.

"Guys, please," Stephanie said, turning the map over. "Maybe it's upside down…"

Serena groaned and Gregory started to hum again.

"I think we need to go left… or maybe it's right…."

"Or maybe you're going the wrong way entirely," someone said, "and you actually need to go backwards."

Stephanie snapped her eyes up from the map and yelped in surprise as she came face-to-face with Yami Marik.

Yami Marik threw back his head and laughed.

Angel, Aurora, Ryan, and Scar peered around his cape.

"Hey, there," Scar said, waving weakly. "How was your day?"

"Better than yours, I'm assuming," Stephanie said, still somewhat shocked, staring at Yami Marik.

He smiled at her. "See something interesting?"

"Nope. Nothing at all."

Yami Marik pulled out his Millennium Rod and twirled it thoughtfully. "Hm. Well, fancy that."

"Vhat?" Aurora asked hesitantly.

"It seems they've found the Sue."

"What? How do you know?" Serena asked.

Yami Marik just grinned.

"I don't know how he does it," Scar whispered. "But I'm pretty sure it usually works out better for your _eternal soul _if you don't ask."

Yami Marik laughed his crazy person laugh again.

Stephanie dropped her map and hid behind Gregory.

It didn't work so well, since he was kind of transparent.

"Come along, fanbrats," Marik said suddenly. "There's a Shadow portal open and waiting for us."

He tore through the air with his Rod, creating a portal, and held out his hand. "After you."

The students filed nervously through, glancing at each other in fear.

Better to walk right into _maybe_ death than disobey Yami Marik and face _certain _death.

It was kind of a lose-lose situation.

Yami Marik shrugged and followed them into the portal. Really, what had they been expecting?

Probably shirtless people.

He sighed, shaking his head. Some things never changed.

* * *

><p>"<em>It's been a really, really messed up week!"<em> Casey sang. _"Seven days of torture, seven days of bitter~!"_

"Are we really singing Hot Chelle Rae now?" Kokoru asked. "Because I have something to say to that."

Casey stopped singing. "Well, it's not like we really have anything else to do," she pointed out. "I mean, we pretty much did our, part, so… "

"So we still don't have to sing!"

Kokoru was saved from listening to Casey's response (something about Zach Galifianakis) by eight people tumbling out of the Shadow portal above her head and onto her lap.

"Oops," Yami Marik said, climbing off of the pile of groaning students. "Looks like it moved."

He surveyed the scene. "Hm. I could stay and kill you all…."

Rena and Luca cowered, clutching each other tightly.

"… But I don't really feel like it." Yami Marik tucked his Rod back into his belt loop and waved. "Goodbye, fanbrats!"

They all watched him (minus the students trying to untangle themselves) walk out the door and slam it shut behind him.

"What," Casey said, summing up pretty much everyone's thoughts, "the fuck."

"Did he just lock us in here?"

"With—oh my god, is that the Sue?"

"… Oh, balls."

"What do we do if she wakes up?" Serena asked.

"We use the power of friendship to fight her back!" Rena said enthusiastically.

"Or," Kokoru said, pointing to the frying pan that Eggy had left lying on the floor. "We could use that."

"Oh. That works, too."

"…So. Anyone want to play strip Duel-Monsters?"

"Kokoru?"

"Yeah?"

"Just… I almost forgot what it felt like to not have you around."

"And?"

"Can't say I'm going to miss the feeling."

"Aw, that's sweet, Ren."

"Don't push your luck. And don't call me that!"

"Sing along time!" Casey and Gregory shouted. "_You know, I really got a thing for American guys—!"_

"Shut up!" everyone yelled.

Gregory grinned. "But it's true."

"You know it, bitch," Casey said.

Kokoru stared at the ceiling. "Can I be dead again?"

"It could be arranged," Colonel said.

"Man, just when I thought we were all going to survive," Leran sighed.

Luca patted her on the shoulder. "I still have my cards, you know."

"… Got any Kuribohs?"

"Maybe."

"You're so on."

* * *

><p>"I can't believe I'm going to die in a supply closet."<p>

"Look on the bright side: at least you can't be attacked by any fangirls in here."

"Gee, real comforting."

"I try."

Sea sighed and picked at a piece of lint on her shirt. "How long do you think we've been here?" she asked Jonathan.

"Who knows?" Jonathan said, pulling the stage's curtain back and looking out at the auditorium seats. Students were milling about and talking, mostly about how bored, hungry, and tired they all were.

Jonathan couldn't help but agree with them. This was getting ridiculous.

"They'd better find that Sue soon," he said, letting the curtain fall back into place. "I'm really getting sick of hanging out back here. It smells like Kuriboh puke."

"Sorry."

"Eh, not your fault. Damn things should know not to eat shit they're allergic to."

"Amen."

* * *

><p>Thankfully for those still hanging around in the infirmary, Destiny didn't seem to be waking up any time soon.<p>

"Yeah…" Mana said when asked. "Uh… I may have drugged her? Like, a little bit?"

No one really cared enough to ask.

They _did _care enough about lunch, though, to try and get out of the room.

"Ugh," Casey groaned. "I can't believe we went through all of that just to die of starvation."

"We can always eat pills," Ryan said.

"Um, dude? No we can't."

Ryan shrugged. "I can."

"Well, whoop-de –freaking-do for you. That doesn't really help the rest of us."

Kokoru had detangled herself from the sheets and was drawing all over Scar's face with a marker. (Scar couldn't really do anything, as she was in her Weeping Angel mode and was currently made of rock.) "We could always eat Rena," she said.

"Hey!"

"Kidding, sheesh."

"At least the sing-along finally stopped," Eliza whispered to Serena. "I never thought I'd get sick of 'Not Afraid,' but it has happened. I officially _dislike _an Eminem song." She sighed. "Look what you people have brought me to."

"I never liked Eminem," Aurora said. "I like my music to be _deep _and _meaningful."_

"Shove it, sparklepire."

Aurora looked offended. "I do not _sparkle."_

"Oh yeah?"

"Vell… maybe a little. But only in certain lighting. Like fluorescents."

"Okay, this is stupid," Colonel said. "Why don't we do something to pass the time? Anyone want to recite trigonometry formulas?"

Everyone else just looked at him.

Colonel shrugged. "Oh well. It was worth a shot."

Luca and Leran looked up from their game of Duel Monsters Go Fish. "How about 'Truth or Dare?'" Leran suggested.

Gregory groaned. "Oh, hell n—"

"Oh, hell yes!" Casey whooped. "Circle up, everybody!"

For some reason, they all complied.

It probably had to do with the fact that they were about to drop dead from boredom or start gnawing their own legs.

Either that, or they all had some kind of subconscious desire to admit stupid secrets and perform dumb or possibly life-threatening dares.

They were technically in an infirmary, so if anyone got hurt, they wouldn't have to worry.

Well, they'd have to worry about Mana talking their ears off again. But that was it.

Gregory rather valued his ears, though. He was just glad that they hadn't stopped working after he'd kicked it.

"Greg, stop looking like someone ate your cat and get your dead ass over here!"

"Can we stop talking about food, please?"

"Only if you take the first question, Casey."

"No problem, bro."

And thus began the game of Truth or Dare.

It was only a matter of time, after all.

They were a bunch of teenagers with nothing better to do.

It was bound to happen someday.

* * *

><p>"What do you think we should do with her?" Fleur asked Krystal, pointing to where Ebony was drawing thick black lines over their list.<p>

"I don't know," Krystal said. "There's gotta be an antidote for Sues somewhere, right?"

"Maybe Kaiba knows."

"Maybe I know what?" Kaiba asked from his desk.

"Uh." Krystal glanced at Ebony again, then approached Kaiba. "We think Ebony's been contaminated by the Sue."

Kaiba looked over Krystal's shoulder. "Which one's Ebony?"

Fleur pointed.

"You," Kaiba called to her. "What's your opinion on Destiny Love?"

"I want her to be my bestest friend in the whole wide world and have my babi—"

"Take her to the infirmary," Kaiba said. "There's a good chance she has Sueicosis."

"Sueiwhatnow?"

"Sueicosis," Kaiba said with the air of being extremely sick of having to explain things to stupid people. "It comes from inhaling large glitter quantities."

"But… we never inhaled any glitter."

Fleur gasped. "But Ebony might have! She's Destiny's roommate!"

"It's possible," Kaiba said. "Symptoms of Sueicosis include shortness of breath and sensitivity to fangirling."

"How do we cure her?"

"There was an agent in the Eclectic Subdivision of Advanced Species division of the PPC—that's Protectors of the Plot Continuum—who developed a version of Anti-Lustin that can be taken as a medication."

"What's Anti-Lustin?"

"Honestly, don't they teach you _anything _here?"

"Well, we've been a little busy."

"Anti-Lustin is a medication used to reduce feelings of sexual desire."

Krystal giggled.

"Oh, grow up," Kaiba said, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry," Krystal said.

"Take her down to the infirmary," Kaiba said, waving a hand. "See what Mana can do for you. Now go away, I'm busy."

Krystal explained the situation to Fleur, and they grabbed Ebony by the arms and started to haul her down to the infirmary. She couldn't walk by herself, as she was just now beginning to experience the whole "shortness of breath" thing.

"The things we do for you," Krystal muttered to Ebony as they shouldered their way out the door.

"Is Destiny in the infirmary?" Ebony gasped.

Krystal resisted the urge to drop her.

* * *

><p>"Knock, knock."<p>

"Who's there?"

"Sea."

"Sea who?"

"You don't remember me? We've been sitting backstage together for hours, sheesh."

"Ha, ha," Jonathan said.

Sea sighed. "Sorry. I used up all my good jokes half an hour ago."

"It's been longer than that, Sea."

Sea laughed weakly. "See, now that one was good."

"Not really."

"Any port in a storm, bro."

Jonathan kicked his heels up onto one of the plastic chairs they had found. "Do you want to go back out into the auditorium yet?"

Sea looked nervous. "Not really. I'm kind of afraid."

"Of what?"

"The Kuribohs I pissed off earlier."

"Oh, come on. I'm sure they're over it by—"

"Jonathan."

"Yeah?"

"The one on your head doesn't look like he's over anything."

Sea dissolved into a fit of laughter as Jonathan leapt out of his seat and started pawing at his head. "Got you!"

Jonathan stopped jumping around and glared. "Not funny."

Sea shrugged. "Any port in a—"

"Yeah, yeah. Help me find my heart; I think it jumped out of my chest and _died _somewhere."

"Like your funny bone?"

"There is a bottle of lemon-scented lotion right here with your name on it. And Kuribohs are pretty slow learners. Do the math."

Sea shrunk back into her seat. "Dammit. You win."

"Always do."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

They looked at each other.

"Do you watch—?" Sea began.

"_Supernatural?" _Jonathan said, grinning.

Sea sighed in relief. "Oh thank god, something new to talk about."

"Yeah, the Kuriboh jokes were getting pretty old."

"… You think so?"

"No, not really."

"That's what I thought."

They started talking happily about the merits of watching a show about two brothers who ride around in an awesome car and kill monsters to a classic rock soundtrack, and all was right in the world.

Well, their world, at least. But close enough.

"Sam's hair was the best in season six."

"No way. Season one. He's freaking _adorable._"

"I like how you can tell what season you're watching based on what one of the main characters' _hair _looks like."

"Wish you could say that for _Yu-Gi-Oh!"_

"Well, season zero."

"No one counts season zero."

"Touché."

* * *

><p>"Okay, Casey: truth or dare?"<p>

"Dare," Casey said. She always picked dare first, especially if she didn't know what kind of "truth" questions people would be asking.

"Hm," Kokoru said. "Stick your hand through Greg's head!"

"Hey!" Gregory said.

Casey rolled her eyes. "That's a dumb one, Kokoru."

"Well, sorry! I didn't know what to tell you to do. I mean, we're in an infirmary. It's not like there's a whole bunch of options."

"You could have told her to eat some unidentified pills," Ryan said.

"Okay, new rule," Colonel said. "No death."

Stephanie raised a hand. "If we die, does that mean we're disqualified?"

"Yes."

"Casey, do your dare," Eliza said.

Casey rolled her eyes and shoved her hand through Gregory's forehead, despite his protests. "There. Eliza, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Eliza said.

"Confess your undying love to Destiny. In song."

Colonel whistled and Kokoru clapped her on the back. "Nice one, bro."

Eliza glared. "I hate you all," she said, stalking over to Destiny's bed.

She stared at her for a moment, and then began in a low voice, _"You're beautiful… you're beautiful… you're beautiful, it's true._"

"_I saw your face in a crowded place~!"_Casey crooned, completely missing the key by about six and a half miles.

"_Fuuuuck youuuu_!" Eliza sing-songed, sitting back down. "Greg, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever wanted to bone Kaiba?"

Gregory looked shocked. "Well, _duh."_

"Why does everyone like Kaiba? He's such a douche."

"It's the eyes," Casey said, nodding seriously. "They're all… blue. And stuff."

"Stephanie, truth or dare?" Gregory said.

"Truth," Stephanie answered.

"Hottest person in this room right now would be…?"

"Hm," Stephanie said, looking them all over. Then she pointed to Destiny.

"Oh, come on!" Kokoru said. "So not fair!"

"Truth or dare?" Stephanie said back at her.

"What? Oh, dare. Totally."

Stephanie grinned. "Make out with Rena."

"_What?"  
><em>

"_Excuse _me?"

"Femslash fangirl," Casey sighed to Colonel. "You never see 'em coming."

Rena and Kokoru looked at each other.

"Well."

"I hope you brushed your teeth."

* * *

><p>Destiny was very confused.<p>

She was also very much unconscious, but the human mind is pretty good at multitasking.

It's a bitch that way.

She didn't understand why her plan hadn't worked.

She had followed every step perfectly—even the part that said she had to actually treat others like _equals._

Well, okay, she hadn't _really _followed that part—but she didn't think that it really mattered anyway, so that didn't count!

Anyway, she didn't think that it was fair. She only wanted to live happily-ever-after, like in the movies and the books and all of the stories that she had read as a child.

Because… well. Destiny never told _anyone _this, but she hadn't always been perfect.

Shocking, right?

But it was true. She actually started out fairly normal, a thought that made her shudder now, because, come on: normal was boring.

She _hated _being normal. She wanted to be pretty and cool and smart and—well, okay, not so much smart, but no one cared about intelligence in the world of fiction.

At least, not in the fiction she read.

Maybe that was the problem.

Or not. Destiny didn't really care.

It happened when she was fourteen.

She had been sitting around at her computer, working on her seventh _Yu-Gi-Oh! _fanfic about Destiny the Thief Queen who fell in love with the Thief _King, _which was really very convenient, she thought, since kings and queens were supposed to go together, and anyone else could just shut up because her fics were great, dammit!

Even though no one really reviewed them except to tell her to please find a beta. Whatever that was.

But then five weird old men had found their way into her room, and they told her that they could make all of her wildest dreams come true.

So, naturally, she told them that she wanted to marry the Thief King, and they had promised to help, and suddenly they hadn't seemed so weird anymore.

But they were still old.

Definitely very old.

One of the men had given her a weird potion to drink—they called it Aura of Smooth, or something—that they told her would make her perfect.

And… it had made her perfect.

Duh.

Then they told her that all she had to do in return was join some school and break into the security system so that they could get in. They told her that everything would go perfectly with her new-found powers, and the Thief King would love her for being so special and beautiful and great.

Everything had gone absolutely flawlessly.

Up until this point.

Destiny wasn't unfamiliar with the Shadow Realm—she had been there before, of course; almost every student had—but today, wandering through the mist seemed to bring to mind a sense of failure.

She had forgotten what failure felt like.

She didn't like it.

She kicked at the shadows, dislocating some mist. "Darn," she said.

"WHY SO GLUM?" a voice asked.

"Hmph," Destiny said to the empty air. "Why do you care?"

"WELL, YOU ARE STANDING IN MY KITCHEN."

"…Oh. You don't mind, do you?"

"WELL, NOT REALLY. I GUESS. I COULD ALWAYS EAT YOU IF I WANTED TO… BUT I'M NOT REALLY HUNGRY."

"Good." Destiny tried to think of some witty come-back, but her mind came up blank.

That was weird. She _always _knew what to say.

"IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING, THE SHADOW REALM NEGATES YOUR SUE-EFFECTS. YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH POWERLESS HERE."

"Oh." That explained it, then.

"BE THANKFUL—IF YOU WERE BACK AT THE SCHOOL, THEY'D PROBABLY PUT YOU IN THERAPY WITH BORING MARIK."

"Boring Marik is—?"

"ALL THAT THE NAME IMPLIES. BUT SIT DOWN. PULL UP A SEAT. NOT THAT THERE IS ONE, BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AN AUTHOR, RIGHT? YOU HAVE AN IMAGINATION, USE IT FOR SOMETHING GOOD."

Destiny hesitated, then imagined a chair. It was big and sparkly and pink and made out of unicorn horns. It was the best chair ever.

She sat down in in tentatively. It shattered into particles of nothing. Destiny wasn't exactly sure how that worked, but she did know that she was not sitting on the non-existent ground—which _also _shouldn't have been physically possible—with nothing but a sore bottom and a bit of a tear in her pride.

"OH, NO. I ALREADY TOLD YOU, THAT STUFF DOESN'T WORK HERE. TRY AGAIN."

Destiny tried again.

This time, her soft, yellow bean-bag stayed right where she wanted it to.

"GOOD. LET'S GET STARTED, THEN."

"Get started on what?"

"WHY, YOUR DE-GLITTERIFICATION."

"My _what?"_

"YOUR BLOOD IS FULL OF GLITTER RIGHT NOW, MISSY. WE HAVE TO GET RID OF IT. AM I SPEAKING SOMETHING THAT'S NOT ENGLISH? OR ARE WE BACK TO JAPANESE AGAIN? I REALLY DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE. NO ONE BOTHERS TO TELL ME ANYTHING. ANYWAY, ENOUGH OF MY WHINING. WE'RE WASTING TIME."

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I AM ZORC NECROPHADES, DESTROYER OF SOULS, MASTER OF VENGENCE. MY WRATH MAKES OCEANS QUAKE AND THE STARS BEG FOR MERCY. THE EGYPTIAN GODS THEMSELVES HEED MY WORDS. I ALSO MAKE A MEAN CUP OF COFFEE. AND WHEN I SAY MEAN, I SAY _MEAN. _THAT STUFF WILL BITE YOUR TONGUE RIGHT OFF. WANT TO TRY SOME?"

Destiny shrank down into her bean-bag.

* * *

><p>Rena and Kokoru leapt apart when there was a sudden pounding on the door.<p>

"Damn," Kokoru said, wiping her mouth and looking at Rena. "You _bit _me."

Rena flushed. "Sorry."

Kokoru grinned. "'S cool."

"Chill your sexual tension for a minute?" Casey asked. "I think we're about to be saved." She took a deep breath and yelled through the door, "It's locked from the outside!"

"Well, that sucks!" she heard Fleur yell. "We've got Ebony here, and she… well, she's not quite right!"

Gregory slapped himself on the forehead. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph's dead mother's aunt."

"Huh?"

"I'm such a moron," Gregory grumbled. "And you all are morons, too!"

"Um, Greg, what the hell are you talking about?"

Gregory stood up and walked through the door.

"Oh," Casey said. "Oops."

The door clicked open, and Gregory entered first, holding up a key. "Yami Marik left us a present," he said.

Kokoru rolled her eyes. "Gee, how nice of him."

Fleur and Krystal followed Gregory inside, dragging Ebony. "Where's the nurse?"

"Did someone say nurse?" Mana asked, poking her head out of her office. "Oh, crap, what happened to her?"

"Kaiba called it Sueicosis," Krystal said.

Mana tsked. "Poor kid. Come on, drag her over to that bed. I've got something that might help her."

While Ebony was being taken care of, the rest of the people in the room suddenly realized the implications of the open door.

"Hey," Chrys said, "do you think there's lunch yet?"

"I think it would be dinner by now. And who would have made it?"

Chrys shrugged.

"I guess we should go back to the auditorium," Colonel said, standing up and stretching. "Man, what a day."

"Seriously," Casey said as they traipsed out the door. "A virus and fangirls and Sues."

"Oh my!" everyone else added.

When they reached the auditorium, Eggy was already up on stage, filling the school in on what had gone down that day. Most of the students were whining about how they'd missed it.

"Now, technically, they broke, like, nine-hundred rules," Eggy said, "but there are some students out there—and teachers, and a Kuriboh, I guess—that really helped out today. I'm not going to call them out or anything, but… you know who you are. So, thanks." She wagged a finger. "That doesn't mean I'm not seriously thinking about throwing you in the Shadow Realm for the rest of the weekend, though."

"She's kidding, right?" Casey hissed at Scar.

Scar didn't answer, since she was still trying to scrub Eliza's marker off of her face.

"Well," Eggy said. "OYGOFU survived. We survived. The lunch meat that's been sitting out for the past few hours, not so much, but there's pizza in the cafeteria waiting for you."

"How the hell did you get pizza so fast?" Yami Bakura asked, walking on stage.

The fangirl squeeing was deafening. Especially after Marik and Ryou followed him.

"A magician never reveals her secrets."

"You ordered it half an hour ago, didn't you?"

Eggy pouted. "How did you guess?"

"I can see the sauce stains on your shirt."

"Oh well," Eggy said, grinning. "Go stuff your faces, fanbrats."

The whole school cheered as the auditorium doors were finally opened by reluctant Kuribohs, and the students swarmed outside, already talking about all of the homework that they could have been doing if they hadn't been stuck in there all day.

Casey paused on her way out the doors.

"It's weird, isn't it?" Colonel asked. "We save the school… and then everything goes right back to normal."

Casey shrugged. "I guess that's how it works." She grinned at him. "Pizza time?"

"Definitely pizza time."

They went to join their friends in the ensuing food fight.

Someone had to, after all.

* * *

><p>Back in the infirmary, now by herself on a bed in the corner, Destiny's finger twitched.<p>

Zorc laughed.


	13. Shit Gets Taught and Stuff Goes Down

**A/N: Oh my gosh, you guys. This is so late, there is no excuse other than writer's block and tennis practice and… okay, maybe there is an excuse, but still. I just really wanted to get chapter fifteen written before I posted this (soooo excited for chapter fifteen!) but I just didn't have time. I'm sorry this is so late. You guys are awesome.**

**I just want to take this time right here to say one thing: everyone gets reformed at OYGOFU. Everyone.**

**Also. If you are easily offended when your character gets insulted… well, this is obviously the wrong place for you. XD Sorry in advance if your OC gets bashed a bit, though! (Remember how I had you fill out that part in the application? Yeah, there was a reason.) It's all in good fun/for teh learnings, I assure you.**

**There is info dump in this chapter. Read it. It is important. U_U**

**Disclaimer: !**

* * *

><p>November flew past OYGOFU in a flurry of dead leaves and frosted grass. It almost seemed like all of the teachers were trying to make up for a single missed afternoon by working the students as hard as they could for an entire month. The excuse they gave was midterms, but the students were quick to point out that midterms weren't until January—at least, until those who complained started being served as lunch to Joey's Red Eyes.<p>

Between homework, tests, Grammar Boot Camp, and the general chaos of life at OYGOFU that never went away no matter what the season, it was a wonder anyone could even find time to breathe. However, they did somehow manage to find the time to put together sports teams. Kuriboh-ball season was ending, but the students found that the little puffballs worked just as well as hockey pucks. Sure, they had a tendency to avoid the nets and eat the sticks (and opposing team members), but people were pretty much just glad that the lake had frozen soon enough. They would have done football first, but they couldn't find anything that really worked as a ball because the Kuribohs wouldn't tolerate anyone trying to tackle them to the ground and ate anyone who tried.

How they managed to survive being smacked with sticks was anyone's guess.

By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, most of the students were too exhausted to bother complaining about secular holidays and were just thankful that they actually had a bit of a break for once.

"I don't really see the point of this holiday," Colonel said as he sat down with his plate of turkey, stuffing, and potatoes. "Half of the foods you eat wouldn't have even been available to the colonists."

Casey rolled her eyes and dumped some cranberry sauce on his plate. "Dude, lighten up. It's a break from teachers screaming in your face about chronological time lines and how you can't fuck with them in fanfiction unless you're writing an AU."

Colonel eyed the cranberry sauce warily. "Still doesn't explain why I'm eating something that looks like mashed up hearts."

"Ew, bro. Not while I'm eating," Eliza said.

"We have Thanksgiving on my planet," Ryan said, poking at his potatoes. "Only we give thanks for the fact that the stupid Earthians are too dumb to figure out that they're not the only intelligent life-forms in the galaxy."

"Why the hell would you be thankful for that?"

"Because inter-planetary relations are strenuous as it is. We don't need the equivalent of another third-world country to burden us."

"Wouldn't that just be a third world, then?" Casey asked.

Ryan shrugged.

"Hey, Ryan, this seat taken?"

Ryan looked up as a tall, messy-haired boy rested his elbow on his shoulder and gestured to the seat next to him.

"No," Ryan said. "Maybe. I don't know, I don't care."

The boy rolled his eyes and sat down anyway. "Tell me, did they invent giving a shit on Mars yet?"

"Yes, but it's a relatively new concept. I don't think it'll catch on."

"They got sarcasm, apparently," Colonel said. "Guys, this is Ken Takeda. He, Ryan and I are roommates."

"Stupid system glitches," Ken said good-naturedly. "What are your names?"

"Elizabeth Frost," Eliza said immediately, leaning in and batting her eyelashes. "But you can call me Eliza."

Ken blinked and pulled away a bit. "Uh, good to know."

"I'm Casey," Casey said, extending a hand. "I think you're in a few of my classes. Do you have Writing for Fanbrats last block?"

"Yep," Ken said. "Did you write out that OC assignment?"

"Yeah," Casey said confidently. "Totally aced it, I know it. I've been doing OCs _forever."_

"I did it," Ken said, "but I don't have a lot of info down on her yet."

"Well, we've got until Monday," Casey said.

"Excuse me," a voice said coolly. "Can I sit here?"

Everyone looked up. A girl clad in black leather stood impatiently, swooshing a long tail around her legs. Her cat ears perked up out from under her hair.

Ken turned bright red. "S-sure! Sit right down!"

"Thanks," the girl said, dropping down casually next to Ken, whose face seemed to be trying to reach a temperature that it would have been possible to cook eggs with.

Eliza glared. "And who are you?"

"Kitty Wayne."

"Like Bruce Wayne?" Colonel asked.

"Exactly," Kitty said. "I know Batman personally."

"Right, and I'm the queen of England," Eliza said, rolling her eyes.

"No you are not," Colonel said.

"Figure of speech."

"So, children," Kitty said, flicking a nail. "What do you do for fun around here?"

"You should know, you've been here as long as we have."

"I've been here for centuries."

"Whoopdie-freaking-do. So has the ghost boy. And I was talking about the school."

Kitty's eyes narrowed. "I just got here. Late transfer. And you'd better watch how you talk to me, brat. I'll claw your face off."

Eliza spread her arms. "I've got cats at home. Bring it on, _furry."_

"O-okay," Casey said, looking at Colonel nervously and mouthing "_help." _They didn't want another fight in the cafeteria.

Well, not a real one. Food fights were okay.

But not when they were having hot soup.

Ouch.

"Eliza, will you help me find Kokoru?" Colonel asked. "She borrowed my calculus text book to use as a Kuriboh shield, and I want it back."

"But—"

Casey gave her a little push. "Go on, it's your turn. I helped him find all the shit he lost last week."

"Hey, that's—" Colonel began. Then he stopped and sighed. "She's right."

"_Thanks!" _Casey mouthed at him.

Eliza shot one last glare at Kitty and got up to follow Colonel out of the cafeteria.

"Wow," Kitty said. "What a bitch."

Casey frowned. "Hey, now."

Kitty rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. Don't pull that stupid friendship bull on me. It's pathetic." She surveyed the room, looking bored. "God, this place sucks."

Casey found herself wishing that she hadn't decided to be the mature one in this conversation. Smacking Kitty probably wouldn't get her anywhere, but it would feel good.

"Look," Casey said. "I'm not sure where you're from… but it would probably be a good idea to get off your high horse right now. This place doesn't really seem to give a shit about how great you think you are."

Kitty rolled her eyes. "Great. I'm getting advice from a fanbrat."

"Better than having to talk to a Mary-Sue," Casey muttered.

Yeah, she went there.

"What was that?" Kitty said, flicking her tail.

"Oh, nothing. Here, have some more potatoes."

* * *

><p>Casey did her best to avoid Kitty (and help Eliza avoid Kitty) for the rest of the weekend, and she did a fairly good job.<p>

Life was a bitch, though, because as it turned out, she had Kitty in her Writing for Fanbrats class.

"Okay, everyone, take out the synopsis you were supposed to write on your OCs."

The students who didn't have original characters shrunk a little bit further down into their seats as Alister surveyed the room, looking for a victim.

"You," he said, eyes landing on Casey. "I liked your 'why people write' essay. Get up here."

Casey gulped and made her way to the front of the room. This was her own personal work, and that was a lot harder to share than something that someone else wrote for her.

Sure, she did it all the time on the internet, but she had the safety of her computer screen separating her from the jerks who didn't think that her character was good enough.

She cleared her throat. "Er. My OCs name is Kaja Ishtar and she is Marik's little sister. She wears the Millennium Bracelet—"

Crap, she forgot to edit that out after the Millennium Items lecture a few weeks back.

"—which is a special item that was created later and it has all the powers of the other items. She can tell the future and she found a prophecy about herself that says she has to stop her older brother from becoming evil, so she duels him and beats Yami Marik and falls in love with Ryou Bakura on the way."

Casey finished in a rush and looked hopefully at Alister.

He sighed slowly, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling. "Okay, clearly, your character development and your essay-writing skills have no effect on each other. Sit down, please."

Casey sat down hesitantly. Was that good or bad?

"We'll talk about everything that you brats are doing wrong after we get a few more examples." He pointed to Ryan. "Your turn."

"Um. Her name's Raylin and she opens doors with her mind. Also she has cat ears for some reason," he said, blushing.

Oh. So that explained why he was so nervous around Kitty.

Alister looked at him expectantly. "And?"

Ryan shrugged. "That's it."

"Jesus Christ," Alister said. He pointed to a girl in the front row with her hair cut into a bob. "You, what's your name?"

"Mahersal."

"Get on up there."

Mahersal pushed her glasses up on her nose and made her way to the front of the room. "Okay, so… Adele Sheppard is a girl who lives in NYC and has trust issues because when she was eight, she found her father, whom she was very close to, with another women other than her mom. Since then, she's had a hard time trusting and becoming close to people, especially men. After a bunch of events, she ends up going to Egypt to learn more about Duel Monsters to improve her game because she sucks ass. By a chance of fate, she is saved by Malik and the two end up having a lot of run-ins with each other; she is not very happy about this because he has taken interest in her and she wants nothing to do with him."

"Not terrible," Alister consented, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Eliza, go."

Eliza walked up to the front of the class, shooting a nasty glare at Kitty as she went.

"Her name is Eliza Mouto and she's Yugi's big sister," she began. "During the duel with Pegasus—the second one— Eliza was accidentally pushed onto the field as the shadow game started and lost part of her soul to the Shadows. She became half Duel Monster and as the seasons progress, becomes stronger until she's able to use her powers in the real world and not just in a duel. She actually gets caught in a prophecy and has to marry Pegasus. At the end of season five, she destroys the prophecy, gives up her powers, and ends up marrying Ryou Bakura, who she was dating before the prophecy and fell in love with."

"Ooo, are we doing rubbish-reading today?" Valon asked, poking his head into the classroom. "I love this part."

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Dueling Joey."

"That's against the rules."

"… And?"

"Just… go stand over there. I'm getting a migraine. Do _any _of you know how to write an original character? You, cat girl. You're next."

Kitty strolled up to read her character sheet.

" Autumn Roamer. Also known as Autumn Fall in other lives. She's short, with dark bronze skin and short, golden-brown hair that has a glittery sheen in light and spikes back along her head. Several pitch black bangs, three on one side of her face, two on the other, that spike up like Yugi/Atem's and then flow down in curved waves, framing her face and curling under her chin. Liquid copper eyes that burn like fire. Has a tendency to wear tight-fitting and revealing clothing, and goes barefoot most of the time. Was Atem's favorite slave girl in Egypt – to the point where none other was permitted to touch her, though they still tried – and became the willing blood-and-soul sacrifice to bind his soul to the Millennium Puzzle. Imbued her with half of the Shadowlight – the protector and battery, if you will, of the Shadow Realm – and forced upon her the state of an Old Soul, though she remembered each life as it was artificial. Drugged to the point of forgetting all previous lives in her current one, she ended up an orphan with residual command of high-level hand-to-hand combat and flawless command of every  
>language known to man, and several that aren't. She is five thousand years old. She also holds the knowledge of the world's most perfect and luxurious hot chocolate recipe, and technology breaks simply by being in her presence."<p>

Valon yawned. "Sorry, what was that last bit? I fell asleep."

"Valon—"

"I'm teaching this one, mate. Go take your pain pills."

Alister grumbled, but sat back.

"Good," Valon said. "Now, if I may say so… that was atrocious. Horrible. Not just yours, but most of the ones we just heard."

"Excuse me—" Kitty began angrily, but Valon waved her off.

"Down, girl," he said. "Go sit. Stay. Good."

Kitty scowled. "I will claw your face off."

Valon grinned. "Go ahead and try it, sweetheart."

They stared at each other for a good thirty seconds. The rest of the class watched them awkwardly.

Kitty must have seen something in Valon's expression though, because she spun on her heel and stalked back to her seat.

Casey cheered silently.

"Good," Valon said. "Now, let's begin."

He perched himself on the desk. "First off, let's get one thing straight: by bashing your OC into the ground, I am not necessarily directly attacking you. True, some bits were terrible, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, we're trying to make you into better writers here. And to do that, we can't let you go around writing that trash." He grinned. "Savvy?"

He didn't wait for an answer. "Now, I'm sure you're all quite familiar with the Sue epidemic we survived last month. But that brings about the question: what is a Mary-Sue?"

He turned to write on the board. "There are several things that make a Sue a Sue. Now, a common misconception is that a Mary-Sue is just someone who has no faults. That's not true. Hate to tell you all this, but just because you're character has a few things that she can't do doesn't mean she's not a Sue. A Mary-Sue is basically a character who looks or acts completely implausibly, or the way that others treat her has nothing to do with the way she behaves. So, if you say your character is very vain, and you consider that one of her faults, that's fine, but you're not off the hook. If every other character in the plot completely overlooks that fact and absolutely no one is acting like that's a problem, that's where you have Sue-ish potential."

He turned around. "Oh, you should be taking notes, by the way. This is a big part of your final exam."

The students scrambled for pens.

"Now," Valon said, "let's take a look at Eliza's character first, because she's a good example for what I want to talk about. Eliza's character has the potential to be a classic 'Hey, I'm Related to a Canon Character!' Sue. She's Yugi's sister, she's got romantic relationships going with two different canon characters, there's a prophesy about her… you get my drift. The tipping point, in my opinion—the implausible circumstance—is the fact that she is apparently 'part Duel Monster.' I say 'implausible,' not 'impossible,' because pretty much anything is possible within the realms of fiction. However, if you're trying to write something that seems at least half-way credible, you can't go around making your characters part Duel Monster. Duel Monsters are not human beings. Their biology is not the same. And if simply getting involved accidently in a Shadow Game is enough to change that, well…" he grinned. "I should probably be part Kuriboh by now."

A few students chuckled, but Eliza raised her hand. "Prove that my character is a Sue," she said.

"Good point," Valon said. "You don't have to take my word for it. There's a test out there—it's on one of the few sites on the Internet that this school will let you access— that will help determine if your character is a Sue. It can never be _exactly _accurate, but it sure can help give you a good idea. Just Google the Mary-Sue Litmus Test."

He wagged a finger at the class. "Now, before we go any farther, I must say this. I am _not _labeling any of your characters as Sues. I can't do that, because I haven't read anything containing your characters. For all I know, all of the stuff you described was justified in your story. I'm just pointing out the bits you're going to have to be extra careful about when you're writing."

Eliza looked thoughtful. "All right," she said, "but there are stories everywhere where the main character is a little special. No one wants to read about the boring chick who doesn't do anything interesting."

"Okay, think of it this way," Alister said from his desk. "It's like baking a cake. You want your cake to be sweet, right? So you add sugar. But, you also have to add the flour, the eggs, the milk… all that stuff. If you just add sugar—which would be all the 'cool' things your character does—you're not going to make a cake. You're going to make a mess."

"You need all the ingredients," Valon said. "And it can't be just a little bit of 'bad' stuck in there on purpose for the soul purpose of avoiding the creation of a Sue. The faults and flaws have to be _part _of the character. If you took them away, your character would be fundamentally different, not just a little bit more _speshal_."

He pointed at Casey. "You have the exact same problem going, for the most part, so I really don't think I'll say it again. Basically, here's a good rule of thumb: if your character is doing exactly the same job that a canon character did already, and you're really just using her as an excuse to live your own fantasies, you seriously need to sit yourself down and really think about rewriting a few key plot points. Good?"

He pointed at Kitty next. "Now, your character. _Definitely_ a potential Sue. First off, the Tragic Past. Tragic pasts are not always the mark of a Sue, but often times, the author will use them as an excuse to justify terrible things that their characters do." Valon frowned. "Now, believe me when I say this. Just because your character suffered does _not _make anything bad she does right. I should know."

Alister snorted, but didn't comment when Valon looked at him.

"Also," Valon said, turning back to Kitty, "you listed a whole bunch of positive traits your character has. She's beautiful, she's smart, she's powerful… you get the idea. But the only thing that could be even interpreted as negative was the fact that she's no good with technology—and even then, that's not really something she can help, since, according to your description, she was around way before it was invented. "

He said, "When you're thinking about a character's faults, don't think about how you can work it so that she will be liked by everyone no matter what bad traits you give her. That's not the point. The point of giving a character flaws is to humanize her. No one in the world can relate to the perfection, and therefore, no one will care. Some people take that the wrong way, and give their characters more flaws than good personality traits, which either ends up leading to the audience loathing the character, or the flaws being completely inconsequential. Like clumsiness." He wagged another finger at the class. "Ladies an' gents, clumsiness is _not _a character-defining flaw. Character defining flaws are things like pettiness and greed and cowardice. Things that will give your character _an opportunity for development _later on."

"On that note," Alister added, "you can give your character a flaw with the intention of correcting it later. She can learn over the time of the story. That's what we call a dynamic character—a character who changes."

"I said it before and I'll say it again," Valon said, "because I think it's important—your character's flaws should be _fundamentally part of her. _If you take them away, she will cease to be who she is and turn into something different. And maybe that right there is your plot."

Valon surveyed the class. "Let's do a practice run. We're going to create a character together. We'll call her Alice. Now, someone give me a positive trait Alice has."

Casey raised her hand. "She's beautiful."

"Smart?" Eliza offered.

"Observant," Kitty added.

"Good," Valon said. "Now for some negatives. And remember: choose things that define a person."

"… Maybe she's kind of self-centered," Ryan said, looking sidelong at Kitty. "Because she's so pretty and smart and everything, she thinks she's better than everyone else."

"Okay," Valon said. "What else?"

"She's not good with people," Ken said. "She's awkward with feelings."

"She notices a lot, and sometimes she spreads things around without really meaning to."

"Nice," Valon said. "I like that last part—the 'without meaning to.' It doesn't make it _right_, but it reminds us that the character isn't necessarily a bad person, even if she's not exactly perfect. Alister, did you get all of that?"

"Yes," Alister said, putting down his pen. He cleared his throat. "Alice is beautiful and smart, and it sometimes causes her to look down on others. She notices a lot about people and their problems, but she sometimes doesn't know how to tell them that she's there for them, and instead spreads their stories just to get the secrets off of her chest." He paused. "Sound right?"

"Yep," Valon said. "Not exactly the nicest character, but not a horrible person, either. She's got her heart in the right place, most of the time. Maybe she'll progress in her story. But for now, I think we're done. For homework, I want you to pick apart your own characters. Make lists of their pros and their cons, and then make a flow chart detailing their actions and the consequences that come with them. Today, we focused on characters who were too perfect. Next class, we'll deal with the ones who are too bland."

"Should be fun," Alister said. "I'm terribly excited. Maybe you'll actually show up on time for that one."

"You never know," Valon said. He seemed to remember something suddenly. "Oh! And one more thing."

He looked over the class, his eyes dead serious. "Your eyes cannot be 'crystal,' just like your hair cannot be 'raven.' They can be _like_ crystal, or raven-_colored._ Biology does not allow your OC to have any body part made out of marble, amethyst, or copper_._ Human beings are made out of bones and tissue and sinew and _not _pieces of rock or birds_. And the word 'orbs' does not belong in any sentence describing anyone's eyes_. Am I clear?"

The class nodded.

"Good. Dismissed."

The bell rang.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Casey. If I bought a pair of cat ears, d'you think Ken would go out with me?"<p>

"What?" Casey said distractedly, trying to keep Kiba away from her oatmeal.

"Bro, you're gonna need a lot more than ears," Kokoru said to Eliza, looking over to where Ken was sitting further down their table, staring dreamily at Kitty.

Eliza seethed. "Dammit, I hate that bitch."

"Give her a chance," Colonel said, surprisingly. "If I recall, none of us were exactly perfect when we got here."

Kokoru opened her mouth, then shut it, looking slightly sheepish. "Point," she said.

"I still don't like her," Eliza said, pouting.

"I never said you had to like her," Colonel said, rolling his eyes. "Just withhold your judgment for a bit longer."

"Okay, but if she makes a move on him—"

"Then you can eat her," Kokoru said, patting Eliza on the head and standing up. "I'm gonna go visit Ebony in the infirmary. They're letting her out tomorrow, I think."

"I'll come with you," Rena said.

Kokoru looked at her funny. "Really?"

"Um. Yes?"

"You mean you're not sick of me yet?"

Rena stood up and walked past her.

Kokoru gave the rest of the table a thumbs-up and chased her out of the cafeteria.

"Dude," Eliza said.

Stephanie cackled.

Eliza pointed a finger at her. "No. Bad fangirl. No shipping. No."

Casey coughed out something that sounded vaguely like "hypocrite" before surrendering the remainder of her oatmeal to Kiba's gaping mouth.

"Hey," Eliza said, "you can't blame a girl for looking."

"Who's looking at what now?" Gregory asked, popping up through the table.

"Eliza's ogling Ken's ass," Casey said, reaching for more toast.

Gregory leaned over the table to look. "It is a nice ass," he admitted.

"Ha! See, told you."

Colonel looked vaguely uncomfortable. "Um."

Stephanie patted him on the head.

"So," Gregory said cheerfully, "who wants to help me kill my roommate?"

"Why, what'd he do?"

"He decorated our room. There is four-foot picture of a naked woman over my bed."

Eliza winced in sympathy. "Ouch. Sorry."

"Wait," Colonel said, looking confused. "If you kill him, won't you be stuck with him longer? I mean, you'd both be ghosts, right?"

Gregory looked horrified. "Oh. Oh, god. I hadn't thought of that."

He bolted out of his seat, yelling, "Jonathan! Jonathan, wait, don't drink that!"

"… Did he actually try to kill his roommate?" Stephanie said.

Eliza snorted. "Ch, poison. Laaaame."

"Oh, yes. A knife to the stomach is where it's at," Casey said.

Kiba burped and ate her fork.

"Hey!"

* * *

><p>"So, how's the therapy going?" Rena asked, perched on the side of Ebony's bed.<p>

"Not too bad," Ebony said. "Basically, they give me drugs every day, and I'm good. Shouldn't you be in class?"

Kokoru waved a hand. "Eh, we've got a few minutes." She tipped her head in Destiny's directon. "Still in love with Little Miss Sunshine?"

Ebony winced. "No. God, no."

"How long are you on the medicine for?" Rena asked. "Is it—I mean, do you have to take it _forever?_"

"I don't really know yet," Ebony said, shrugging. "It's kind of like asthma, I guess. Some people grow out of it, and some people are stuck with it for their whole lives. Mana says that we just have to wait and see."

"Speaking of Destiny," Kokoru said, "has she done anything at all yet?"

"No," Ebony said. "All she does is lie there." She thought for a minute. "She twitches sometimes, though. And sometimes mumbles things about _Jersey Shore_."

Kokoru chuckled. "I bet she's having the time of her life."

* * *

><p>Destiny Love was not having the time of her life.<p>

"AND SO THEN I TOLD HIM, NO YOU CANNOT JUST TAKE THE SHINY MAGICAL METAL. YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME YOUR SOUL. I WASN'T ACTUALLY EXPECTING HIM TO AGREE OR ANYTHING—IT WAS KIND OF A JOKE—BUT THEN HE SAID OKAY, AND I WAS LIKE, WELL, HEY, FREE SOUL." Zorc paused. "ARE YOU FINISHED YET?"

Destiny wordlessly held out the piece of paper she had been writing '_I must not force people to love me' _seven hundred times on.

"WELL, YOUR HANDWRITING HAS IMPROVED. DO IT AGAIN."

Destiny groaned and started scratching away diligently as Zorc materialized a television and flipped to the soap opera channel.


	14. Punch Drunk Love? Also Memos

**A/N: Updates are probably going to be slow like this for a while, because I am super busy. I am le sorry!**

**Also, because people asked: second semester is probably going to be starting sometime in June. This is a VERY tentative timeframe, though, so I'll make sure to let you know if that changes. If anyone's interested, I'm thinking about making a Tumblr for this fic so that ya'll can see the update schedules, upcoming tests, things I'm planning, etc. Let me know if you think that's a good idea.**

**Disclaimer: Disclaimed**

* * *

><p>Casey yawned her way into the cafeteria late Tuesday morning, picked out a table, and dropped down into a vacant seat. "Man, I'm beat," she said. "Too much homework."<p>

"Shh," Rena said. "Eggy's talking." She pointed to the main stage, where Eggy was standing and addressing the students.

"… Also, there will be another seminar tomorrow in the auditorium after dinner that all students will be expected to attend," she was saying. "So please don't make any plans. Finally, I would like to address the fact that, no matter how much fun it may be, students are _not _allowed to feed Kuribohs their homework in an attempt to get out of turning in assignments. You're giving them food poisoning. That's it."

"Dammit," Casey said. "I hadn't even thought of that!"

Kiba bobbed sympathetically.

"I wonder what the seminar is about," Serena said. She shuddered. "I hope it won't be as bad as the 'When You're Evil' one."

"If Eggy has any sense, she won't let Dartz and Yami Marik be in charge this time."

They all looked to where Eggy was sitting at the staff table, sniggering and throwing bits of pancake at Yami Marik's hair when she thought no one was looking.

"We're so doomed," Casey groaned.

Kiba ate her pancakes.

* * *

><p>Marik was not in a good mood. He had spent breakfast picking pieces of pancakes out of his hair, and he was in no way at the level of patience required to deal with what he personally liked to call "Bakura's Motherfucking Shit."<p>

As it turned out, the stupid bastard was just lounging in their empty classroom, throwing darts at a picture of Yami he had tacked up on the wall.

"We've got to write tomorrow's lesson plan," Marik said, sweeping into the room and whacking Bakura on the back of the head.

"So write it," Bakura said, adjusting his aim.

"'We' meaning 'both of us,'" Marik said, moving to stand in front of Bakura and blocking his view of the dart board.

Bakura looked at him contemplatively and then at the dart he held in his hand. "You know, I could probably throw this through you."

"Bakura."

"Okay, fine," Bakura said, rolling his eyes. "What's got your panties in a twist?"

"You, asshole. Now shut up before I physically maim you."

"Yeah, you do that," Bakura said. "Or, you know, don't, since you're a pansy."

Marik opened his mouth to snap out a reply, but Bakura waved him down. "Relax, you idiot. What's on the agenda for tomorrow?"

Marik looked at his notes. "Um. That's kind of what we need to figure out."

"Bollocks," Bakura said. "I don't know, what the hell do they need to learn?"

"We already covered over-used jokes," Marik said. "And what the series itself is."

"So talk about character personalities," Bakura said. "And how everyone is just a giant exaggeration of what we are in the dub version of our canon."

"… You do know what that implies, don't you?"

"What?"

Marik smirked. "Well, for one, it suggests that you're totally gay."

"Oh, look who's talking," Bakura said.

"Gaydar, Bakura. Bite me."

"See, you would probably like that."

"Oh, it's on."

"Bring it, kid."

The lesson plan lay forgotten on the table as Marik lunged for him, and despite what most fangirls would have liked to believe had they been present, it wasn't sexy at all.

Eggy sighed from where she had been watching behind the door. "Too bad," she murmured, putting her camera back in her bag. "Maybe someday."

"What was that?" Bakura said, looking up from punching Marik in the stomach.

Marik used the distraction to kick him in the shin.

"Son of a bitch!"

Eggy sniggered. "Never mind, this is funnier."

Luckily for her, Marik and Bakura couldn't hear the snapping of the shutter, since they were too busy screaming insults.

Sometimes, a good fight scene was much more fulfilling than fluffy romance.

"Ow! Watch the nose, you prick!"

Make that 'always.'

"Ha!" Marik said suddenly, succeeding in reaching his Millennium Rod, which had been knocked from his belt loop and across the floor in the scuffle. He pointed it at Bakura, who frowned.

"Wait, Marik, there's—"

"Say hi to Zorc for me!"

"Wait!"

There was a sudden bang, and then a flash just before both of them disappeared, leaving nothing but smoke in their wake.

"… Huh," Eggy said.

* * *

><p>Casey stared at the clock on the wall of her Abridging 101 class. "So…" she said after a minute. "Who knows where our teachers are?"<p>

Everyone looked at each other, then back at the door in surprise as it was pushed open by Ryou Bakura.

"Hello, everyone," he said. "I'm terribly sorry. Um. Marik and Yami Bakura have been… held up… somewhere. Uh. Actually, no one has any idea where they are." He cleared his throat. "So, I'm going to cover class today."

The fanbrats stared at him.

"Right," Ryou said. "We're just going to watch a few episodes, since I have no idea what the lesson plan was supposed to be." He added something that sounded suspiciously like "No wonder they lost, can't even make a lesson plan," under his breath before continuing cheerfully, "Please get out some paper to take notes. The focus today is on LK's use of the name Steve. Because honestly, I can't for the life of me think of anything else we can do today." He sighed and went to set up the television.

Casey leaned over to Eliza. "Dude. What the heck?"

"Huh?" Eliza said, tearing her eyes away from Ryou and wiping the drool from her chin. "What was that?"

"… Never mind," Casey said, focusing on the TV. "Dammit, I was excited for today's lesson, too."

"Why?"

"Don't you remember? Bakura and Marik were giving free Shadow Realm tours to anyone who talked out of turn!"

"Ooh. Wait, what?"

Casey sighed. "A tour with Marik."

"Yeah, a tour of _death_!"

"Don't burst my bubble, bro."

"Your bubble is demented," Eliza said, rolling her eyes. "Watch the shiny cartoons, Casey."

"Oo! I love this episode!"

"Shush," Ryou said, walking by their desks.

Eliza promptly swooned.

Casey pulled her off the floor before anyone stepped on her.

That's what friends were for, after all.

* * *

><p>Marik groaned and sat up, clutching his head. "Dammit, Bakura. What happened?"<p>

"You tell me, you moron," Bakura said, making a grab for Marik's Rod. "Why the hell was this thing smoking just before you zapped us with it?"

"Huh?" Marik said. "Smoking?" He looked at the Rod. Sure enough, thin wisps of purple smoke were drifting out around it. "What the heck?"

"Fairly certain that's not normal," Bakura said, handing it back to him. "Well, get us out of here. I don't have my Ring."

"Why the hell not?" Marik asked, standing up and offering Bakura a hand.

"It got confiscated," Bakura said. "I was using it to pin Kuribohs to the wall."

"That's so evil."

"I try," Bakura said. "Now, come on. I don't want to be stuck in the Shadow Realm all day. I have things to do, you know."

"Yeah…" Marik said, slapping the Rod against his palm. "Just… give me a minute."

Bakura frowned. "What? Why? Marik, did you break the Millennium Rod?"

"No!" Marik shook it. "It just… won't work! I can't get it to take us back."

"Son of a bitch," Bakura snarled. "I'm going to murder you."

"There's still a knife on the end of this, Bakura. I will not hesitate to shank you."

"Fuck all this. Let's just start walking."

"Dammit, I wish I had a flashlight. I can barely see anything."

"Well, if you hadn't broken the damn thing—"

"Hey, look, something shiny!"

"What?" Bakura whipped his head around. "Where?"

Marik used the opportunity to whack him upside the head.

"Ow!"

Marik cackled. "Your affinity for shiny things never ceases to amaze me. It's like you're addicted."

"I can't help it," Bakura muttered, rubbing his head. "Back in ancient Egypt, _everything _of value was shiny. None of this paper money bullshit. You think I robbed tombs for the fun of it? No! I _needed _the gods damned shiny things! And I'm not addicted! I can stop any time I want to."

"Tell that to the watch you stole off my wrist yesterday."

"… Walk faster, you idiot."

* * *

><p>"Whoo, lunch time!" Casey said several class periods later, dropping her stuff onto a table. "What're we having?"<p>

"Looks like chicken alfredo," Sea said. She paused and studied her plate. "Shaped like the _Yu-Gi-Oh! _cast."

"Dude," Kokoru said, biting off a chunk of Yami's head. "Check it out." She pointed down the table.

Casey peered over Sea's head. "What's—oh, no. Is that Eliza?"

It was. Eliza was currently making her way over towards the table Kitty was sitting at. Further inspection revealed that Ken Takeda was also at the table, making goo-goo eyes at Kitty and repeatedly missing his mouth when he went to take a bite of his chicken.

"Shit," Sea said. "Should we do something?"

"Let's wait and see," Kokoru said, cackling a little.

"Bro, you need to get that laugh checked out. It's friggin' scary."

Eliza leaned down to Ken, resting her elbow on his shoulder and saying something, making him turn towards her.

Then Kitty looked at Eliza as well and said something that, from the look on her face that went with it, probably wasn't something very pleasant.

Casey's theory was confirmed when Eliza turned to snap something back, pointing a finger in Kitty's face.

"Cat fight," Kokoru said.

Sure enough, Eliza stepped back, looking ready to retort, when she accidentally knocked Ken's glass of juice all over Kitty's lap.

It _seemed_ like an accident, anyway. Casey couldn't really tell, but she figured that Eliza wasn't _that _stupid.

After all, most cats had claws. Sometimes the perfectly-manicured kind.

"Ooooooh snap," Kokoru said gleefully.

"You're enjoying this too—"

"Holy shit!" Kokoru said, pointing back at Kitty and Eliza.

They all whipped their heads around to see Kitty stand up, grab her plate, and dump the entire thing over Eliza's head.

The tables around them murmured, the noise level growing as Eliza calmly removed the plate from her head, set it on the table, and punched Kitty in the face.

"Fight!" someone screamed.

Casey moved to go pull Eliza away from Kitty (and an untimely death) but ended up getting tripped by students knocking each other over the table. So, she did the next best thing and threw a bowl at a random person across the room.

Casey heard Kokoru let out a whoop behind her and saw her drag Sea into the fray before a napkin hit her in the face. She tore it off to see Kiba swooping happily around, gobbling up air-born silverware.

At least _someone _was enjoying this.

Eggy shouted something over the din, but most of the students were too busy hitting each other catch what it was. All of the tension caused by being stuck together in the same place for two months had reached a head, prompting grudges to turn into fistfights. The cafeteria had become a warzone.

Then Yami Marik opened up a Shadow Portal on the main stage, and all hopes of lunch going back to normal jumped ship and were forced to float on the sea of annihilation.

Casey managed to crawl under the table and stared open-mouthed at the scene in front of her. As far as she could remember, there had never been an _actual_ fight at OYGOFU.Sure, there was a food fight practically every other day, but no one had ever started punching people.

Kokoru landed a few feet away from her, clutching at her bleeding nose and grinning like a maniac. Several tables down, Eliza and Kitty were engaged in a full-blown war, complete with scratching, hair-pulling, and the occasional bitch-slap to the face.

Casey was seriously considering burying her head in her arms when Eggy scrambled on top of a chair, grabbed the microphone, and proceeded to yell her lungs out of her chest.

"EVERYBODY SHUT. THE HELL. UP."

Most of the fighting stopped abruptly, silenced by Eggy's echoing voice.

"What?" Eliza said, looking up and wiping blood from her split lip. She was currently sitting on top of Kitty, who was trying to scratch at her face. Someone (it looked like Sea) dragged Eliza hastily away, leaving Kitty glaring angrily up from the floor.

Kiba whizzed under the table and dropped down fearfully onto Casey's head.

"Are we done acting like animals?" Eggy said loudly.

The cafeteria was dead silent.

"I can't believe this," Eggy said, pacing around the main stage. The soles of her Converse high-tops thunked ominously against the wood. "What do you think this is, a freaking free-for-all? I refuse to tolerate goddamn _fist fights _in my school. Food fights are one thing. But when you actually go out and punch each other, I am going to draw the line. I am going to draw it in thick, black, angry Sharpie and point at it with big neon signs and glowing letters that say 'Don't do this shit ever.'" She gestured angrily at the overturned tables. "This is ridiculous."

Eggy gripped the microphone tightly for a minute. Then she said, "Okay. Someone tell me why you're all here. Someone, I don't care who."

"… To learn how to write fanfiction."

No one knew who said it, but it was enough.

"Yes," Eggy said. "Exactly. Fanfiction for what?"

"… _Yu-Gi-Oh!"_

"Damn, you're all so smart," Eggy said. "And what part of _Yu-Gi-Oh! _implies, pray tell, that it is okay to solve your problems by _punching_ them in the _goddamn face?"_

No one answered.

"That's what I thought," Eggy said. She pointed suddenly at Kitty and Eliza. "You two. You started this, correct?"

Eliza and Kitty glared at each other.

"Yes," Eliza said.

"Good. You're coming with me. The rest of you, you will stay here until this cafeteria is clean—Roland will supervise you—and then you will go to class. Your lessons will go on their normal lengths. If that means you end up eating dinner at eight-thirty at night, good for you. I am very disappointed."

Being told something like that by a girl wearing bird-printed pants was a lot more humbling than one would think.

Casey crawled slowly out from under the table, clutching Kiba tightly to her chest, and held out a hand to Kokoru, who was still on the floor.

"… Damn," Kokoru said, staring at the blood dripping from her nose.

Casey was inclined to agree with her.

* * *

><p>"All right!" Joey said. "Who's ready for some logistics?"<p>

The class looked at him warily.

"Well, don't look too enthusiastic," Joey said, rolling his eyes.

Casey yawned and sank further down into her chair. After the Lunch Incident, as many students were calling it, she was absolutely exhausted. The cafeteria took forever to clean up, and then her Basic Sex Ed and Writing for Fanbrats classes had seemed to drag on forever. She had almost fallen asleep during Alister's PowerPoint and just barely skirted past a detention by randomly blurting out the correct answer to a question she hadn't heard.

Tristan sighed. "Relax, guys. There will be no exploding microwaves today. I swear." He punctuated his last statement with a pointed glare in Joey's direction.

Joey nodded, oblivious. "Yeah, Eggy kind of laid down the law the other day. Told us we actually have to teach you something or face being demoted to dishwashing duty." He looked positively horrified at the idea. "We'd be working with Kuribohs. No thanks, man."

"Anyway," Tristan said. "Today we're going to talk about willing suspension of disbelief."

The class stared at him blankly.

"But what is willing suspension of disbelief?" Joey asked when no one said anything. "Well, I'll tell ya!"

"Finally," Casey muttered. "Didn't we have to write a paper on it weeks ago?"

"Did anyone actually do that?" Fleur whispered back.

"Willing suspension of disbelief is basically a formula for justifying fantastical or normally-implausible events in a work of fiction," Joey said. "Pretty much, 'what can I get away with?'"

"The idea was developed by the English poet and philosopher Samuel Taylor Coleridge," Tristan said. "Awesome name, by the way. His idea was that if you could stick a 'human interest and a semblance of truth' in with your wacky idea, then the reader would assume that it was plausible in the circumstances of your plot."

"A great example of this is special effects in the movie-making industry," Joey said. He clapped his hands. "Pow! Something blew up and there's a whole bunch of stuff flying around—all computer generated—so that the scene'll look real cool. But then the audience is like, 'Wait a minute. If that thing blew up, there'd be a huge plot hole!' To which the movie responds, 'Dude, it looks cool. Accept our awesome special effects for what they are and just enjoy the movie.'"

"The audience's acceptance of the plot hole is their willing suspension of disbelief," Tristan said. "They're willing to overlook something implausible in favor of just shutting up and enjoying the story."

"Another great example is that one episode in season four where I duel Valon," Joey said. "In the episode, Valon hops on his motorcycle and is all, 'Come chase me!' And so I'm like, 'Okay!' and jack Mai's bike to follow him."

"From what we see in the episode," Tristan said, grinning at Joey, "Joey over here had absolutely no clue how to ride the damn thing."

"But I did it anyway," Joey said. "And at least some of the viewers had to be going, 'Wait, what?' because it's friggin' harder than it looks to ride one of those things. It's like learning how to do anything else— meaning, you can't really do it in one go. But the writers wanted a motorcycle chase in that scene, so the audience was expected to suck it up, put it on the backburner, and watch the awesomeness."

"It was also comic relief, because watching you catch up to Valon using sheer luck was hilarious," Tristan said.

"I'll give you hilarious," Joey growled.

"Bring it on, Blondie!"

The students sighed as Joey tackled Tristan to the ground.

"We're so productive," Casey said to Serena.

"Hey, I'm not complaining. I still need to finish this Rules for Duels essay."

"Shit, is that being collected today?"

"I think so."

"…Balls. Hand me a pen?"

"Here you go. Good luck."

"Thanks, bro."

* * *

><p>"All right, you two," Eggy said, leading Kitty and Eliza down the hall. "This is for your own damn good, so suck it up. If I hear any whining out of you, I'm feeding you to a Blue Eyes."<p>

Eliza looked at Kitty. "… Will I be spending time with her?"

"Yes."

"… Can I just take the Blue Eyes?"

Kitty hissed.

"Oh, shut up, both of you," Eggy muttered, steering them around a corner. "Where the… oh, here we go."

She rapped sharply on a door at the end of the hall. "Hello? Anybody home?"

A moment later, Boring Marik pulled the door open. "Yes?" he said, looking surprised. "Sorry, do you have an appointment?"

"No," Eggy said, sounding apologetic. "But I really need you to take these two." She handed him an envelope. "The details are all in here. You missed one hell of a lunch, I can tell you that."

"I see," Marik said, staring at the slap mark outlined on Kitty's cheek. "Well, okay, I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks, Marik," Eggy said. "I'll be back for them eventually. And then maybe I'll schedule an appointment for myself. Honestly," she muttered, pushing Kitty and Eliza towards the door. "Anyway, they're your problem now. See 'ya."

Marik waved at her before closing the door. "Hm," he said.

Kitty and Eliza looked at him warily.

Then Marik grinned. "Well," he said. "Let's get started."

* * *

><p>"Has anyone seen Marik and Bakura?" Ryou asked some time later, poking his head into the staff room.<p>

"What?" Eggy said, clutching at her headache. "Oh, fuck me. Who has the Advil?"

Mana tossed her a bottle of pills. "Take two."

"Can I take three?"

"No."

"Damn," Eggy swallowed the pills with a gulp of water and then turned back to Ryou. "Anyway, what?"

"I'm trying to find Marik and Bakura. They've been missing all day. I had to cover their class."

"Crap," Eggy said, slapping herself on the forehead. Then she winced. "Ow. Uh… I saw them this morning. They were arguing, and I'm pretty sure Marik zapped them to the Shadow Realm. I dunno why they're still there, though." She scowled. "I would've told someone sooner, but I got distracted."

Kaiba sighed and pushed himself out of his chair. "I suppose I'll go look for them. Someone tell Devlin I'm going to be late to class."

"Chalk one up for the records," Yami muttered.

"Can it," Kaiba snapped. "I'll be back."

"We should start prepping for that seminar," Seth said to Atem.

Atem nodded reluctantly. "All right, but I want you to know that I feel this is below me."

"You feel like everything is below you," Seth pointed out.

"Well, mostly because it is."

"I need tea," Eggy stated suddenly, watching them argue their way out of the room.

"Yeah, make tea," Valon said. "Maybe then you'll lighten up a little. Seriously."

Eggy glared half-heartedly at him. "You try running a school some time."

"No thanks," Valon said. "I'll leave that to the crazy people."

* * *

><p>"Well, that was interesting," Casey said on her way out of the class, tucking her finished essay into her bag.<p>

"Tell me about it," Mahersal said. "I think I learned a few new words when Joey hit his head on that table."

"Hey, did you finish that essay?" Chrys asked, jogging up to them.

"I did," Casey said.

"Cool, can I compare mine with yours? I don't think I explained trap cards enough."

"Well, what did you say?"

"Um. I said that they were cards. That were traps."

"Yeah, you're screwed."

"I kind of figured," Chrys sighed. "Thanks."

"Any time."

They entered the classroom, finding their seats and looking around for Kaiba and Duke.

"That's weird," Casey said. "Kaiba's usually the first one in here."

"Huh," Chrys said. "He's probably dueling Yami again."

"Some things never change," Casey agreed. "So, you wanna see my essay?"

"Gimme," Chrys said, holding out her hands.

* * *

><p>It was dark.<p>

That was the first thing he registered upon waking. Pitch blackness, as far as he could tell, since he couldn't even see his hand in front of his face when he held it up an inch away from his nose.

This wasn't good.

No, forget "not good." This was bad.

Very, very bad.

He reached into his pocket, fumbling around for his cellphone. Its weak blue glow was a welcome sight, until he looked at the top corner and saw the lack of signal and the blinking red battery light.

Brilliant.

"Hello?" he called softly. "Is anyone out there?"

Nothing.

He sighed, stood up, and began walking.

* * *

><p>"Dammit, Marik, this is all your fault."<p>

"Well, excuse me, princess," Marik snapped. "I'm sorry I was unaware of the fact that my ancient Egyptian artifact could run out of bloody _batteries._" He gripped the useless Rod tightly. "How long do you think we've been walking?"

"Who knows?" Bakura said. "Hours, most likely. At least the Shadows have moved around a bit and we can see." He sighed. "I could really go for a steak right about now."

"Please don't talk about food."

"Well, it's your fault we're here!"

"You started it!"

"I hate you so much."

"The feeling's mutual."

"Yeah well—" Bakura stopped suddenly. "Wait. Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"… Nothing. I just thought I—wait, there it is again!"

Marik shut his mouth and listened. At first there was nothing, but then…

"… Is someone talking?"

"I'm not sure," Bakura said. He took a deep breath. "Hey! Who's there!"

There was silence for a moment. And then, faintly, they heard someone call, "Hello?"

Marik and Bakura looked at each other.

"Hello?" the voice called again. "Is anyone out there?"

"Over here," Marik said. "Who's there?"

"Look," Bakura said, pointing.

A figure was emerging from the Shadows.

Short. Dark hair. Japanese military uniform….

"Oh my god," Marik said.

"Hello," the stranger said, bowing slightly. "My name is Japan." He raised his head slightly to look at them. "And I appear to be rather lost."

"… Son of a bitch."

* * *

><p><strong>scrambled-eggs-at-midnight<strong> [**Eggy**] 6:12 _HOURS_ AGO opened public bulletin board MEMO: FANDOM EXCHANGE PROGRAM

**_Eggy: _**_First, if you respond to this memo, I'll hurt you. Memos are for memoing, not responding, I don't care if it's public!_

**_Eggy: _**_Second, hello, everybody! Hopefully you haven't forgotten that you actually have an e-mail account here and are reading this. If you're not reading this, then that might be a problem later on, and we should have a serious conversation about why it is important to keep up with the workings of this school so that you don't fall behind or miss any crucial events, like any upcoming zombie apocalypses or whatever. Seriously, open up your damn inbox every once in a while, yeah? Sheesh._

**_Eggy: _**_Anyway, for those of you paying attention, this is a memo about the upcoming fandom exchange we're going to be having sometime in the I-actually-don't-know-the-exact-date future. Basically, we'll be getting characters from a few fandoms that wanted to be a little more culturally aware or whatever, and since we've got this nice new school just sitting here, doing nothing important except maybe prepping a whole new group of writers, I was like, sure, have it here! In turn, we'll be sending over a few of our staff members to _their _fandoms. I don't know who yet, but I'll be sure to let you all know once I figure it out._

**_Eggy: _**_I don't actually know when they'll be showing up (or really who's going to be showing up) but make sure you all make them feel nice and welcome, even the ones who, I don't know, maybe might try to kill you a little bit. I'm sure it's all in good fun, anyway, and hey, it's nice to learn how other fandoms kill things. Could come in handy, yes?_

**_Eggy: _**_Great, glad we had this talk. (Except if we didn't, in which case I am going to have a serious discussion with you. Yes, you. Right there. Yep, don't think I didn't notice you not reading this. Honestly.)_

**_Eggy_**_ closed memo._


	15. Not in Kansas Anymore

**A/N: So, hi. I'm sorry about the terribly long and unexpected hiatus. Real life decided to take matters into its own hands. Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments, and for sticking with me. :') Thank you also to Cameron Kennedy for reading through my crap and pointing out things that don't make sense. I mean, they _still _don't make sense, but at least most of it is intentional now.**

**And just so you know, I'm extending the second semester start time, for obvious reasons. That will probably happen sometime after this plot arc wraps up. (I can't give you a definite time; sorry.)**

**Disclaimer: For future reference, I also don't own any characters/fandoms that might happen to show up. And I still don't own _Yu-Gi-Oh!_**

**P.S.I highly recommend you use your Google-fu to at least take a peek at two fandoms: _Homestuck_, and _Hetalia_. Some stuff might make a little more sense if you do.**

* * *

><p>Kitty and Eliza walked warily into Boring Marik's office, alternating between glaring at each other and trying to study the room without actually looking like they cared. There were some chairs, a desk, and several bookcases lining the walls, but other than that, there wasn't much to look at. Didn't therapists usually have all their degrees lying around to show off?<p>

… Which raised the question: what if he wasn't a real therapist?

Crap.

"Sit," Marik said, gesturing to the chairs and positioning himself behind the desk. Kitty and Eliza dropped down in front of him, and Marik folded his hands carefully, eyeing them. "So," he said.

"She started—"

"It was her—"

"—she dumped—"

"—_clawed _my _face—"_

Marik held up a hand. "Girls."

They pouted.

Marik sighed. "All right, here's what we'll do." He pulled a coin out of his pocket. "Eliza, you're heads. Kitty, you're tails. Whoever wins talks first. Fair enough?"

The girls nodded slowly, and Marik flipped the coin.

"Heads," he said, watching the coin finish tumbling around on the desk. "Now, Eliza. Let's hear your side of the story. Who started the fight?"

"It was her," Eliza said, jabbing a thumb at Kitty. "She dumped food on my head!"

"You spilled juice on my—"

"Kitty," Marik said warningly.

Kitty glowered, and Eliza continued, "I couldn't just… let her do that, right? I mean, 'Learning Through Pain' and all? She's gotta be taught that she can't just walk all over everybody!"

Marik sighed. "'Learning Through Pain' is and always has been the motto of OFUs… but that doesn't mean it's the student's responsibility—or right—to do the teaching. Your job here is to learn. You're supposed to learn how to write fanfiction, but you're also here to learn how to deal with the fandom itself. You girls can have your disagreement—that's okay. But when it starts turning to violence—verbal or physical— that's when we've got to step in. Not just because we care all that much about your own well-being—I mean, _I_ do, but I'm pretty sure most of the staff would just as happily feed you to a Kuriboh—but because it disrupts the learning environment, and you really can't act like that when we actually let you start posing stuff again. The Internet will eat you alive. And if we _do _just feed you to a Kuriboh or send you off to the Shadow Realm… well, it usually works, but I'm not really happy with that. What does it do for you guys, anyway? Scare you into being good?" He smiled a little. "That never really worked for me. I'd prefer to actually try and help you guys. That's what I'm here for." He tapped the desk lightly. "So! Let's continue." He turned to Kitty. "Your turn."

Kitty hunched down into her seat. "I don't like it here."

"Why?"

"Everyone's such a bitch!" Kitty said, tossing her hair a little. "I mean, everybody hates me! Especially _her."_ She pointed to Eliza. "It's like she's trying to make my life miserable!"

"Tell me, Kitty," Marik said, leaning forward a bit. "Have you tried to make friends with anyone? Really tried?"

"Sure, I guess," Kitty said. "But none of them like me. They think I'm a huge bitch."

"Are you?"

"What?" Kitty spluttered.

"It's a simple question," Marik said, shrugging a little. "Are you a huge bitch? Are you nice to people, or do you look down on them whenever you talk to them? I think you're starting to get a taste of how OYGOFU goes, Kitty. We're not here to make you feel good about yourself. In fact, this is more of a place for people to see their faults and maybe try to fix them. You might think that people are going to like you because you're attractive, or because you can do cool things, but that usually only happens in fiction—or, more accurately, really _bad _fiction. In the real world, when you act like you're better than everyone else, you're not going to get a positive response. People don't _like _feeling inferior, Kitty. They want to be treated like people. 'Treat others the way you want to be treated' still applies when you pass the age of ten."

"But everyone here's so _boring_," Kitty whined.

"Do you really know that?" Marik asked. "Have you really tried to talk to anybody? Maybe there are people here with similar interests. I think if you give them a chance, you'll find that it's really not the fandom—or these kids—that are making it impossible for you to make some friends. You've just got to open up a little." He smiled. "Now. We're going to try a little team-building activity, okay?"

Eliza and Kitty looked at each other nervously.

Boring Marik just leaned back in his chair. "Let's begin."

* * *

><p>"Well," Bakrua said. "This is awkward."<p>

"I'm sorry," Japan said again. "Ah… I don't believe this is where I was meant to end up."

"Where exactly were you trying to go?" Marik asked.

"Better yet, who even are you?" Bakura said. "If I'm not mistaken, that's a World War Two Japanese military uniform."

Marik gave him a funny look. "Really, Bakura?"

"What?" Bakura snapped. "I'm five-thousand years old, Marik, I know _some_ history. Anyway, people don't usually just walk around in those."

"I believe there has been a slight mix-up," Japan said, looking between them. "You see…" He paused. "Hm. Is this the Official _Yu-Gi-Oh_! Fanfiction University?"

"Yeah," Marik said, surprised. "It is, actually."

Japan blinked. "Oh. I'm sorry, I thought I was in the wrong place." He bowed again. "I am the personification of the nation of Japan." He paused, then added, "From the _Hetalia_ fandom."

"Oh," Bakura said. "That makes more sense."

"What's _Hetalia?_" Marik asked. "Don't give me that look, Bakura, not everyone's as nerdy as you are."

"_Hetalia _is a fandom that details certain events in history—mainly World War Two—by personifying the nations involved and having them interact in ways that some find… amusing," Japan said.

"It's history in a gay bar, next question," Bakura said.

"Well, not—" Japan began, flushing, but Bakura waved him down.

"I said next question. Why are you here?"

"I'm here for a fandom exchange program," Japan said.

"Fandom exchange?" Bakura said. "Wasn't there a memo about that?"

"Yes, I believe one was sent out to each of the participating fandoms. However, I appear to have been separated from my group."

"I'll say," Marik snorted. "How the hell did you end up in the Shadow Realm?"

"Zorc must be slacking off again," Bakura muttered. "Anyway, where were you supposed to go? Not that I want to help you. Because I am a villain."

"We're doing this for our own benefit," Marik said. "The paper work gets really obnoxious when we get unauthorized Shadow movement. It's just easier for us to help out sometimes. But only every once in a while, mind. Don't expect us to be going around with little tour guide brochures or whatever."

"I see," Japan said. "I was supposed to be directed to the course coordinator's office."

"Office?" Marik said. "Eggy doesn't have an office. I think she's got an art room, though." He shuddered. "It's scary in there."

"That's probably why you got lost," Bakura said. "Do they have Kuribohs running administration or something? Honestly."

Japan coughed politely. "If you don't mind me asking… how do we get out of this Shadow Realm?"

"I guess we'll just have to wait for someone to figure out that Marik and I are missing."

"How long do you expect that to take?"

Marik and Bakura looked at each other.

"I think," Marik said, "that you might be better off not knowing." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a deck of cards. "Do you play Duel Monsters?"

"I've never—"

"OH, FUCK, NO!"

Japan's eyes widened in shock.

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "That was not me."

"Obviously," Marik said, gaping at him, and then looking behind him. "It came from somewhere over there." He pointed over his shoulder.

The three of them peered into the darkness, cards lying forgotten at their feet.

"Hello?" Marik called.

Silence.

"Huh."

* * *

><p>"Look, all I'm saying is that I don't think this lecture requires a PowerPoint presentation," Seth huffed, doing his best to wrangle the table he was lugging up the stairs around a corner. He and Atem were trying to set up for the seminar they were supposed to be conducting, but so far they were having more trouble actually getting their equipment to the upper-floor room they had been assigned.<p>

"See, there's where you're wrong. Everything these days requires PowerPoint. It's practically a sacred law."

"… Really."

Atem clapped a hand over his heart. "On my honor."

"Atem! Grab the other end of the table, it's going to—oh, dammit."

The two of them watched as the table they had spent the past ten minutes lugging around crashed its way down the stairs.

Atem winced. "Well, the corner should stop—oops, never mind."

Suddenly, there was a loud _thump_, followed by an "Ouch!"

Atem and Seth looked at each other.

"Should we…"

"It would be impolite not to…"

"But we've got this thing to set up…"

"And really, it's not…"

"Um, hello?" the voice called back up the stairs. "I think I might be kind of… uh… stuck here, haha. Shit, I can't feel my toes. Hello?"

Atem sighed. "Well, so much for that plan."

They started down the steps.

"Oh my goodness, we've killed him!" Atem gasped when they reached the bottom.

"What do we do?"

"Do we call 911?"

"What's 911?"

"I don't know, I'm ancient, remember?"

"I'm ancienter than you are!"

"Is that even a word?"

"What?"

"Ancienter. I don't think it's a– "

"Um, guys?" the table said. "A little help, here?"

"Oh," Atem said in surprise. "He's not dead."

"No, I'm not," the table said. Actually, it _sounded _like a boy, but all Seth and Atem could see were the white high-top sneakers; the rest was just a giant table. "I'm having kind of a hard time breathing here, though."

"Sorry," Seth said, grabbing the table. "Atem, get over here."

Atem grabbed the other end of the table. "Okay, one, two… three!"

The table didn't budge.

"Dammit, it's jammed against the wall," Seth said.

"Pull harder."

"But we'll damage the wall!"

"Oh, yeah, don't hurt the wall," the table said. "Come on, guys, I could use a little help!"

"Okay, okay, hold on," Atem said, shifting his grip. "Impatient, much?"

"Well, he's got a good reason."

"Table, guys?"

"Sorry."

"One, two, three!"

* * *

><p>Tables, it turned out, were surprisingly stubborn.<p>

"Kid, are you doing okay under there?"

"I'm hunky-dory, all right. Happy as a clam. Hehe, clams. I know a girl who likes clams."

"I think the lack of oxygen is getting to his head."

"Right, okay, I'm going to find help. Just… uh… stay with Seth here, okay?"

"Okie-dokie!"

"Sweet mother of Ra," Atem said, dashing back up the stairs. "What did I ever do to deserve this?"

"Well, you did drop a table on someone!"

"Clam it, Seth!"

"Haha, clams!"

"You too!"

* * *

><p>"I don't really see what this is going to do," Eliza grumbled.<p>

"It's a time-honored tradition, meant to establish trust between partners," Boring Marik said, positioning Eliza in front of Kitty. "Now, ready… set… trust fall!"

Eliza stood rooted to the floor, but Kitty leapt as far back from Eliza as she possibly could.

There was an awkward silence. Marik sighed. "Eliza… you're actually supposed to fall. Kitty… well, the general idea is that you… you know… catch her."

Both girls glared at him, then at each other.

Marik resisted the urge to knock them both upside the head. Violence was not the answer.

(Technically, violence was the _question_. The answer was almost always "yes," but Marik wasn't going to give into _that _one so easily.)

"Next exercise."

* * *

><p>"This is stupid. This is so stupid, there aren't even words. This is not in my job description. Nowhere in my contract does it say that I am required to tramp though the Shadow Realm looking for rouge villains who both tried to get me killed on more than one occasion. Dammit, I am never going to get this purple smoke out of my trench coat. I'm going to have to get Mokuba to order more laundry detergent—and then he's going to forget and buy the wrong brand, and I'm going to have to walk around smelling like a lavender bubble bath for the rest of the week. Why the hell did I even agree to this in the first place? Oh, right. Because I am absolutely batshit crazy! Slap me in a cloak and call me Yami Marik! Someone notify the papers, because Seto Kaiba has flipped completely off the deep end and into the pool of <em>utterly nucking futs!<em> Goddammit I hate the Shadow Realm!"

Seto Kaiba did not talk to himself. Crazy people talked to themselves. And Seto Kaiba was not insane. In fact, Seto Kaiba was so sane that he didn't even bother _thinking_ about talking to himself. That was how sane he was.

However, if Kaiba _had_ been the kind of person who talked to himself, his monologue probably would have gone something like that.

Lucky for Kaiba's sanity, he _didn't _talk to himself. Instead, he snorted disdainfully, observing the darkness. Because Kaiba wasn't totally incompetent and was always prepared, he pulled his high-tech, super-powered KaibaCorp.-modified flashlight out of his pocket and began searching for maniacs.

Who were a hell of a lot crazier than he was.

Definitely.

Kaiba made his way methodically through the Shadow Realm, sweeping the beam of his flashlight out towards the darkness. This was really stupid. The Shadow Realm was enormous—it could take years to find anyone this—

"OH, FUCK, NO!"

Okay, never mind.

Dammit, was the whole world out to prove him wrong today?

Kaiba flicked his flashlight in the direction of the shout. It didn't really sound like either Marik or Bakura… but then again, he didn't really know either of them well enough to tell.

Well, he heard them both yell at least seven times a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a few times in between) but that was beside the point. It could have been one of them, which meant that Kaiba had to look. Just in case.

Such was the life of a perfectionist.

As he walked, the yelling got a bit more distinguishable, although no less perplexing. In fact, he could almost swear he could hear more than one voice now… but neither of them was familiar. Students, maybe?

"Okay, fuck this, you stupid fucking asshole!"

Students with anger issues.

"Hey, don't blame me! Relax, take a deep breath, and calm the fuck—"

"Deep breath? We're stuck in the middle of a motherfucking void of nowhere, and you want me to take a deep fucking breath? You know where you can shove your deep breath? You can shove it right up your—"

"Okay, hold on, maybe I can—"

"_How did you manage to hack us into nothing_?"

"_I don't know_!"

"Hello?" Kaiba called.

Instant silence.

Then, "Shit," someone whispered.

Well, then.

"You have ten seconds to tell me who you are before I blast you," Kaiba said, yanking out his Blue Eyes card and holding it threateningly. Not that these guys could probably see him or anything, but still. It made him feel badass.

When a trading card made you feel badass…

Kaiba shook that thought off quickly. What the hell kind of world would it be when you could doubt trading cards?

Not the kind Kaiba wanted to live in.

"Why don't you tell _us_ who _you _are before _we _blast _you?"_

Kaiba swung his flashlight around.

"Ack!"

The beam landed on two kids sitting huddled around a laptop. One of them flipped him the middle finger.

Kaiba hadn't known it was possible to give someone the bird that expressively.

"Fuck it, watch where you shine that thing, asshole!"

Except… now that Kaiba was looking at them, he realized with a shock that they weren't kids.

At least not human kids.

"What they hell?" Kaiba murmered.

Then he got blasted.

* * *

><p>"I am not playing this game."<p>

"No, _I'm _not playing this game."

"You're both playing this game, now sit down."

"Fine, but I get to be the red guy."

"Hell, no! I'm always the red guy!"

"I'll be the red guy. Now both of you, pick a card."

"Fine, I'll… Oh, ha! Suck it, bitch, I got Queen Frostine!"

"Dammit. Seriously, why are we playing this game?"

"Candy Land is good for the soul. Pick a card, Eliza."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Marik, Bakura, and Japan sat silently, listening to the shadows swirl uneasily around them.<p>

"… Well, whoever it was, they're gone now," Marik said finally. He turned back to Japan. "Anyway, tell us about yourself."

"As I said, I'm from the _Hetalia _fandom. I'm here with three others, at the moment," Japan said. "At least, three others from my fandom—although there are supposed to be more of us shortly. The three of us are the… test run, I suppose you could say. I believe more characters from different fandoms are to come later, but I haven't seen anyone but my companions. We were separated some time back, though. I would very much like to find them."

"Can't help you there," Marik said, shrugging and holding up his Rod. "We're stuck here ourselves."

"His fault," Bakura said, jabbing a finger at Marik.

"Shut up, you started it."

Bakura waved him off. "So, what are you, then? Protagonist, antagonist… antihero?"

Japan smiled slightly. "I'm afraid there are no protagonists in history. Everyone has a reason for what they do. Everyone is the hero in his own mind."

"Wow, deep," Marik said. "Me and Bakura are the bad guys. Well, I was a bad guy. Then I turned good." He made a face. "Not that I'm all that happy about that, but whatever. Boring me isn't _so _bad, I guess. Other than the fact that he's, you know, boring."

"Ah," Japan said. "What about you, Bakura?"

"I've always been evil, I suppose," Bakura said, shrugging. "Although, like you said, I never _thought _of myself as evil."

"He spent the better part of the series trying to avenge the deaths of ninety-nine family members," Marik said, nudging Bakura.

"With card games," Bakura added.

"… This is a strange world," Japan said, almost to himself.

"Well, welcome to the club," Marik said.

"I—" Japan started. Then he frowned. "Look," he said, pointing past Marik and Bakura. "Do you see that light?"

Marik and Bakura followed his gaze.

Far off in the distance, a bright, pulsing light flashed, red and blue, swirling around and mixing in with the shadows, casting a haunting, eerie glow. If they looked hard enough, it was almost possible to see…

"Is that a person?" Marik asked squinting. "What the—?"

Suddenly, the light vanished, sending the Shadows around them whirling with quick bursts of displaced energy.

"Whoa," Marik said.

"Think we should go check that out?"

"Yeah, maybe. What do you say, Japan?"

"I believe it would be beneficial to our search for an escape."

"Or our doom."

"Yes. Or that."

* * *

><p>"Great, now look what you've done! Fuck, we are going to get our asses so fucking murdered, great job!"<p>

"I'm sorry! I reacted wrong!"

"You threw him thirty feet with your _mind!_"

"Well, I didn't mean to! You're the one who threatened him!"

"Yeah, so he wouldn't _kill us! _I didn't think you'd actually _do _anything! How do you not mean to _psychic blast_ somebody?"

"I don't know, instinct?"

"Instinct."

"Uh, yeah?"

"Mother of fuck, how do I even know you? Who's fucking fault is it that I'm stuck dealing with your skinny, lisping ass? I need to know who I have to punch."

"Oh, yeah, make fun of the lisp. That's real mature, asshole. And whatever happened, it was probably your fault. Shit, is the laptop okay?"

"Your lisp is just one of many on the long list of things about you that I will never stop making fun of. It's a universal-fucking-constant. And the laptop is fucking fine, you moron, but what are we supposed to do about trench coat guy?"

"I don't know, I have no people skills, remember?"

"You don't _need _people skills! He's unconscious! You need the opposite of people skills, which you oh-so-conveniently have!"

"Just… I don't know, make sure he's still breathing or something. I'm going to see if I can hack the system."

"_What _system?"

"Well, it has to have one, right? Otherwise, how'd we get here?"

"… Fuck, fine. Just hurry up. I don't actually want to die out here. Wherever the fuck here is."

"Middle of butt-fuck nowhere?"

"Sounds about right. Do your stupid nerd thing, or whatever."

"Aye-aye, fearless leader."

"I hate my life."

"I hate it, too. Now shut up."

* * *

><p>"All right, how do you girls feel?"<p>

"I hate you."

"I hate you, too."

"See, you agree on something! Now we're getting somewhere! So, who's up for a quick round of Pictionary?"

"Kill me."

"Only if _you _kill _me."_

"Deal."

Kitty and Eliza shook hands.

Boring Marik grinned in satisfaction.

He loved his job so much.

"Eliza, you're up first!"

"I'm out. Give my love to Eminem."

* * *

><p>The Kuribohs on kitchen duty were not happy.<p>

There was a stranger in their midst. Two strangers, actually, but only one of them was causing any sort of problems. The other was just standing awkwardly in the corner, looking around as though he was waiting for something to step out and eat him.

Smart. Kuribohs were always hungry.

Currently, they were very upset about this stranger dancing around their kitchen, dirtying their pots and pans…

… and making the most delicious-smelling pasta sauce?

The Kuribohs sniffed curiously. Was there… lemon dressing on that salad?

The stranger just laughed happily and tossed them some bread sticks.

Hm. The Kuribohs would withhold their judgment.

For now.

"Look at these things! They're so cute!"

"That one just ate six breadsticks at once!"

"Soooo cuuuuute!"

"Ugh."

"Hey! Do not eat that! Spatulas are not for eating! Bad puffball! Bad! Don't—aww. Aw, it's purring. Okay, I'm sorry I yelled at you. Here, have some pasta!"

"You're impossible."

"Whatever you say! Hand me that salt?"

"Hmph."

"Thank you!"

* * *

><p>"Hey, guys?" Casey said at dinner, "does it seem weird to anyone else that, like, half our teachers are missing?"<p>

Kokoru looked up from her mashed potatoes. "What?"

"Marik, Bakura, Kaiba…" Casey said, counting off on her fingers. "Where'd they go?"

"Um… who cares?" Kokoru said, looking at Casey like she was nuts. "It means we don't have to do work. Why the hell would we be upset about that?"

"Just asking," Casey said, pouting.

"Just eat your dinner, Casey," Rena said carelessly, waving a hand. "It'll blow over!"

"I don't know. I think Casey's right," Colonel said. "Doesn't anyone else feel like we're being completely ignored?"

"I know the feeling," someone to his right sighed.

Everyone craned their necks around to look at him.

"Holy shit!" Casey said.

The guy blinked. "Um. Hi. You can see me?"

Casey flapped her hands up and down. "Oh my god, I know you! You're—you're—!"

Then she passed out.

Everyone stared at her, then back at the new guy.

He shrank back down into his seat "… Sorry?" he squeaked.

Suddenly, a crash rang out from the kitchen, followed by a loud "Oops!"

The new guy sighed in relief. "Oh, thank goodness." Then he got up and bolted towards the kitchen without another word.

Colonel, Kokoru, and Rena stared at Casey.

"What," Kokoru said. "What the fuck?"

Casey didn't answer, as she was too busy being unconscious.

There was another crash from the kitchen.

* * *

><p>"You should probably hurry up. I think trench-douche is waking up."<p>

"They have some weird fucking security. All this pink shit is making it really hard to concentrate."

"Pink shit?"

"Yeah, there's, like, glitter inside their system. It's weird as fuck."

"Well, whatever. Can you get in?"

"Yeah, I'm almost there. Here, there's a memo or something I can get into. Maybe someone will respond to our desperate cries for help, or something."

"Fucking memos. I fucking hate fucking memos."

"Why?"

"Because people respond to them all the fucking time!"

"Well, that's kind of the point of a message board, you know."

"… Shut up and hack shit."

"Oh, hey, I'm in. Ehehe, the password was 'swordfish.'"

"The password's always swordfish."

"I know, I got it on the first guess. Noobs."

"You did not just say 'Noobs.'"

"Totally did. Here we go."

"What are you typ—oh. Really? Great, way to make them like you. Good job, fucknuts."

"Eeheheh."

* * *

><p>Boring Marik waved to the girls on their way out of the office. "Bye! Make sure you come back next week!"<p>

Eliza and Kitty looked at each other fearfully, then broke into a full sprint down the hall.

Marik chuckled to himself. "They're not coming back next week."

His work here was done.

See, a lot of people had Boring Marik down all wrong. He wasn't actually _boring. _He was just not evil! Last time he checked, "not evil" and "boring" were definitely not synonymous. He wasn't above twisting things a little for his benefit. And hey, it usually worked. They girls were already on their way to a blossoming friendship!

Granted, it was a friendship based on a mutual hate… but it was a start.

Marik hummed contentedly and closed the door behind him, sitting back down at his desk and booting up his computer. He hadn't checked his e-mail in a while. Maybe that new cape he'd ordered last week was in…

"Oh, hey, a memo!" Marik said, curser hovering over the message button. "No one ever posts memos anymore." It was a shame, really. Message boards were great for psycho-analysis.

Marik scrolled through the memo, then frowned. "Huh, that's funny. I haven't met anyone new yet. And the message here's a few days old…. Maybe they got lost or something." It wasn't like _Yu-Gi-Oh! _was a small fandom or anything, though. They were pretty easy to spot on the radar.

Marik shrugged. Oh well. He made to close the laptop, but something at the bottom of the message caught his eye.

… Didn't Eggy say not to respond to these things?

**_twinArmageddons_**_ [**TA**] 0:34 SECONDS AGO responded to memo._

**_TA: _**_your 2ecuriity 2ucks, a22hole2._

Marik blinked. "Who is this guy?"

And why the heck was his text yellow? Talk about an eyesore!

Marik opened up a message box.

**_NiceMarik _**_[**NM] **0:10 SECONDS AGO responded to memo._

**_NM: _**_… Hello?_

**_TA: _**_well hii there._


End file.
